My Darcy Girl

There are sometimes things that happen in this earthly life that we do not understand, and it is likely that we will never know why on this side. This will most probably go at the top of that list.

A week ago tomorrow, I looked at my Doolittle and I knew it was time for me to let go. In the way that people always say it happens.

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I had done everything up to that point to keep her comfortable and she told me that it was no longer enough, but more meds did not mean living. I did everything I could to slow if not stop this freight train, but I found it had no brakes.

I could go on in details, and I will privately for anyone that is in the same position if it would be helpful, but I do not want that here. I do not want that on her remembrance.

So. I did the only thing I could do for her. The last, greatest and hardest gift I could give her. To set her free. To let her go home free of pain and suffering. To let her be happy.

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My mom drove us out to the farm that Friday afternoon where my Pops was waiting. It was threatening to rain and the clouds were growing darker. We took one last short walk in the pasture to greet the horses. Darcy was not much up for it, but I needed them. My Lito buried his head in my chest and Cheetah looked at me in that way only a special mare can. In that knowing way.

We sat on the porch and watched a light rain sprinkle and dry before our eyes while we waited.

The vet and tech arrived and they were as kind and nice as they could be. It was all very calm and peaceful. There were a lot of tears.

Then the most amazing thing happened. I have no words to explain it other than I know it was God. Those dark and threatening clouds parted in the very moment that Darcy left this earth and the sun shone through so very bright and strong. The intensity I felt I have never known and I can not describe in words. I could do nothing but smile up through my tears.

I carried her down to her final resting place with the others on the far side of the pond, under a great Pecan tree. I dipped her paws in the pond one last time so she could be farm dirty like she is supposed to be.

Back up at the house, I sat on the porch with my parents looking down the valley. I found myself looking through a heart shaped hole in the leaves of an oak tree with the sun twinkling and winking through.

I do not know how I did it other than I knew that was what I had to do.

She loved unconditionally. She more than spread joy everywhere she went, she was the living embodiment of it. An example to be made. She taught me about life and perspective. She taught me more than I could write about, here or otherwise. She was independent as heck fire and tough as nails, but she was also supremely sensitive, perceptive, and gentle. She was unabashedly herself. She was Darcy. She was my wingpup.

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She was more than just a dog.

I may not know much or why, but I do know where she is, who she is with, and where she will be waiting, putting her own spin on that angel band up there in the sky. I have no doubt that her great spirit was needed for His good. Even if it does feel like a double barrel kick in the guts. Even if it does feel at times like my heart might not even be there anymore. I am so grateful to have had her for those almost six years.

I want to thank all the vets and techs who have worked so hard to help and comfort us through all of this. My Pops who called and arranged everything because neither my Mom or I could do it, both of them for being there for us in the moment, and my whole family for checking in on me. And, I think most importantly, the vet and tech who met us out at the farm to do the job. I can not thank them enough for just being them. I do not have the words to thank you properly. Just, thank you.

Interestingly enough, this poem popped up today.

Get your tissues out, you will need more than one.


If it should be that I grow frail and weak
And pain does keep me from my sleep,
Then will you do what must be done
For this – the last battle – can’t be won.
You will be sad I understand
But don’t let grief then stay you hand.
For on this day, more than the rest
Your love and friendship must stand the test.
We have had so many happy years,
You wouldn’t want me to suffer so.
When the time comes, please let me go.
Take me to where my needs they’ll tend,
Only, stay with me till the end.
And hold me firm and speak to me
Until my eyes no longer see.
I know in time you will agree
It is a kindness you do to me.
Although my tail its last has waved,
From pain and suffering I have been saved.
Don’t grieve that it must now be you
Who has to decide this thing to do.
We’ve been so close – we two – these years,
Don’t let your heart hold any tears.
~Unknown

 

 

Walk in love, my dear readers, we all need it.

When It Rains

This world has a lot of sayings, many that are often misunderstood. Have you ever heard the one about when it rains?

Something about it pouring?

Ya. I have heard that too. When it rains, it pours. A lot actually. I even use the phrase myself, lightly and in passing, never really giving it much thought. It has a whole new meaning to me now.

It truly is a shame that sometimes, as in right now, my life can not be like a music video. At least there would be some laughing matter.

Yes indeed, something quite like this. This looks lovely, would not you say? Kinda funny.

However, in my particular case these days, when it rains…..

It pours…

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Sorry, I am not really sorry. I do not know how to even say it without trying to make light while my heart is in my throat choking me.

This is my reality. Part of the ‘whole lotta life‘ I have been living. A curve ball so far out of left field, it came from the right, just as the fast ball barreled through the heart of home plate.

