Tag: questions

10 Years.

On By AveryIn Faith, Life10 Comments

I was not sure if I was going to post this or not. I feel like I should ask for forgiveness or offer an apology for this post now.

Has it been ten years?

It feels like it has been ten years. That I have been out of town for ten years.

That is what this last year has felt like.

Is that what was intended?

Do you remember the time in between? I think I do, but honestly it is somewhat hard.

It has felt like a time warp. Does anyone else feel the same way? I know many people who do feel the same way. Just the other day I was talking with a friend who’s husband was celebrating a birthday. “Wait, didn’t he just have a birthday?” I asked. “Yes, he did just have a birthday, it is the covid time warp.” “Must be,” as I pondered in reply. Except that it was a whole year ago!

I was talking with my riding friends about a conversation we had with another friend. Or maybe it was about when the last time we had seen this other friend. Anyway. “Just the other day,” I swore it was. “That was over a year ago,” they said with a sweet chuckle and a gentle shake of the head. “I suppose it was,” I mused as I tried to brush off that nagging feeling. Was it really over a year ago? It felt like just a few weeks ago. Although, I will admit, I am prone to those ‘just the other day’ feelings anyway. I get it from Pops.

Then there was Easter. Easter was even more strange. We finally were at the point where everyone was comfortable enough in some capacity to gather. We did not celebrate Christmas or Thanksgiving or any other holiday together this year. That is where I really felt like I was an ‘out of towner.’ An outside family member. One that moved away long ago and does not make it back often enough. Strange to the point where I almost did not know how to act. It was somewhat stiff and not quite comfortable. Very different than our usual.

Yes, it was strange because it had been a while, sure. We ‘normally’ all gather at every holiday. We are not used to that. Not gathering. At least I am not, I did not care for it one bit. But, really, it was that very question of why. Why did we not? Why did we voluntarily forfeit such precious time and moments? Memories? Love? We are not promised time. Ours or theirs. We are not promised tomorrow. How can such a vital and important truth be so easily forgotten even now? Especially now? After all of this? What if they were not here tomorrow?

I do not mean to make light of a serious situation. I really do not. But does it not make you wonder if it is worth it? Giving up your precious gift of time and everything that means? Not seeing the people you love when you might not see them tomorrow? Or similarly not doing what you love? Many people read right over those questions and just not go there. Go there. Really think about it. Which situation is more serious?

As I drive in the traffic again that has built to almost its pre-covid levels here in the big city, to and from work with everyone else, I feel as though I have forgotten what that too was like. The traffic and the hustle and bustle and fast pace. That one singular thought of ‘progress’ above all else or any one at any cost. As I yet again get sped around by an irate person laying on their horn and flipping me the bird for not driving over the speed limit to then slam on my brakes at a backed up line of bright red tail lights stopped at yet another red light. Just for them to get one car ahead and skidder to a stop. I always wonder if people feel better after behaving in such a manner. Does that make their day better? Make their problems go away? Bring their time and energy back? I do not know how it would, but I hope it does.

Or maybe it is rather, that I have a much lower tolerance for it now than I did before. Years ago or even just before covid. Which, admittedly, before my tolerance was pretty low for a person that grew up here.

Again I question why. Questions that plagued my mind before, are ever present in my mind as the days go on.

Why is it that I live here? How much more of my precious gift of time will be wasted sitting here in traffic? Fighting someone else’s fight to get…where? How much time has already been lost? And yet, here we all are, sitting here wasting more? Or anything else that we give our time to. It is not lending. We do not get it back. Worrying about things that can not change. Giving to people that do not give back. Doing anything that is not additive to your life.

That is why I talk with family and friends on the phone while driving. Or listen to uplifting music and podcasts. Or mind broadening books. Even if they are romance novels!

I live here now, but I can tell you I will not forever. I am dreaming and planning. Formulating the adventure. Planning on less time wasted.

Why say no?

