Storms.

I have always been fascinated with storms. Whenever it rains, I practically run to a window to watch, like I have never seen rain before. Or open a door to experience it. Odd for a person born and raised in a place that typically gets plenty, don’t you think? I never realized I did this until we were in the worst of the drought and, now, trying to come out of it. Fingers crossed.

I really love the feel and smell of the rain. You know how you can smell it? Especially in West Texas where you can watch the storm approaching for miles before it even gets to you. I used to love to sit in a chair at the barn, listen to the horses eat hay, and watch the storms roll in. You can smell it coming when you see the clouds and you can smell it when it starts to rain. Hard to explain, but in explaining this to someone once, I learned a new word. Petrichor. Defined in the Oxford English Dictionary as “a pleasant, distinctive smell frequently accompanying the first rain after a long period of warm, dry weather in certain regions” or as “the earthy scent produced when rain falls on dry soil,” apparently coined by two Australian researchers. Have you ever smelled that before?

I also love the power in storms. It makes me feel small in this world. Feel the presence of things that are greater than I. Be a witness the change throughout and after. I always marvel at the electricity within storms, but electricity can be a crazy thing. Why, you ask? It just is, but let me tell you why, exactly. I experienced something I have never seen before in my life.

So. R came out to the farm Saturday afternoon with Ronan for a girls and horses sleepover. A new friend, J, and her horse Pepper came out as well. There were some big, fast moving storms developing throughout the afternoon and evening that we were going to have to avoid, but so long as we could ride Sunday, which looked pretty good, no one cared.

R and Ronan were able to get unloaded and settled before the storm got too bad. We ran inside to dry off and to wait for it to pass. When the rain stopped, we decided to go check on the horses. I was thinking about how I hoped J was not caught hauling in another big storm cell when the craziest thing happened.

We heard and felt it before we even saw it. The electricity. The snaps and pops. Our hair stood up on our arms. I swear our heart beats were altered. Then the sky quite literally lit up, covered in inter-fingering lighting bolts, all interconnected, right in front of our eyes. Immediately came the crack of thunder before we could even react. I practically dropped to the ground! It still boggles my mind! R and I stood there in awe for what felt like several minutes, not knowing quite what to make of it. We looked at each other and both asked the other, “DID YOU FEEL THAT?!”

Luckily, J and Pepper arrived safe and sound with zero similar experiences. When Pepper was settled, we had Mexican for dinner in town and Sunday morning greeted us in wonderful, beautiful glory. The calm change after the storm. The air was slightly cooler and drier. The sky was blue and and grass was green. The horses were great and we were all so relaxed. After we rode around the farm for a while, we stopped for a quick popsicle break (because, hello, why not) and decided to head down the road for a bit. Since the horses were all behaving well, and figured with it being Sunday traffic would be light, it would be the perfect time to have Lito’s first ride down the road. I am happy to report that he did very well! We had a couple respectful drivers pass us and he did much better than I expected. Cars are not his favorite thing. I am very proud of him and am excited about all of our adventures yet to come, so long as they do not include crazy, electric lighting.



Some shots from Friday night and Saturday because why not? God’s beauty should be shared!














I have some other exciting news to report.

T minus 5 five days before I am well on my way to the mountains for a five day vacation. Big news, I know, and I know you are jealous. At least everyone down here in the hot humid sauna. I can’t really complain though because we really have had a mild summer so far.

I will always be a Texas gal, but the mountains definitely hold a special place in my heart. They are so grand and remind me, similar to storms, how small I am. God’s presence is always big in the mountains. Especially in the summers. I have only been skiing once in my live. That was pretty cool, but it was many years ago. I think I prefer the summers. I reportedly always did if you ask my father. The cool air and warm sun. Green grass and wildflowers backed by Aspen trees. Hiking. Biking. FLY FISHING! Live music. Porch sitting/drinking/talking/reading. All the things. I will be there with my Parents, Sister K, and Bro-in-law T. If I was not so busy up until the day I leave, I would be going stir crazy!

Walk in love, dear readers!

Stay tuned next week for news from the mountain! Regularly programmed AHAmoments until then!

Go celebrate life, we all have much to celebrate!

The Path Of Least Resistance

The sun is fierce this morning, y’all. It feels like it is going to be a hot one. But. I am not here to talk about the weather. Even if it might be easier to do.

My creative juices have not been flowing forth as of late if you have not been able to tell. In a funk, if you will. Again. Or still. It is what it is, but I do not have to like it.

