I am not even sure where to begin today. I am in a fog and in shock. I am full of questions that the answers do not really matter in the big picture. I have been acting almost as if nothing has happened since I found out yesterday afternoon. It is shear shock. I cleaned out the pantry because I just could not sit. I would have to take sitting breaks because I would get weak. I was actually, physically sick. I stayed home from work. I would scroll through the ‘book of face’ and the blogging sphere ‘liking’ and commenting like it was any other day. Who am I? I have only told one person.

Yesterday was a day my family and I will never forget. I am not sure we should even if we could. I can not elaborate much more than that for now. One day, you will know the story. For now, I just can not. It feels like a bad dream that we will not figuratively wake up from for a long time. If I ever thought that any of my troubles were big or a lot to handle, they are all trivial now. This has been a hard year full of wtf WTF. Pardon my language. There is really no other way to put it.

I am asking for prayers. Prayers to lean into Him in this time of tragic loss. I just took a big breath having said that. Literally. Prayers to grow in our faith and to grow together in this time of need. Prayers for strength and peace. Prayers for understanding. Any inkling of understanding.

To say such a thing is unfathomable. How will we ever understand. That feels more like a statement or rhetorical question rather than an actual question. I am not sure it is for us to understand in this earthly realm.

I pray that He can speak through me for them.

We will never know why things like this happen. Our time here on earth is so short. Hug your loved ones and tell them you love them. I am grateful for my family and friends, my horses in the pasture, my dog in the house, and that there is a bunch of cooking that needs to be done. Life goes on whether or not we are moving with it.

Lead with love today and always. Thank you for being here and being you.