That is why I say yes. Carpe diem now more than ever before. People say that lightly all the time, It is my prayer that it will become a truth for more people. Say yes. This is your time to spend. It is a gift not to be wasted. Go ride. Get the horse or dog. Go be with friends. Travel. See all that you can. Enjoy the journey. The adventure. The experience. And. Create the memory to share. Spark joy within your heart and the hearts of those around you. Adjust the priority. That is up to you. You are the banker of your time.

Dream the dream. Plan the adventure. Work towards that shared sunset and a tall grass turnout for your ride or die. Each step and each day you have made it. You have already won.

Think about what you are fighting for every day. Are you happy? Is it sparking joy? Is it actually getting you where you want to go? Why? Is it giving you more time with your family? Time to do what you love?

Every post I begin to pen becomes so overwhelming and heavy that I can no longer write it. I feel it even now. I am practically paralyzed to even put another letter down. Blogging has become hard. In part to having difficulty in just putting the right words around my thoughts, but in truth, the other part is that I am scared of people’s reactions. It is too hard to avoid this. I might lose readers for saying these things, but that is not what I created AHAmoments for.

I wrote a whole post after the freeze about perspective after seeing so much complaining. Granted, there were things to complain about, I will not lie about that even if I will not go into that because that is more of a political matter. And this, my dear readers, is still no place for that. But back to the topic at hand, the majority of the complaining was coming from blessed people in their homes with many layers and groceries to eat. How many farmers and ranchers were outside day and night fighting to keep their animals and operations alive to provide those groceries? How many people were alone or without a home or layers to be in? It is all about perspective. It could always be worse. Somehow, people still do not get it.

Should not this be a turning point? A grabbing and shaking of the shoulders for all man kind. A slap to the face. To wake up. To open eyes.

At a time when we are all so seemingly desperate to get back to the basics and foundation, to what is really important and what makes this life worth living and meaningful, what has changed? I hear people express this sentiment with ever more increasing frequency and yet, they do nothing. After all of this. After all that has been taken. I fear in reality nothing has really changed. Have we learned nothing from this past year? Are we just going to go right back to the way things were?

I am not.

I have spoken here a lot about saying yes and living your life for you. I am doing it and working towards being able to do more of it. I feel like part of what I am here on this earth to do is to remind you and myself of that. So here I am. Reminding you, should you need that reminder. Look out for my boot, it is coming for your backside and friend, it is covered in mud. Do not think you are alone in wading through it.

Make the changes. Do the work and do it for yourself. Get back to the basics. It is your time and nobody is promised any of it.

Do not let fear govern your life. ESPECIALLY after all of this. Make this past year count for something good. You can handle anything. It is hard. If you really think about it, we let fear make a bunch of decisions. That is how we have gotten where we are today.

Spend your time like it is going out of style because it is.

Thank you, dear readers, for allowing me my mini rant. As always, walk in love. Remember those around you and keep perspective. Say yes and go live your life. Do not waste your time. Back to our regularly scheduled programing later.

Getting To Know You

On By AveryIn Life, Uncategorized4 Comments

The ‘Have You Ever’ version. I saw this posted somewhere in that big wide world of social media and I thought it was fun and wanted to bring it here! I did something similar a while back in a thirty questions version (Did you miss that? Check it out here and here!).

In the interest of being open since it is a ‘new’ year and letting you get to know me a little better! Join in if you wish by answering and/or asking! It’ll be fun!

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Have you ever….

Been arrested? – No! Good heavens. However, I have bailed someone out before.

Been married? – Nope.

Been divorced? – No. See answer above.

Fallen in love? – Yup, I sure have.

Had your heart broken? – Yes, in more ways than one.

Skipped school? – Yes, but I did not do it until I was in college. Even then I only did it a few times. It was mostly horse related. I know you are surprised. 

Watched someone give birth? – Not a human! I have been very close to when a human gave birth. My oldest sister, A!