I can’t believe I am having to write this. Never did I ever think in a million years this would happen.

I have some not so good news to share. The worst possible kind.

The silent kind.

My Darcy has been diagnosed with cancer.

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What the literal heck fire on God’s green earth?!

My sweet and innocent Darcy girl. Not even six years old.

It is quite advanced and pervasive. Between ultrasound and test results, her current status and lack of appetite, my own research, and separate vet opinions, there is not a viable treatment option.

I am completely gutted. It has taken us by storm, the likes of which I have never before known. Not like a slow creeping hurricane. It feels more than rude and unfair. Human life is hard enough on its own without making the animal lives hard.

I could go on in this manner, and admittedly I have had those moments (completely broke down while driving and again on a restaurant patio with my mom), but we must be strong and positive for her. View the world and live life the way she does. Give her the best of the best. Keep playing. We have not struck out in the game of life.

So.

We celebrate the life we have, every day, and take each day as it comes. I am going to do everything I can to give her the best quality of life possible until it is her time. She can eat whatever she wants to eat, healthy diet out the window. She is going to go with me everywhere possible. We are going to have as much farm time as I can manage. We find a reason (and there are many) to sing a song through it all.

All the prayers, positive thoughts and vibes would be greatly appreciated by us both.

I do not understand this and I do not think I ever will.

Such a happy dog that brings endless joy to every being she encounters. So much greatness must be shared. Her spirit must have a greater calling.

If you have any tried and true proven ways to keep a dog eating, lay them on me. I need more tricks up my sleeve.

There is a life lesson somewhere in here. I am just working on unpacking it.

Walk in love, dear readers, even when it is dang hard. I am taking my time.

 

 

Remember Me?

Yoohoo. Hi. Over here.

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Ya. Remember me?

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Yes, me. Your long lost friend. Hi, ya. I have missed y’all!

How is it May? And how has it been two weeks since I have written you? Not sure how that quite happened. It was not intentional, that is for dang sure. I have not fallen off the face of the earth. Maybe you wish I had! Anyway, it is not for lack of goings ons. 

There has just been a lot of life going on over here in my world. Now is not the time for that though.

Not to worry and they say worrying is fruitless anyhow (spoiler alert, it is true). God has it all and me. And you. This I know with great conviction. He has been ever present throughout it all and is still here.

I will do my best to get back to writing to y’all regularly, but in the meantime, enjoy some photos of the past couple of weeks.

Life and time go on, man. It is how you use it. How you live it. How you share it. AHAmoment. Taking each and every day to be better than you were the day before. Letting God work through you for the blessings of others.

Walk in love, dear readers!

Work trips are not all that bad.

But being at the farm is better. Especially to catch the moon setting in the morning.

I do, I love you.

Getting our steps in.

Boop.

Magic.

Easter eve yoga for the Darcy dog.

A new view.

Easter morning sunrise.

Tuners with all the words to say.

Cooking is always a good idea. It is good for the soul. Roasted red pepper soup from scratch. Pretty dang good.

Until next time…which will be soon! I am spending the weekend with some of my best friends riding horses here in the great state! Even if it rains, it will be a grand time!

 

A Heart Beat Apart

Good morning, dear readers!

Yes, I know that is a sunset picture, but I like it and it makes my heart smile. So there.

Anyway, today is Tuesday. Tune Tuesday. So, tune in.


“So take what you got and do something with it
Don’t waste your money on cocaine and whippets
And watch what you say at the end of the day
You get less for your dollar and more heck to pay
Well my grandpa said
Living and dead
Are only a heart beat apart”
~The Damn Quails

Walk in love, dear readers.

No moment is promised.

Give up what you are holding on to. Pray for the faith to be generous, vulnerable, and courageous. Give of yourself to others. Everything is possible.

Afraid

Do not be afraid. Fear, no matter how seemingly small or insignificant, is no way to solve a problem or live a life.

Know what is in your heart and have faith. Stand your ground against the dark and fight for what you know is true. Pray about it and then let it go.

It is not about how much faith or having enough faith. Faith alone. Period. A drop of faith is all you need. An ounce. Or, rather, a mustard seed.

When the wolves bring in the darkness, stand up and stand your ground against it. What may seem small at the time will soon grow beyond. Have faith, pray, let it go. Be patient. Be a support to others in addition to yourself. It will all come together. You will see.


“The howlin’ moon would cry
I’d sleep the sun away
I was just a child
I knew I was afraid
There was nothin’ to gain, I found
By runnin’ the other way
I had to stand my ground
And keep the wolves at bay”

Walk in love, dear readers!

Once Upon A Time

Once upon a time…

Sounds like the promise of a good story, right?

