Desire

Desire. A thought for the day.

I have and have had many desires in my life as I am sure many of you have. I find the dynamic nature of desires interesting and intriguing. As we learn and grow in life, as we gain wisdom with age, our desires change with our change in perspective. One can learn a lot about themselves, and others, by deciphering where certain desires come from. AHAmoment.

According to Merriam-Webster, the word desire is defined as:

  • Transitive verb: to long or hope for; to express a wish for or to; and most interestingly, to feel the loss of
  • Noun: conscious impulse toward something that promises enjoyment or satisfaction in its attainment; longing; craving; formal request or petition for action; something longed or hoped for

To feel the loss of something. I found that interesting to be defined there in just that way. How can you long for something you never had? Can you feel the loss of something you never had? Can you really desire something you have never known? Is it really loss if you never actually had it to lose? I think so. That speaks to how powerful they are and how/why they drive us. I think that is part of what makes our true desires conscious.

What do you think?

I think the loss is very real. The relationship of the parent you never had. Or the child. Or the life. However, just like everything in life, there is a flip side to this coin. Not all loss is bad or negative. Loss can be good. It is, you know, part of the circle of life. Even this change averse gal can admit that. The feeling of loss is powerful in a good way when you no longer desire something that is harmful to you, for instance. Whether it is a person or a group of people or a thing or an idea. Does not matter.

I guess it is all of a piece. Maybe they are the same. The negative feeling of loss of something at first and then you grow and your perspective changes, making the loss positive in light of your changed desires.

I feel like I am quickly going down a hole into accounting.

I will confess that I have desires that I will not speak out loud, for fear of anyone experiencing the loss with me. I guess what it really boils down to is the shame that fear is creating.

I used to have a desire to be a famous horseman that other people looked to. Now, all I want to be famous from each of my horses’ perspectives. To be the best I can be for them. To be a real horseman. My perspective changed. That is something they have taught me through the grace of God.

I used to think I had it all figured out. I had a plan for my career and life. I desired certain things and I felt like I knew how to make them happen. Now, I feel like those desires are slipping away and I am discovering that I am letting them go. Has my perspective changed? I think it is changing. I am not there yet. New desires are not quite there yet. Do I feel loss? I do not know. I think in the beginning I did. Sometimes I feel lost and alone.

Does any of that make sense? Do you ever feel the same? What are your desires?

Far too much introspection for a Friday.

They are predicting rain all weekend, so here is hoping I get some ride time in. I can not complain though since the weather has been absolutely amazing.

Walk in love, dear readers, and have a great weekend. I am walking in faith trying to figure out the desires of my heart in my true self.

Too much? Oh well.

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On That Note

Yesterday we talked about being gracious to combat negativity. Spreading love like honey, so to speak. What does gracious mean to you?

Gracious literally (by literally I mean a quick google search and not flipping through Webster’s) means, “courteous, kind, and pleasant; showing divine grace.” What does that make you think of?

I was thinking about that question yesterday when I posted it. Of what thoughts, feelings, images it conjured. Gratitude was one of the words that came up: “the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.” AHAmoment.

That is an interesting thought to me. Another full circle concept. Chicken or the egg. Whichever you like. The two almost seem to meld together where you do not know where one starts and the other begins. The same thing is thought of great riders when working with a horse, but that is another story for anther day.

Stir that around in your pot of thoughts. Funny thing is, this showed up on my radar today…

(Thanks to UMNCSH on YouTube for the vid)

Coincidence? I think not! The main source of joy.

Walk in love, dear readers!

Trail riding with friends on Saturday!

P.S. Here is some more because I can not get enough…and because she is one of my all time favorites.

(Thanks to OWN on YouTube for the vid)

Replay

Yesterday evening I found myself thinking a lot about my Uncle.

It started while watching a TV show and he just came to me. I will admit, it was not a happy thought.

Recently, his memory will come and it will go. That statement makes it sound fleeting, but it is far from that. I mean comes and goes throughout the day. There is rarely a day that goes by where I do not spend time thinking about it. Sometimes short moments far a part. Sometimes longer ones closer together. The past couple of weeks have been pretty good for me as the thoughts and memories have generally been happy ones instead of haunting ones.

Like last weekend when I made this chocolate cake with a raspberry cream cheese icing for my Grandmother’s (on the other side of the family) birthday. I unnamedalways think of him when I bake. I love to bake, as I am sure you have noticed by now. Typically I will bring a baked something to all our family gatherings. Uncle B would always tell me how he looked forward to whatever dessert I chose to bring and was my main source for honest feedback on my desserts. Really, honest feedback and advice on way more than just cake. I really miss that. I can just see his face now.

Anyway, I digress. Last night while watching TV, in reaction to something I saw or heard I guess, I quickly got sad and began to replay in my mind everything that had happened. It is crazy how that feeling can envelope you in an instant. I stopped myself from going too far down that road (yay me for controlling my focus!), but I could not quite shake the feeling.

After texting with my Cousin before bed later that night about other things, she brought it up. I decided to send my Aunt a quick text to remind her that I love her.

I think it is time for us all to come back together.

Walk in love, dear readers.