Watched someone die? – Yes, but not a person. 

Been to Canada? – No, but I have always wanted to! Especially Alberta and British Colombia. 

Ridden in An Ambulance? – Yes. They made me when I had to evict my appendix forcibly from my body when I was 25. Martin Luther King Day. Rather rude way to spend a day off. 

Been to Hawaii? – Yes! Once many years ago. My Pops‘ brother, lovely wife, and one of my cousins (my uncle’s youngest) live there. It is high on my list to go again now that I know what it is really like. Aunt M (Pops’ sister) is going to visit at the end of this month and I seriously considered buying a last minute ticket to tag along. Unfortunately, work spoiled that plan. 

Been to Europe? – Yes! Once and by myself! That was exciting! If you missed the adventure…You can read all about it here!: Part 1. Part 2. Part 3. Part 4. Part 5. That is a lot of parts! Well, I was there for two weeks and there was a lot to cover! Horses and country and food and wine! I still dream about the best ride and the best dinner. I use those spices I bought often and am thinking about ordering more online. 

Been to Washington D.C.? – No. And I am still upset about it. I remember it. My Mother took my older two sisters to D. C. and left me and Pops behind. I remember throwing a fit about it and Mamma told me I was too young for all the walking. I did not believe it then and I still do not now! I don’t remember how old I was other than that I was in elementary school. 

Visited Florida? – Does the Miami airport count? I was on my way to the Dominican Republic. It was interesting. 

Seen the Grand Canyon? – No. Many find that odd given my profession. I kinda sorta agree! It is on the list. 

Flown in a helicopter? – No, but I want to! I wish I had one on most week days. Too much traffic in this dang city. 

Been on a cruise? – No, and I am not so sure I want to. 

Served on a jury? – No, but I have been close!

Been in a movie – …for school!

Danced in the rain – Heck to the yes! Many times. More than I can count. That is what life is about! What IT is about!

Been to Los Angeles – No. 

Been to New York City? – Yes to visit my best friend from high school on Memorial Day Weekend. I had such a great time. I thought I would not care for it that much. I did not even get to catch a show. Sounds like I need to go back!

Played/Sang in a band – No, but I dream about it! When I am in my car. Alone. With the volume turned way up! …so I can not actually hear myself sing!

Laughed so much you cried – Of course! Many, many, many times! Indeed, this too is what life is about. Most distinctly that I remember, I did it on our ride back in October. So many times in fact that I lost count. 

Caught snowflake on your tongue – Yes. I have also watched horses stare up into the sky at falling snow. I was blessed enough to watch Darcy play in the snow her first and only time. I still can not look at those photos. You can go look at them. 

Had children? – Nope, but I pray I am blessed to be able to one day. 

Had a pet(s)? – Ha! Yes! 

Been sledding on a big hill? – I do not think so. I think Mamma got wise to that with the first two. And well…we live relatively flat and snow free. 

Been downhill skiing? – Yes. Once. I do not remember being too terribly good at it, but then again, I was young. We are more of mountains in summer type people anyhow. 

Ridden on a motorcycle? – Yes, with the adult neighbor of a childhood friend when I was in elementary school. I remember thinking at the moment that my mother might not be too happy about this.

Traveled to all 50 states? – No, but that sure would be cool! I have been to a few. You can read about my most recent new multi state visit here!

Been to a drive-in movie? – Yes. In college. I do not even remember what it was, but I do remember that my high school best friend was in town for a visit. 

Ridden an elephant? – No, I have never ridden an elephant, but I really want to!

Ridden a horse? – Ha! Hahaha. Yes, I have ridden quite a few horses! 

Been on TV? – I do not think so? I have been (well, my back has) on a photo ad for my university without knowing it. 

Been in the newspaper? – I do not think so. 

Stayed in the Hospital? – Yes. The aforementioned, blessed appendix! Good riddance! 