It is also scary. Being vulnerable. This whole blog thing. Making it public…what was I thinking!? Woof.

bBTn_h

Someone once said I was brave for starting this blog and sharing my story. I do not feel very brave lately.

I meant to post this last night, but then I got self conscious about it and conveniently ran out of time. What about the other days since I last posted? Shh. I do not know.

I am just going to say it. Part of this funk leaves me feeling alone. There, I said it. It is true. There is more to it than that, like vocation, desires, future, faithfully waiting that all plays its roll in the bigger picture of the feeling. Blah, blah, blah.

But here is the thing.

There are times when I think it might be easier to not be me. Did a bomb just go off? Very brief, short times, but still very present. Easier to change what might be different about me and be like ‘everyone else.’ Be more accepted. Whatever all that means.

I might fit in more. Who cares? Did I ever care about that? I am not sure I really do.

Have more friends. Do I need more friends? I have never been one to have a huge group. Just my close, small group.

Maybe not be single? Eh. I would rather not be in a relationship than be in one where I could not be myself.

That I wouldn’t feel lost in this way. Is lost a strong word for this? I am not sure. No stronger than alone, I guess. No one else seems to be going through this. They are all out living their lives. Aren’t they? Is that not what the book of face and insta prove? Ha! I do not believe any of that for a second.

Not stuck in my head of circular thoughts, unable to still.

I have no way of knowing any of that, but I do not believe it would be easier. Indeed it would be harder. I tried not to be someone I wasn’t once. It was terrible. It was in middle school. It sounds silly, I know, but it is true.

I had a very clear feeling that I was not like everyone else. I was too different. I was outside of the box. I felt like a round peg in a square hole. I liked different things, like going to the farm to ride. I did not care to break rules or do things we were not supposed to do. I was quiet. I related more to older people than kids my own age. I did not care to wear makeup or do my hair or wear nice clothes, much to my mother’s chagrin. I felt lost and I did not know why.

I told myself I was going to change. Be more square. Not talk about horses as much. Talk more. Make more friends. Look like someone I wasn’t. I do not know how long this lasted, but I do not think very long. I felt more lost than ever before. Like a stranger in my own skin. I suppose I made more ‘friends,’ but there were not real. I went back to being me because that was the only thing that felt right. It was easy and not hard.

I have been rather. Um. Restless as of late. Desiring a change and not knowing much more than that. Feeling an outside need for change, greater than my own desire. A greater and grander plan. I can’t see the path yet. I guess that is what seasons of waiting are to feel like. I do not know what it looks like or feels like. I am doing my best to seek Him and be faithful in my waiting. To grow and learn what He needs me to. To see and feel Him seeking me. To pray. Keeping knocking.


“Believe me, the choice that does not involve Him always ends up in a bad and downright disappointing place. It ends up in failure because it’s not the path we are meant to be on. It’s not the truth. Seek Him and you will find the truth.”
~Cory Morrow

Desiring a change in life, or rather, feeling the imminent change (and not knowing what it is) is different than changing who you are. Not being you. AHAmoment.

You were made a certain way for a reason. Divinely and uniquely made. Tailor-made. For a purpose. He has a plan and a path for that plan. The road and the gate are narrow, yet easy to follow when you keep your focus on him. We like to make things complicated and difficult. Keep it simple. His path is the path of least resistance.

Anyone still there??? Does any of this make sense? No?

Be yourself. Do not change what makes you, you.

Walk in love, dear readers.

Tune Tuesday

Ezekiel’s Wheel.

Mike McClure is one of my favorites, so that is reason enough to share, yes? That and this song keeps coming up, probably for a reason.

“Everything that I have been through
stands here in my shoes.
Every knock down, drag out
Every broken bone and bruise.
Every time I bet it all
convinced I wouldn’t lose,
knee deep in the powder
trying to light my own fuse.

No there a’int nothing new
under the sun.
Ya, one story ends
and anther has begun.
Ezekiel’s Wheel
is still spinnin’ around.
All that we have lost,
some day will be found.

Everything I once thought
has flown out of my mind
and everything I outran
has now left me far behind.
Every road it just keeps rollin’
ya, they twist and turn and wind.
I don’t know if it’s an accident
or by some grand design.

But there a’int nothing new
under the sun.
Ya, one story ends
and anther has begun.
Ezekiel’s Wheel
is still spinnin’ around.
All that we have lost,
some day will be found.

Well the tides have all turned inward
and the rocks are washed with waves.
There is a broken bottle on the beach,
but the note has blown away.
It was prolly just a riddle
written down in rhyme.
A little more of the same old,
one more time.

