10 Years.

I was not sure if I was going to post this or not. I feel like I should ask for forgiveness or offer an apology for this post now.

Has it been ten years?

It feels like it has been ten years. That I have been out of town for ten years.

That is what this last year has felt like.

Is that what was intended?

Do you remember the time in between? I think I do, but honestly it is somewhat hard.

It has felt like a time warp. Does anyone else feel the same way? I know many people who do feel the same way. Just the other day I was talking with a friend who’s husband was celebrating a birthday. “Wait, didn’t he just have a birthday?” I asked. “Yes, he did just have a birthday, it is the covid time warp.” “Must be,” as I pondered in reply. Except that it was a whole year ago!

I was talking with my riding friends about a conversation we had with another friend. Or maybe it was about when the last time we had seen this other friend. Anyway. “Just the other day,” I swore it was. “That was over a year ago,” they said with a sweet chuckle and a gentle shake of the head. “I suppose it was,” I mused as I tried to brush off that nagging feeling. Was it really over a year ago? It felt like just a few weeks ago. Although, I will admit, I am prone to those ‘just the other day’ feelings anyway. I get it from Pops.

Then there was Easter. Easter was even more strange. We finally were at the point where everyone was comfortable enough in some capacity to gather. We did not celebrate Christmas or Thanksgiving or any other holiday together this year. That is where I really felt like I was an ‘out of towner.’ An outside family member. One that moved away long ago and does not make it back often enough. Strange to the point where I almost did not know how to act. It was somewhat stiff and not quite comfortable. Very different than our usual.

Yes, it was strange because it had been a while, sure. We ‘normally’ all gather at every holiday. We are not used to that. Not gathering. At least I am not, I did not care for it one bit. But, really, it was that very question of why. Why did we not? Why did we voluntarily forfeit such precious time and moments? Memories? Love? We are not promised time. Ours or theirs. We are not promised tomorrow. How can such a vital and important truth be so easily forgotten even now? Especially now? After all of this? What if they were not here tomorrow?

I do not mean to make light of a serious situation. I really do not. But does it not make you wonder if it is worth it? Giving up your precious gift of time and everything that means? Not seeing the people you love when you might not see them tomorrow? Or similarly not doing what you love? Many people read right over those questions and just not go there. Go there. Really think about it. Which situation is more serious?

As I drive in the traffic again that has built to almost its pre-covid levels here in the big city, to and from work with everyone else, I feel as though I have forgotten what that too was like. The traffic and the hustle and bustle and fast pace. That one singular thought of ‘progress’ above all else or any one at any cost. As I yet again get sped around by an irate person laying on their horn and flipping me the bird for not driving over the speed limit to then slam on my brakes at a backed up line of bright red tail lights stopped at yet another red light. Just for them to get one car ahead and skidder to a stop. I always wonder if people feel better after behaving in such a manner. Does that make their day better? Make their problems go away? Bring their time and energy back? I do not know how it would, but I hope it does.

Or maybe it is rather, that I have a much lower tolerance for it now than I did before. Years ago or even just before covid. Which, admittedly, before my tolerance was pretty low for a person that grew up here.

Again I question why. Questions that plagued my mind before, are ever present in my mind as the days go on.

Why is it that I live here? How much more of my precious gift of time will be wasted sitting here in traffic? Fighting someone else’s fight to get…where? How much time has already been lost? And yet, here we all are, sitting here wasting more? Or anything else that we give our time to. It is not lending. We do not get it back. Worrying about things that can not change. Giving to people that do not give back. Doing anything that is not additive to your life.

That is why I talk with family and friends on the phone while driving. Or listen to uplifting music and podcasts. Or mind broadening books. Even if they are romance novels!

I live here now, but I can tell you I will not forever. I am dreaming and planning. Formulating the adventure. Planning on less time wasted.

Why say no?

That is why I say yes. Carpe diem now more than ever before. People say that lightly all the time, It is my prayer that it will become a truth for more people. Say yes. This is your time to spend. It is a gift not to be wasted. Go ride. Get the horse or dog. Go be with friends. Travel. See all that you can. Enjoy the journey. The adventure. The experience. And. Create the memory to share. Spark joy within your heart and the hearts of those around you. Adjust the priority. That is up to you. You are the banker of your time.

Dream the dream. Plan the adventure. Work towards that shared sunset and a tall grass turnout for your ride or die. Each step and each day you have made it. You have already won.

Think about what you are fighting for every day. Are you happy? Is it sparking joy? Is it actually getting you where you want to go? Why? Is it giving you more time with your family? Time to do what you love?