Donated blood? – No. If I did not hyperventilate every time I had an I.V. I would. 

Gotten a piercing? – My ears, but not till I was in college. People think that is strange. I suppose it is. Now that they are pierced, I am rarely without earrings. 

Gotten a tattoo? – No, but I have thought about it. This might be surprising to you. It is kinda surprising to me to be honest. Like I will never do it, but…

Driven a stick shift vehicle? – Yes, but not very well.

Been scuba diving? – No. Kinda scares me. 

Been snorkeling? – Yes. In Hawaii and maybe the Dominican Republic. I can not remember. 

Gotten a speeding ticket? – …yes…Until not that long ago I would have proudly said only one many years ago! Well, I can not say that now…

Gotten stitches? – …APPENDIX…Although, really there were not all that many.

Traveled Alone? – Yes! Read above about my adventure in France! I highly recommend the practice every now and then.

Join in on the fun!

Walk in love, dear readers!

Dreams

On By AveryIn Uncategorized4 Comments

You know, dreams are funny thing. I have always thought this.

Some nights you do not remember any of them. Some nights you wish you did not have any, but you can not shake the memory for the life of you. Some dreams are even repeat players. Then there are the nights where you have such vivid and clear and lovely dreams that the images and feelings stick with you for more than just the day, but for what feels like a lifetime. You could retell, with exacting clarity, every moment of that dream over and over. God help the person that really dislikes to hear about dreams. I seem to find myself compelled to tell those people all about my dreams.

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I have had two of those dreams in as many weeks.

The first was not this past Monday, but the Monday before.

In this dream I was riding Lito in a little arena by a little white house with peeling and chipping paint out in the country. Set off a little ways by a small, quiet country road with little traffic. The rest of the property was cross fenced with rusty barbed wire and crooked wooden posts into little pastures full of grass. All of this was surrounded by other, similar parcels.

The house had a green and white striped, mildew stained awning over what I guess what the kitchen window and a little covered porch that led to the front door. The front door had a big square window with a curtain hanging from the inside. Next to the door on the porch, crookedly sat one of those rusty, metal chairs. Part way facing the road and part way facing down the two steps off the porch and to the arena.

There I was was with my Lito, riding in that little arena. It was day time, but I remember there were arena lights that could be used for night rides. And we were not alone. There were a handful of other riders with us. All doing our own thing, as I was. The curious thing about it was, I do not think I knew any of them. Maybe it was that they were not important to what was between us. Between me and Lito.

I did seem to know, in some form or another, a man that was standing, leaning on the arena fence by the road. The manner of our connection I knew not, but when we trotted down that long side of the arena where he was near the end of my ride, we smiled at each other. Seemingly knowing something, the same thing.

I know what I knew. It was Lito and the ride was magical. We were totally in tune. That is the only way I can describe it. He was forward, but not too. He was just there. My thoughts were his and his were mine. It was our own little world out there in that little country arena and we just were. It felt like a dance I have yet to really know. Focusing and working on nothing, just riding.

That is when I woke up, as I trotted past the man. I awoke knowing, somehow, that feeling was going to come true soon. Part of me wanted to cling to the sleep to try and get back to the dream (it is truly a shame that is not a thing) and the other part of me wanted to play hooky from work and go ride. And alright, I admit, there was a third part of me who wonders who the man was. Strange to have that strong of a feeling and it had me in a daze for days.

I had another of those dreams last night. It is actually one I think I have had before and not all that long ago.

I was in a place I have never been in real life. I want to say that it was not Texas, but I do not want to admit that. It felt like a foothills region if not even mountainous. The air was crisp, the grass was very green, and the trees felt like they looked like Aspen trees, but I do not think they were. It was easy to visualize, standing and looking off the porch in the back, snow being there.