No there a’int nothing new
under the sun.
One story ends
and anther has begun.
Ezekiel’s Wheel
is still spinnin’ around.
All that we have lost,
some day will be found.”

One thing I do know, nothing is accident. It is a grand, divine design. It will all come full circle in time.

I will admit, that this is a Bible story I did not know until I heard the song. Hearing the song intrigued me and I looked it up. Any of you know much about it? Do share! I would love to hear your thoughts. There are plenty of thoughts out there around this story.

Walk in love, dear readers!

Monday…

…just like any other Monday?

Wrong. It is one that was not promised. I bet that changed your Monday blues.

Make the most of it, dear readers, and make it a great one.

Dare I say, make it a marvelous Monday!

Shine your light and spread the love! Get all hippie-dippie. Go on. You know you want to.

I had a lovely, restorative weekend at the farm (I even took a nap! Gasp, I know), capped by an amazing dinner with family last night. Seriously, that meal. Fresh caught red fish on the half shell topped with hollandaise and fresh crab meat served with green chili rice and green beans. We ate like kings. However, the meal was nothing compared to quality time spent with my niece and nephew. Love those little people!







I hope everyone had a great weekend and is getting their week off to a great start.

I for one am glad to be back in the swing. Bring it on! I have missed y’all!

Enjoy this piece by Ben Haggard.

What did you do this weekend?

Walk in love.

Day By Day

No worries, if you were. Still chugging along over here!

Excuse me, are we finished with this yet?

Just trying to catch up on life, day by day. An odd thought if you ask me, when you really think about it. Catching up on life. Sometimes, stuff just adds up in life and there is not much time left to do anything but get what rest you can and wake up in the morning and do it again. AHAmoment. Tackle the day you have when you get it, and get done what needs to get done. No more, no less. Just like riding the horse you have that day. Sometimes, the basic needs are all that gets accomplished, and that is more than OK! One step at a time. Just let go and let Him because He is our strength. With Him and trough Him, all will get done, in His time! And it will be beautiful.


Working, injured horse, equine health scare, hours and miles in the car, moving, mom’s knee surgery, broken cars, change, and a whole lot of other every day life stuff has kinda added up over the last month and my conversations with y’all have suffered. For that, I am sorry. But, we are no worse for wear and hopefully slowing down a little! It is easier to remember to breathe when there are not so many things going on, but just like H said, slow down and take a breath and then take a step. If I would have remembered that, maybe I would not have had that diesel incident!…or lack there of, as it were.

I do not have much to report and that is OK. This too shall change, of that I am sure.

I do have a couple good news updates and many things to celebrate.

We finished Lito’s rehab/physical therapy exercise regimen yesterday with complete soundness and the vet came out to check him. He was cleared to be on full turnout again and to slowly return to full work! Relieved is what I think I feel, but it is a slow release. One day, one step, one breath at a time! I will ride the horse I have that day and we will get back to where we were! I am celebrating this!

 

Does this mean we can’t go to the farm every day anymore?

Also, I am finally and officially moved into my townhouse. Let us not discuss how long that took me. Way too long, but that does not matter. What matters is that Darcy and I are there and we love it. It feels good and we have already met a neighbor! I have a few things left I need to tend to, but we are 90% there.

Anyway, that is where we are.

I will leave you with this, my final thought. Brought to you by Owen Temple. Make it a beautiful life. You do only get one. We are surrounded by beauty and light if we allow ourselves to see it!


“Not gonna give up, not gonna give in
Making a life, not just a living”


Like seeing my horses basically every day for the past several weeks. Darcy. The green grass and trees. The blue sky and clouds. The breeze that kept us cooler. The sound of hoof beats on our dirt road. Lito’s attitude and heart, golden rod coat, Beatles-like mane, and cute pricked ears. Like finally having my own place again. Like my cousin marrying the woman of his dreams and being with my family. Celebrating Father’s Day with my dad!

Wedding fun with mom and sisters.

 

The best Pops.





Walk in love, dear readers! Until next time. Very soon.

Crisis?

I have never understood the whole quarter life or mid life crisis thing. Always was an odd concept to me. A conundrum. I jokingly throw around the term at times. I typically think of age as just a number. A number that many people use as an excuse or something to dread. Or view as a ticking time bomb or one of those daily flip calendars with a finite number of pages. The truth is, you are the age you feel you are. I have never really felt my age, even when I was little. Dare I say that I typically think of myself as an old soul. I read somewhere that one should never admit to that if you ever want to get married. Well, I just did. I suppose I am doomed now.