Every post I begin to pen becomes so overwhelming and heavy that I can no longer write it. I feel it even now. I am practically paralyzed to even put another letter down. Blogging has become hard. In part to having difficulty in just putting the right words around my thoughts, but in truth, the other part is that I am scared of people’s reactions. It is too hard to avoid this. I might lose readers for saying these things, but that is not what I created AHAmoments for.

I wrote a whole post after the freeze about perspective after seeing so much complaining. Granted, there were things to complain about, I will not lie about that even if I will not go into that because that is more of a political matter. And this, my dear readers, is still no place for that. But back to the topic at hand, the majority of the complaining was coming from blessed people in their homes with many layers and groceries to eat. How many farmers and ranchers were outside day and night fighting to keep their animals and operations alive to provide those groceries? How many people were alone or without a home or layers to be in? It is all about perspective. It could always be worse. Somehow, people still do not get it.

Should not this be a turning point? A grabbing and shaking of the shoulders for all man kind. A slap to the face. To wake up. To open eyes.

At a time when we are all so seemingly desperate to get back to the basics and foundation, to what is really important and what makes this life worth living and meaningful, what has changed? I hear people express this sentiment with ever more increasing frequency and yet, they do nothing. After all of this. After all that has been taken. I fear in reality nothing has really changed. Have we learned nothing from this past year? Are we just going to go right back to the way things were?

I am not.

I have spoken here a lot about saying yes and living your life for you. I am doing it and working towards being able to do more of it. I feel like part of what I am here on this earth to do is to remind you and myself of that. So here I am. Reminding you, should you need that reminder. Look out for my boot, it is coming for your backside and friend, it is covered in mud. Do not think you are alone in wading through it.

Make the changes. Do the work and do it for yourself. Get back to the basics. It is your time and nobody is promised any of it.

Do not let fear govern your life. ESPECIALLY after all of this. Make this past year count for something good. You can handle anything. It is hard. If you really think about it, we let fear make a bunch of decisions. That is how we have gotten where we are today.

Spend your time like it is going out of style because it is.

Thank you, dear readers, for allowing me my mini rant. As always, walk in love. Remember those around you and keep perspective. Say yes and go live your life. Do not waste your time. Back to our regularly scheduled programing later.

10 thoughts on “10 Years.

  1. Right on, Avery. Life is such an individual expression of our highest ideals — or frustration and drudgery. It is our choice, as you so beautifully expressed it. It’s up to us to make our lives the way we long for them to be — out on the trails, out on the roadway — at home with our books and journals. Sending you love :)) Dawn

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This past year has been many things- hard, scary, uplifting, devastating and focusing. I have not gathered with my family in a long time. My children come for visits. I have not seen my mother in law in a year (except for a funeral). But my husband has. We determined that he was the critical one.
    I have lost all patience for traffic and continue to do a by zoom rather than waste time in a car to go to a meeting.

    I also think that if people spend less time arguing about masks and just followed the steps to keep others safe we’d have had a much different year. In my little corner our rate of disease transmission has been pretty low (we have 68 active cases right now) because we have been abiding by public health guidelines. even when they were very annoying or felt like overreach.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am glad you are still seeing family in visits. This year has been many things indeed. Less arguing in general and people just taking care of their own business and their own choices and respecting others’ choices would go a very long way! And not just now in covid times!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Hi Avery, I appreciate your long form writing. I’ve been going in that direction of late. When I write, sometimes it flows, most times it stays a draft for 4 weeks, 6 weeks. I have some that are 3 months and older. The COVID time, there’s still a lot of time left on the clock. I think we’re at the stage where we’re all 17 and have absolutely no idea how the world really works, afraid to be “out there” on our own. When I was 17, I had no idea what I wanted to do, where I wanted to be. Of course, I said I knew.

    So, what do you want to be when you’re grown up? Before you answer, take your boy Merle and your Lito out on the trail. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. THank you! I enjoy the longer ones better myself, even to write. I think you are right about how the world works. That is where, in my little opinion, everyone really needs to take some steps back and really evaluate what they want. Not what they think someone else should want or have. I personally can not hide in fear and am living my life like I might not have tomorrow. Some might read that as reckless if they do not know me. I am by no means anywhere close to reckless, regardless of the times. I just know how precious every moment is. I never congregate in crowds normally anyhow. For me it means spending more time with my animals. Being outside more. Riding with my friends outside and going to places we have never been before. Soaking up my time with my family. Getting rid of the unnecessary. Not letting others dictate how and what.

      What do I want to be when I grow up? I have no idea other than I know I am closer to it now than I ever have been. And it includes more of my boys Merle and Lito and my girl Cheetah.

      Liked by 2 people

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