The building was somewhat of a log cabin style and there was an attached side building or room and the door out front was open. There was at least one other person with me, but again, I do not know who. The building was situated on the top of a little hill that likely went down to a little creek on the back side, but it was not a very steep hill. It was more of a gently sloping hill in most places.

I do not really know what was on either side of this building, but I knew there had to be a barn close by because as I entered this side room, I realized it was a tack room. And rather oddly, an empty tack room with a full wall covered in saddle racks. It was dark, but it was warm, cozy, comfortable, and full of color. It was then that the feeling began. I told somebody with a silly, childlike grin on my face that I had to put my tack in there. As only a horse girl would.

We continued through the tack room and past an unknown hallway, out the back door to the aforementioned porch looking down the hill where the truck and trailer full of horses was parked in the driveway that circled around the back. I know Lito was in there.

I looked around me, standing there on the porch. At the seating arrangement around me and down to the green grass and trees. And then to my left at the lower level deck and chairs down the stairs. I was hit with the feeling from before while I was in the tack room that this place, wherever it was, would be like home to me, if not my actual home one day. For as different as it was from the farm, it felt like the farm.

That was when I woke up. Dreams, man, they are an odd thing. I think I need another cup of coffee.

Have you ever had dreams like that? What do dreams mean to you? Tell me! My family hates hearing about my dreams. I just had to share.

Walk in love, dear readers!

30 Tidbits About Me

On By AveryIn Life, Uncategorized17 Comments

Want to know more about me? This is for you, everyone new and old to the happenings over here at AHAmoments. I have been asked a few questions over time and thought it would be a good idea for another ‘about me’ installment. You can get to know me a little better. Maybe you have zero care to know more and hey, that is cool too.

Honestly, this is a hard thing for me to do. I do not really fancy talking about myself. I much prefer to talk about other things. Like horses and music.

Odd that I have a blog, right? I know.

Anyway. I have seen a couple of people do a ’30 Facts About Me You Didn’t Know’ post, so it seemed like a sign. I am hopping on the band wagon, or something like that. To read through theirs, click here and here. I may or may not have gotten some inspiration from them, so thanks to them!

