“Today is a new day. You will get out of it just what you put into it . . . if you make mistakes . . . there is always another chance for you . . . for this thing that we call “failure” is not the falling down, but the staying down.”
I have never understood the whole quarter life or mid life crisis thing. Always was an odd concept to me. A conundrum. I jokingly throw around the term at times. I typically think of age as just a number. A number that many people use as an excuse or something to dread. Or view as a ticking time bomb or one of those daily flip calendars with a finite number of pages. The truth is, you are the age you feel you are. I have never really felt my age, even when I was little. Dare I say that I typically think of myself as an old soul. I read somewhere that one should never admit to that if you ever want to get married. Well, I just did. I suppose I am doomed now.
“Yeah there are different roads to happiness
I took a different path I guess
Came out on the others side just fine
The losing side of twenty five”
Turning twenty five was no big deal for me like everyone makes it out to be. Well, on second thought, maybe it was. I was either twenty four or five when I died my hair on a whim. Making the decision as I walked in the door of the salon. Pretty out of character for this planner. It was supposed to be redish and my parents freaked out like I had gone to the dark side and said it was purple. It wasn’t purple, at least not after it faded.
Twenty six was a big one. When I turned twenty six I felt like I was kicked on my bum out of the nest, falling on a large stick puncturing my wallet as I had to get my own health insurance policy. A puncture that just keeps getting bigger. Like some terrible kind of graduation gift that just keeps on giving. I called that a quarter life crisis to be funny, but honestly, I still do not know why it felt like such a big deal. Everyone has to do it. The hair dying was probably closer to a crisis, depending on who you ask. Some people may even call this blog, created almost a year ago, a quarter life crisis.
“My regrets are far and few between
and I can’t say that they’ve cost me a thing.
Except some money and a little bit of love,
But I’ll give that up.
If I can say that I am still my own
Without the rules that they forced upon.
At least since they day that I was had
because I can’t go back.”
At twenty eight, I sometimes feel like I am back where I was at twenty three, fresh out of undergrad, wondering why on earth I worked to graduate on time and give up my ability to ride every day. Still with an urge to dye my hair and blame it on a quarter life crisis just because. Just because I feel antsy. Questioning my life decisions and wondering. What is next? What am I supposed to be learning here?
I don’t think a season of life in transition, with God pushing me into rest, prayer, and waiting, can be considered a quarter life crisis. That is what I think most people do.
Here is the thing though. Everyone is in their own boat on the same sea. It is all a part of the journey. AHAmoment. The path. Individual and unique, just like you. The end destination is the same for everyone on different roads with different challenges. Might as well enjoy the ride! Look back at the end and marvel at what was experienced and accomplished instead of regrets or what went wrong. There will be many more seasons of transition to prepare you for what is next, often feeling like the waves going up and down the beach. One minute you think you are up and then the next you are back. The key is to stay the course. Just like working with a horse. One bad ride does not doom the next. Give them time to learn and figure it out. One mistake does not define a life. Mistakes do not exist if we learn from them. Be patient. Pray. Learn and grow. It is hard, yes, but in due time, His time, you will know what the next step is and when to take it. The next season will begin.
“When you are at war with yourself, you are bound to lose.”
So, no. No crisis. Never was and never will be. I am over here, happily in transition. Faithfully waiting. My current season of rest. Still. It does not come easy for me, but with His help, it will get easier. I will be prepared.
I’m not going to dye my hair, don’t worry. At least I don’t think so.
How I get to all of that from listening to one song is a wonder to me. Hello? Did I lose you? Anyone still there?
The good news is, the strangles scare was just that, a scare. I will still check each horse just in case while I am out tending to my Lito man. Speaking of Lito. He still seems to be recovering well and is enjoying his short workouts. Keeping sound with no added heat or swelling. Barring any schedule changes, we should be ready for his vet check by Wednesday or Thursday next week. Fingers crossed, dear readers.
Sir Winston Churchill (thanks, Anne, for the inspiration today) sure seemed to know a thing or two about horses. Like really knew them. What was it that he is always quoted for saying? Yes, you remember the ones. Even if you are not a horse person, you know them.
“There is something about the outside of a horse that is good for the inside of a man.”
“When you are on a great horse, you have the best seat you will ever have.”
“No hour of life is wasted that is spent in the saddle.”
Those three statements are fact to me. If we let them, they will show us what is inside of us. Who we really are. It is my belief that God made them this way for a reason and why the horse plays such a big part in our ‘success.’ I know I am weird and probably sound like a broken record at this point if anyone is still reading, but I dare you to prove me wrong. It is really no wonder that it was the horse that helped us come so far as a civilization.
Some people like to be on a mountain top or on a beach, but put me atop my horse, and there is no better place to be. The view is unlike any other you will see between those two ears. The air you breathe is fresher. It awakens your soul, that horse smell. That combination of grass, sweat, and dirt. I do not think I have met anyone who does not like it. The wind feels different. I feel free, like I could fly. To be honest, sometimes it feels like I do. I feel strong while at the same time, all I have to do is ask with the slightest touch or movement to have my horse move.
I have learned a lot about life from the horse. They have taught me to be humble and confident at the same time.
That it takes more than luck and talent. Luck will only get you so far. It takes faith and hard work. Hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard. It takes learning and growing from your mistakes. To continue to strive and quest.
They have taught me to trust. To let go, have faith, and trust. You can not micro manage them. You have to ask them and let them learn and do their job. To see things from their point of view. They are honorable and honest, commanding respect.
They will make you work for it because they are worthy of it.
The horse has taught me to be more like him. AHAmoment.
Walk in love, dear readers, and have a great weekend!
The quiet times in the morning are my favorite. I like to have my time in the morning to sit and drink my coffee. To wake up. To be quiet. Reflect. Listen and think. It is my time.
This morning, my early morning wake up call was accompanied by distant rolling thunder. After a quick cuddle with my Darcy dog, adimitedly considering catching a quick five minutes more to listen to the thunder in bed, I crawled out and suited up for the day.
I left as the sun was rising and the rain began to fall. The drive downtown was pleasant and not too terribly crazy. I imagine, full of many people like me, who like to be early.
I got to the booth at the conference before everyone else. I filled the flyer and business card holders, replenished the candy bowl, and went in search of coffee with hopes of not spilling it on myself today. I wore a white shirt again.
When I got back to the booth, some others from my company were sitting at the booth. I sat down, happily drinking coffee (haven’t spilled yet!), listening to their conversation, and watching the other attendees slowly come in.
It got me thinking just now about a time when I was up early reading for grad school while my Darcy, a puppy at the time, sat in her bed by the Christmas tree and fire place. I snapped a quick photo of her and sent it to a friend. She replied, “never lose sight of times that are simply perfect.” AHAmoment.
This feels like one of those times to me. I have a great job with great people. This week has been crazy busy both with work and socially. I have been able to catch up with old friends. I get to see and hopefully ride my horses this weekend. I get to celebrate a dear friend’s birthday on Saturday. I have Monday off!
You may say that perfect does not exist in this world. However, the Lord made it. It is all a part of His plan. He does not make mistakes. We do, but the point is to learn from them. To grow closer to Him through it.
Sometimes I wish I had more and different things to share with y’all. More interesting. More insightful or earth shattering. However, this is not so bad to me.