 


“Yeah there are different roads to happiness
I took a different path I guess
Came out on the others side just fine
The losing side of twenty five”


Turning twenty five was no big deal for me like everyone makes it out to be. Well, on second thought, maybe it was. I was either twenty four or five when I died my hair on a whim. Making the decision as I walked in the door of the salon. Pretty out of character for this planner. It was supposed to be redish and my parents freaked out like I had gone to the dark side and said it was purple. It wasn’t purple, at least not after it faded.

Twenty six was a big one. When I turned twenty six I felt like I was kicked on my bum out of the nest, falling on a large stick puncturing my wallet as I had to get my own health insurance policy. A puncture that just keeps getting bigger. Like some terrible kind of graduation gift that just keeps on giving. I called that a quarter life crisis to be funny, but honestly, I still do not know why it felt like such a big deal. Everyone has to do it. The hair dying was probably closer to a crisis, depending on who you ask. Some people may even call this blog, created almost a year ago, a quarter life crisis.

 


“My regrets are far and few between
and I can’t say that they’ve cost me a thing.
Except some money and a little bit of love,
But I’ll give that up.

If I can say that I am still my own
Without the rules that they forced upon.
At least since they day that I was had
because I can’t go back.”


At twenty eight, I sometimes feel like I am back where I was at twenty three, fresh out of undergrad, wondering why on earth I worked to graduate on time and give up my ability to ride every day. Still with an urge to dye my hair and blame it on a quarter life crisis just because. Just because I feel antsy. Questioning my life decisions and wondering. What is next? What am I supposed to be learning here?

I don’t think a season of life in transition, with God pushing me into rest, prayer, and waiting, can be considered a quarter life crisis. That is what I think most people do.

Here is the thing though. Everyone is in their own boat on the same sea. It is all a part of the journey. AHAmoment. The path. Individual and unique, just like you. The end destination is the same for everyone on different roads with different challenges. Might as well enjoy the ride! Look back at the end and marvel at what was experienced and accomplished instead of regrets or what went wrong. There will be many more seasons of transition to prepare you for what is next, often feeling like the waves going up and down the beach. One minute you think you are up and then the next you are back. The key is to stay the course. Just like working with a horse. One bad ride does not doom the next. Give them time to learn and figure it out. One mistake does not define a life. Mistakes do not exist if we learn from them. Be patient. Pray. Learn and grow. It is hard, yes, but in due time, His time, you will know what the next step is and when to take it. The next season will begin.

 


“When you are at war with yourself, you are bound to lose.”


So, no. No crisis. Never was and never will be. I am over here, happily in transition. Faithfully waiting. My current season of rest. Still. It does not come easy for me, but with His help, it will get easier. I will be prepared.

I’m not going to dye my hair, don’t worry. At least I don’t think so.

How I get to all of that from listening to one song is a wonder to me. Hello? Did I lose you? Anyone still there?

The good news is, the strangles scare was just that, a scare. I will still check each horse just in case while I am out tending to my Lito man. Speaking of Lito. He still seems to be recovering well and is enjoying his short workouts. Keeping sound with no added heat or swelling. Barring any schedule changes, we should be ready for his vet check by Wednesday or Thursday next week. Fingers crossed, dear readers.

Walk in love!

Facepalm.

The sun’s predawn light trickled through the blinds as I blinked, reaching for my phone to turn off my alarm. Patting my bedside table, I realized it was not there, but I was still not comprehending. The only thought was why the volume was so loud and how it seemed to slowly get that way. Like it came from afar. My vision finally came to when I saw a dark something on my sheets, very close to my pillow. Strange. What in the world could that be. I did not hear my alarm anymore. I laid there staring. My still asleep mind jumped to a pool of blood. Yes, that is natural. That has to be it. Where could it have come from. My nose? I never get nose bleeds. My ear? Heck if I know. What is it?! How?

I moved my sheet and discovered the rest of the black rectangular shape that was my phone. I dropped my head like a rock on my pillow with a sigh as I began to hear my alarm sing again. Turn that off. I have to get up. Shower. Go be an adult. How I longed for the days of my youth when we got to take naps at school. Why did we fight the naps? Most all kids seem to fight the nap. If only I could tell them not to. If only they knew!

Such a dramatic wake up for a day like Monday! I can not read into that one too much. When I had my appendix taken out, I woke up one night from a nightmare that I bled out. I read somewhere that is common after surgery. Yesterday was somewhat dramatic. I am not sure if that is really the word, but we will go with it.