  1. I have a B.S. and an M.S. in Geology from two different schools. I took a year off in between and wish I had taken more time. During that time off, I worked at a kitchen supply store that offered cooking classes. I helped with the classes and it was pretty fun. I learned some things and got a discount. I should have purchased more things.
  2. I rode most every day at least once when I was in college. Man, how I miss that. Tell me again why I wanted to leave and go to work? Oh, right. I had to pay for my habit.
  3. I have never lived outside of the state of Texas and have only lived in two cities.
  4. In high school, I was voted biggest fan of Texas. Which is actually really cool to me because I am and I did not know that many people knew me that well. I am a small, close knit friend group kind of gal and was more focused on riding horses and getting out of there than anything else. I liked to fly under the radar.Johnny-Depp-How-Did-You-Know-Question-Gif
  5. My favorite subjects were the ones I had the best and most passionate teachers. I liked Texas and American History because, well, Texas. But also because those two were my BEST teachers. There is not really a subject that does not come up because I had at least one amazing teacher in every subject. I loved all of my art classes and even entered in some art contests when I was in middle school. I really loved taking photography and I wish I had taken some photography classes in college.
  6. I found writing difficult when I was in school because I felt like a square peg in a round hole world. Which really defines the majority of my growing up. I also can’t spell very well and transpose letters all the time. It is interesting to me now that I have a blog and enjoy the writing. When I get to typing, I find that it flows pretty easily here. I get to be myself and I like sharing my stories with you. Even the hard stuff. Stay square, kids, or round, whatever shape you may be.
  7. I played soccer growing up and for a couple years in high school. Defense, if you want to know. I stopped playing because it took too much time away from my horses. That is how I got into doing 4H. My mother said I could not be anti social and spend all my time at the farm. I am still friends with someone I met in 4H. We actually lived together our freshman year of college. In hindsight, that might not have been the best idea either of us had, but we are still friends. Water under the bridge.
  8. I sometimes dream about being a radio DJ or doing something in the music business so I can share what I am listening to with anyone who wants to listen and to be surrounded by it. Or to be a musician or singer. Like yesterday and today. I have had a crazy awesome mix of artists and songs playing. Usually, it helps keep me focused on my work. Today however, it is so good that the music is all I can think about and it just keeps coming! I almost can not function it is that good. Music is life, man.
  9. I am starting to teach myself how to play the guitar on a guitar my grandfather gave my mother. It is something I have always wanted to do. I also want to learn to play the piano. Really all the instruments, but we will start here.
  10. I am as passionate about food as I am music. I love to plan my meals. Make them an experience. The funny thing is that I used to be REALLY REALLY REALLY picky, but I still loved to cook things I did not like. I got tired of missing out and now I eat most things. Except sushi. I am out on that. And foods with strange textures.
  11. I want to travel the world for food and booze, music, and horses. I thought about studying abroad when I was in college, but I did not want to study while I was there. I just wanted to experience. I am going to France this summer and can not wait to eat good food and drink good wine, listen to great music, and ride all the horses. I want all of my future travel will be centered around riding.
  12. Tequila is my drink of choice.
  13. I also think I need to have one of those outfits to ride my dun fancy dancer.
  14. I have zero tattoos and only have my ears pierced. I did not get my ears pierced until I was in college. Now, I rarely am without earrings. They are my favorite accessory.
  15. My hair is curly and I never know how it is going to look from day to day. I just roll with what I get. When I was little, my mom’s cousin said, “man, her hair is just a party.” Rock on, man. There is a lot of music playing in my head on a day to day basis, so I am a party.
  16. I have a very strange obsession with ‘reality’ TV and Hallmark movies. Strange I know. I do not understand myself.
  17. I also have a strange fascination with mens 70’s fashion.
  18. I read terrible romance novels. I love them. Shhh. I even have a few on audio book so I can listen while I drive.
  19. I like to be creative and do crafts. Paint (especially pottery). Decorate. Popsicle sticks and Elmers. You name it.
  20. I love to fish. I could fish all day and not catch a thing I love it that much.
  21. I have two older sisters and a lot of cousins. We are all very close.
  22. I have been horse crazy since before I can remember. Horses make up the majority of my thoughts. I remember most every horse I come across. I do not have that talent of remembering when it comes to people.
  23. I do not mind eating out alone and do it quite often, but I prefer to have some company.
  24. I do not like to go shopping. It is just really not my thing. Especially with people who randomly walk around without a system. Hello, there needs to be a system! I don’t really even like grocery shopping. It takes me too long, I always have to ask where something is, and there is always a long check out. Every. Time. Without fail. No matter how hard I try.
  25. I have a very low attachment to my purse. I leave it places too often. This is not good.
  26. When the weather is nice, I sleep with my windows open so I can wake to the sound of the birds. I have been doing that since I was little.
  27. People tell me often that they think I am older than I am. I am OK with that.
  28. I ran into a car door once when I was a spastic kid and split my eyebrow open. I cried when I thought I was going to have to get stitches. Luckily, I did not need them.
  29. I got heat stroke once at the farm. I do not remember how old I was, but I remember everything else. It was awful. Drink water kids and stay in the shade.
  30. I wake up early. All the time. And have for a long time. No matter what time I go to bed, the latest I generally sleep is 7 AM. Usually I am up earlier than that.
  31. I blush at the drop of a hat. All the time. Turn the attention on me, I blush. Say something that is inappropriate in mixed company, I blush. Anything. It can be embarrassing. Part of my overly expressive face. I do not have to say what I am thinking or feeling, you can generally read it on my face.giphy (2)

Tell me, dear readers, something about you! Let us get to know each other better and share our stories. Or want to know more about me? Ask me! I always thought of myself as an open book, but I read somewhere that nobody really is, so let us turn the pages.