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Ha! I shall leave you to be the judge of that. There are at least some good pictures! 

Once upon a time, it rained and rained and created all kinds of mud all over the state of Texas. And everywhere else across the land. A gal named Avery was kinda busy and losing her mind for lack of riding time.

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What is that? You have heard this one? No, no, no. The ending is good. Just stick with it. OK. Where was I? Oh ya…

Then it got cold while it continued to rain. That gal named Avery became even more busy (in a good way) and wondered if she would ever be able to really ride her horses again or write to her dear readers. Please forgive that gal named Avery for falling off the face of the earth and going MIA. Time kept passing her by.

This is where it gets good.

Then one fine day, spring appeared. The rains let up. The mud dried. The horses started to lose their winter coats. The pecan trees started to bud. All of a sudden, the stars aligned and the time was right. That gal named Avery loaded up that dog named Darcy and booked it out of town. She rode by herself. She rode with important people in her life. They rode. And that is what they did. And it was glorious.

The horses lost more hair.

Darcy took some naps when she was not running or getting dirty.

They rode by the river.

They rode under the clouds and across green pastures.

They rode down to the river on the beach.

The sun came out and sunsets were watched and it was magical in more ways than one.

They rode under the trees, over logs, and among favorite blue flowers down in the river bottom listening to the breeze and the light rain in the leaves.

They watched a little rain storm roll by and felt the drops cool their skin with the threat of the last cold snap.

Then more rain and wind and cold came. But that did not stop them. Still they rode.

It got even colder, but fun was still had by all.

Manes and pony tails went everywhere.

And that is what they did.

Then all was right in the world again.

They could not be more thankful or blessed.

The end.

Best story you have ever heard, right?!

I knew it.

How is it already April?! APRIL!!!

I am back, y’all, I promise.

Walk in love, dear readers, and I will talk to you soon.

Universal

I have a question for y’all.

Are you ready? OK, then.

What are the universal languages of this world?

Do not think too hard now. You will think right on past the answer quicker than you could drive through a one stop light town.

Do you have an idea? I will give you a few more moments to ponder.

It is not quite as difficult as you may think.

Alright, I will tell you.

Love and laughter.

AHAmoment. Simple as that.

Everyone understands them. No matter what kind of words you speak or don’t speak. Every being gets them. Especially animals. They know them better than us. Which is why having animals in our lives makes us better humans. Better communicators.

Go walk in love and laughter, dear readers! Have a happy Friday.

 

The Season Of Spring

It is upon us.

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Do not say it too terribly loud though. Or play the music too loud. Or dance too much. Or drink too much bubbly, even if it is Wine Wednesday (I may or may not be imbibing at this very moment). We do not want to scare it off. I do not think any of us can handle that, but I think it is safe to say we can celebrate a little and I am celebrating spring today. Remember there is always something to celebrate every day! You will know when it is time to turn the celebration up.

I almost can not believe it. It feels like just yesterday I was writing to you about the beginning of fall. The past several months have left me stunned with wind burned cheeks and windswept hair from the time speeding past me. I have entered a new season in my life apparently, but that is a story for another day. A whole other pot of thoughts to stir around.

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Anyway. Back to spring because that is what we are celebrating today.

The time has changed back. Do you know what that means?

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You think I am kidding? This is no laughing matter. Ask any horse person. Well any horse person without arena lights. This means MORE RIDING TIME. Seriously. I can actually go out to the farm after work and have time to ride! I could start jumping up and down this minute at the very thought.

The horses are starting to shed. All of them. Not just the early ones. All of them. I can see it now.

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Horse hair everywhere.

We have had the showers. For months actually, but we do not need to go on about that any more than I already have. You know what they say. Showers bring flowers.

Which brings me to…Wildflowers. They are coming out to play and things are getting green!

It is actually rainy today, but that is not raining on my parade today.

Spring, it is coming! Go smile and have some bubbly and celebrate.

Walk in love, dear readers! You made it through hump day!

 

Daily Dose Of Cute

Brace yourselves, dear readers.

I am not too sure y’all can handle this.

Really and truly I am not.

You think you can?

Are you sure?

OK, then. I did warn you.

SMOOCH!

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He got you, didn’t he? Sneak attack, I know. I bet it just made you smile though. Even if you were trying not to.

Any kiss from a Lito Man will do that, but a kiss from an awkward and gangley baby Lito will especially do it.

I just love that guy.

I have been able to wake up at the farm these last two days because of the cold snap we got. You know, feeding and blanketing and shoveling poop. My other day job. There really is nothing like seeing the horses first thing in the morning to get you going on the right foot.

Walk in love, dear readers, and have a great day!