I can not help but feel that my life lately can be summed up in a single emoji. Something like this…facepalm

Especially yesterday. Ugh. I do not even want to share. But. That is what this is for, right? What IT is about? Sharing our story. Yes. Please tell me I am not alone at the end of this.

I spent the weekend at the farm. Lito started his light trot work and was nice and sound. He seemed to be quite happy to not just be walking and the short 5 min of trot had him slightly breathing. On Saturday, I loaded up Cheetah and rode with some friends who have a place down the road from us. Cheetah was great and we had a grand time. Rode in the morning. Then had mimosas in the shade before spending the afternoon in the pool. We had dinner and I got home a little late but not bad.

I had Sunday all planned. You know what they say about plans, right? Anyway, I woke up without an alarm a little after 6 AM. After trying to will myself into sleeping more, I got up and went to go feed the horses with the dogs. I was dog sitting for some friends over the weekend. I had a leisurely breakfast and read a little with my coffee. I got dressed and took care of some things before taking Lito out for his little bite of exercise. All good. I packed and did some house cleaning, before loading up the dogs to head back before lunch time. I had all afternoon.

I was going to get back to town and drop of the dogs at their home. Then Darcy and I would go on our merry way to our new townhouse and finish moving over the course of the afternoon. We were to spend our first night there. I was excited. I will add that Darcy was excited too just for dramatic effect. We need more of that.

I stopped in the little town right by the farm to fill up before hitting the road. I did my auto pilot thing. You know how you are doing things and do not even realize it because you do them all the time and your mind is off in a different world thinking about other things? Not really in the present? That. I filled up like I always fill my car. MY CAR. Not my dad’s diesel truck.

Yes. you read that correctly.

I could not have felt more stupid. I am not a stupid person. 

I sat in the truck while it filled up completely oblivious to what I had just done. Just waiting. Yelling at Poodie to stop barking at the innocent people walking back to their cars with their drinks and snacks. I heard the pump click off. In a split second my eyes got wide as I got an image in my mind of what I just done. No, surely not. I hope I did not just do that. Don’t freak out just yet. Turn around and look to confirm before you freak out.

That was a wasted second of clear, level thinking. I turned around to see the gas pup innocently resting in the diesel tank of the truck. My head dropped as I took a breath. I returned the pump to its holster and slowly turned around to sit in the truck and think. No one answered their phones. Typical. I called my dad three times. I look up and see I from the feed store! Oh thank you Lord! I waved him over and gave him the run down. He was very happy I did not start the truck. My spirits lightened slightly at that. He gave me our mechanic’s brother’s number who has a tow truck. Then called the mechanic begging for help.

Lucky for me, we are long time customers and they are nice people. I owe a lot of people some homemade cookies. I seemed a little worried about me, but I assured him I would be fine once I quit being mad at myself and I would text him if I needed a ride or when I got back safely.

My dad called me and said, “What is wrong?” Well, I told him what happened and that I had the ball rolling to get it fixed. His responded with, “Oh no.” I know. “You didn’t start it did you?” No, I didn’t start it.

We got the truck towed down the road to the shop. “You didn’t start it did you?!” NO! I didn’t start it!!! Why doesn’t anyone believe me! “Don’t feel bad, I had someone just last week who did this. At least you didn’t start it.”

The tow truck driver gave us a ride back to the farm. The four of us. Me and the three dogs. A comical sight on the bench seat of a tow truck and a bit of a tight squeeze.

R came to rescue us from the farm and deliver us safely back home. She was our knight in shining steel she said. She has jokes that one. I could not ask my parents to do that. I felt, and still kinda feel, like a cowering dog with his tail tucked between his legs. They were not mad, but I was. I made R stay for dinner. R said she has driven off with the pump a few times. Thanks for trying to make me feel better, R.

Hopefully it will be all fixed today.

At least it makes for a good story? Self deprecating humor? Eventually.

Mom said to be nice to myself. People make mistakes. Yes, we do. Some just are not that easy to swallow. I tried to google how often people do this. Ha! Not an easy answer. I will find the humor!

Today is a new day, as my mother said this very morning. And it is just that!

A new day, and new hit. You only thought that was the end of it or the worst of it. I just got a text from a friend that I rode with last weekend. She is pretty sure her horse has strangles and to watch our horses closely. Great.

But hey, I am already there taking care of Lito, no time like the present. Praying that it is not and that our horses do not contract it!495ef000d5b2d8fb2a47b0f9246c8b1d

We will tackle this too. These issues do not know who they are dealing with!

We will tackle them with high heads, walking in love. Drawing our strength through Him, growing and learning.