Name that lyric and song…

Walk in love!

The Path Of Least Resistance

On By AveryIn Faith, Life, Music, Uncategorized16 Comments

The sun is fierce this morning, y’all. It feels like it is going to be a hot one. But. I am not here to talk about the weather. Even if it might be easier to do.

My creative juices have not been flowing forth as of late if you have not been able to tell. In a funk, if you will. Again. Or still. It is what it is, but I do not have to like it.

It is also scary. Being vulnerable. This whole blog thing. Making it public…what was I thinking!? Woof.

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Someone once said I was brave for starting this blog and sharing my story. I do not feel very brave lately.

I meant to post this last night, but then I got self conscious about it and conveniently ran out of time. What about the other days since I last posted? Shh. I do not know.

I am just going to say it. Part of this funk leaves me feeling alone. There, I said it. It is true. There is more to it than that, like vocation, desires, future, faithfully waiting that all plays its roll in the bigger picture of the feeling. Blah, blah, blah.

But here is the thing.

There are times when I think it might be easier to not be me. Did a bomb just go off? Very brief, short times, but still very present. Easier to change what might be different about me and be like ‘everyone else.’ Be more accepted. Whatever all that means.

I might fit in more. Who cares? Did I ever care about that? I am not sure I really do.

Have more friends. Do I need more friends? I have never been one to have a huge group. Just my close, small group.

Maybe not be single? Eh. I would rather not be in a relationship than be in one where I could not be myself.

That I wouldn’t feel lost in this way. Is lost a strong word for this? I am not sure. No stronger than alone, I guess. No one else seems to be going through this. They are all out living their lives. Aren’t they? Is that not what the book of face and insta prove? Ha! I do not believe any of that for a second.

Not stuck in my head of circular thoughts, unable to still?

I have no way of knowing any of that, but I do not believe it would be easier. Indeed it would be harder. I tried to be someone I wasn’t once. It was terrible. It was in middle school. It sounds silly and trivial, I know, but it is true.

I had a very clear feeling that I was not like everyone else. I was too different. I was outside of the box. I felt like a round peg in a square hole. I liked different things, like going to the farm to ride. I did not care to break rules or do things we were not supposed to do. I was quiet. I related more to older people than kids my own age. I did not care to wear makeup or do my hair or wear nice clothes, much to my mother’s chagrin. I felt lost and I did not know why.

I told myself I was going to change. Be more square. Not talk about horses as much. Talk more. Make more friends. Look like someone I wasn’t. I do not know how long this lasted, but I do not think very long. I felt more lost than ever before. Like a stranger in my own skin. I suppose I made more ‘friends,’ but there were not real. I went back to being me because that was the only thing that felt right. It was easy and not hard.

I have been rather. Um. Restless as of late. Desiring a change and not knowing much more than that. Feeling an outside need for change, greater than my own desire. A greater and grander plan. I can’t see the path yet. I guess that is what seasons of waiting are to feel like. I do not know what it looks like or feels like. I am doing my best to seek Him and be faithful in my waiting. To grow and learn what He needs me to. To see and feel Him seeking me. To pray. Keeping knocking.

“Believe me, the choice that does not involve Him always ends up in a bad and downright disappointing place. It ends up in failure because it’s not the path we are meant to be on. It’s not the truth. Seek Him and you will find the truth.”
~Cory Morrow

Desiring a change in life, or rather, feeling the imminent change (and not knowing what it is) is different than changing who you are. Not being you. AHAmoment.

You were made a certain way for a reason. Divinely and uniquely made. Tailor-made. For a purpose. He has a plan and a path for that plan. The road and the gate are narrow, yet easy to follow when you keep your focus on Him. We like to make things complicated and difficult. Instead, keep it simple. His path is the path of least resistance.

Anyone still there??? Does any of this make sense? No?

Be yourself. Do not change what makes you, you.

Walk in love, dear readers.

Crisis?

On By AveryIn Faith, Horses, Life, Music10 Comments

I have never understood the whole quarter life or mid life crisis thing. Always was an odd concept to me. A conundrum. I jokingly throw around the term at times. I typically think of age as just a number. A number that many people use as an excuse or something to dread. Or view as a ticking time bomb or one of those daily flip calendars with a finite number of pages. The truth is, you are the age you feel you are. I have never really felt my age, even when I was little. Dare I say that I typically think of myself as an old soul. I read somewhere that one should never admit to that if you ever want to get married. Well, I just did. I suppose I am doomed now.

 

“Yeah there are different roads to happiness
I took a different path I guess
Came out on the others side just fine
The losing side of twenty five”

Turning twenty five was no big deal for me like everyone makes it out to be. Well, on second thought, maybe it was. I was either twenty four or five when I died my hair on a whim. Making the decision as I walked in the door of the salon. Pretty out of character for this planner. It was supposed to be redish and my parents freaked out like I had gone to the dark side and said it was purple. It wasn’t purple, at least not after it faded.

Twenty six was a big one. When I turned twenty six I felt like I was kicked on my bum out of the nest, falling on a large stick puncturing my wallet as I had to get my own health insurance policy. A puncture that just keeps getting bigger. Like some terrible kind of graduation gift that just keeps on giving. I called that a quarter life crisis to be funny, but honestly, I still do not know why it felt like such a big deal. Everyone has to do it. The hair dying was probably closer to a crisis, depending on who you ask. Some people may even call this blog, created almost a year ago, a quarter life crisis.

 

“My regrets are far and few between
and I can’t say that they’ve cost me a thing.
Except some money and a little bit of love,
But I’ll give that up.

If I can say that I am still my own
Without the rules that they forced upon.
At least since they day that I was had
because I can’t go back.”

At twenty eight, I sometimes feel like I am back where I was at twenty three, fresh out of undergrad, wondering why on earth I worked to graduate on time and give up my ability to ride every day. Still with an urge to dye my hair and blame it on a quarter life crisis just because. Just because I feel antsy. Questioning my life decisions and wondering. What is next? What am I supposed to be learning here?

I don’t think a season of life in transition, with God pushing me into rest, prayer, and waiting, can be considered a quarter life crisis. That is what I think most people do.

Here is the thing though. Everyone is in their own boat on the same sea. It is all a part of the journey. AHAmoment. The path. Individual and unique, just like you. The end destination is the same for everyone on different roads with different challenges. Might as well enjoy the ride! Look back at the end and marvel at what was experienced and accomplished instead of regrets or what went wrong. There will be many more seasons of transition to prepare you for what is next, often feeling like the waves going up and down the beach. One minute you think you are up and then the next you are back. The key is to stay the course. Just like working with a horse. One bad ride does not doom the next. Give them time to learn and figure it out. One mistake does not define a life. Mistakes do not exist if we learn from them. Be patient. Pray. Learn and grow. It is hard, yes, but in due time, His time, you will know what the next step is and when to take it. The next season will begin.

 

“When you are at war with yourself, you are bound to lose.”

So, no. No crisis. Never was and never will be. I am over here, happily in transition. Faithfully waiting. My current season of rest. Still. It does not come easy for me, but with His help, it will get easier. I will be prepared.

I’m not going to dye my hair, don’t worry. At least I don’t think so.

How I get to all of that from listening to one song is a wonder to me. Hello? Did I lose you? Anyone still there?

The good news is, the strangles scare was just that, a scare. I will still check each horse just in case while I am out tending to my Lito man. Speaking of Lito. He still seems to be recovering well and is enjoying his short workouts. Keeping sound with no added heat or swelling. Barring any schedule changes, we should be ready for his vet check by Wednesday or Thursday next week. Fingers crossed, dear readers.

Walk in love!