The Path Of Least Resistance

The sun is fierce this morning, y’all. It feels like it is going to be a hot one. But. I am not here to talk about the weather. Even if it might be easier to do.

My creative juices have not been flowing forth as of late if you have not been able to tell. In a funk, if you will. Again. Or still. It is what it is, but I do not have to like it.

It is also scary. Being vulnerable. This whole blog thing. Making it public…what was I thinking!? Woof.

bBTn_h

Someone once said I was brave for starting this blog and sharing my story. I do not feel very brave lately.

I meant to post this last night, but then I got self conscious about it and conveniently ran out of time. What about the other days since I last posted? Shh. I do not know.

I am just going to say it. Part of this funk leaves me feeling alone. There, I said it. It is true. There is more to it than that, like vocation, desires, future, faithfully waiting that all plays its roll in the bigger picture of the feeling. Blah, blah, blah.

But here is the thing.

There are times when I think it might be easier to not be me. Did a bomb just go off? Very brief, short times, but still very present. Easier to change what might be different about me and be like ‘everyone else.’ Be more accepted. Whatever all that means.

I might fit in more. Who cares? Did I ever care about that? I am not sure I really do.

Have more friends. Do I need more friends? I have never been one to have a huge group. Just my close, small group.

Maybe not be single? Eh. I would rather not be in a relationship than be in one where I could not be myself.

That I wouldn’t feel lost in this way. Is lost a strong word for this? I am not sure. No stronger than alone, I guess. No one else seems to be going through this. They are all out living their lives. Aren’t they? Is that not what the book of face and insta prove? Ha! I do not believe any of that for a second.

Not stuck in my head of circular thoughts, unable to still.

I have no way of knowing any of that, but I do not believe it would be easier. Indeed it would be harder. I tried not to be someone I wasn’t once. It was terrible. It was in middle school. It sounds silly, I know, but it is true.

I had a very clear feeling that I was not like everyone else. I was too different. I was outside of the box. I felt like a round peg in a square hole. I liked different things, like going to the farm to ride. I did not care to break rules or do things we were not supposed to do. I was quiet. I related more to older people than kids my own age. I did not care to wear makeup or do my hair or wear nice clothes, much to my mother’s chagrin. I felt lost and I did not know why.

I told myself I was going to change. Be more square. Not talk about horses as much. Talk more. Make more friends. Look like someone I wasn’t. I do not know how long this lasted, but I do not think very long. I felt more lost than ever before. Like a stranger in my own skin. I suppose I made more ‘friends,’ but there were not real. I went back to being me because that was the only thing that felt right. It was easy and not hard.

I have been rather. Um. Restless as of late. Desiring a change and not knowing much more than that. Feeling an outside need for change, greater than my own desire. A greater and grander plan. I can’t see the path yet. I guess that is what seasons of waiting are to feel like. I do not know what it looks like or feels like. I am doing my best to seek Him and be faithful in my waiting. To grow and learn what He needs me to. To see and feel Him seeking me. To pray. Keeping knocking.


“Believe me, the choice that does not involve Him always ends up in a bad and downright disappointing place. It ends up in failure because it’s not the path we are meant to be on. It’s not the truth. Seek Him and you will find the truth.”
~Cory Morrow

Desiring a change in life, or rather, feeling the imminent change (and not knowing what it is) is different than changing who you are. Not being you. AHAmoment.

You were made a certain way for a reason. Divinely and uniquely made. Tailor-made. For a purpose. He has a plan and a path for that plan. The road and the gate are narrow, yet easy to follow when you keep your focus on him. We like to make things complicated and difficult. Keep it simple. His path is the path of least resistance.

Anyone still there??? Does any of this make sense? No?

Be yourself. Do not change what makes you, you.

Walk in love, dear readers.

Texas.

I do not like to talk about politics and I am certainly not going to do that here. That is not what this is for. Do not you worry.

I will say this. I am proud.

Proud to be a Texan.

Proud to be an American.



I can not speak for people from other states or countries, but Texans seem to be born proud. It is in our blood and we take it pretty seriously. You do not have to be born here to get it in your blood either, but I have also come across some people in my life that just do not quite seem to understand it.

Sometimes, I can’t quite explain it either. It is somewhat of a mystical thing and has a sort of magnetic pull, something that just wells up inside and grows throughout your life. It is certainly a special place. A place unlike any other. Not the South. Not the West. Uniquely its own. Naturally there are songs written about it. You did not think I would skip that, did you? We will get to that in a minute. 

The 4th of July always makes me reflect on this. I feel blessed and grateful to live in this country. To do the things I love to do. To be my independent self. To be able to see the light every day. Prouder still, to be a Texan. It is part of who I am. So. This weekend I celebrated with my family doing what I love because I can. I am free to do so. That is what being an American and being a Texan means to me.

I went to the country. I had quality time with my family. I rode my horses by myself. 





I rode my best mare with my Nephew behind me, holding on, while my sister rode Ike with my Niece wrapped in her arms in front of her. One in front of the other and side by side. I baked. 

We ate. We drank. We splashed in the baby pool in the yard. We played with dogs. I went fishing with BIL B, his brother, and my Nephew. Which, by the way, is my second most favorite thing to do next to riding. I not only fished, but I caught. I even got to fish with my rod that BIL B made for me because he brought it just in case I wanted to go with them. 








I napped. I read. I lost count of how many times we watched Tangled and Frozen during the heat of the day.

People, it would seem, are so terribly divided as of late. I wonder where the pride went. Are they not grateful to be able to see the light everyday? To be able to do what they love? Is it not part of who they are? Where is the love? Love of country? Love of people? Love of themselves? Why focus on the hate when you have a choice? 

Focus on the light and love. It is a choice.

Spread the love by walking in love, dear readers. Lead with love!

 https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=y1UfLik6Tuw

Tune Tuesday

Ezekiel’s Wheel.

Mike McClure is one of my favorites, so that is reason enough to share, yes? That and this song keeps coming up, probably for a reason.

“Everything that I have been through
stands here in my shoes.
Every knock down, drag out
Every broken bone and bruise.
Every time I bet it all
convinced I wouldn’t lose,
knee deep in the powder
trying to light my own fuse.

No there a’int nothing new
under the sun.
Ya, one story ends
and anther has begun.
Ezekiel’s Wheel
is still spinnin’ around.
All that we have lost,
some day will be found.

Everything I once thought
has flown out of my mind
and everything I outran
has now left me far behind.
Every road it just keeps rollin’
ya, they twist and turn and wind.
I don’t know if it’s an accident
or by some grand design.

But there a’int nothing new
under the sun.
Ya, one story ends
and anther has begun.
Ezekiel’s Wheel
is still spinnin’ around.
All that we have lost,
some day will be found.

Well the tides have all turned inward
and the rocks are washed with waves.
There is a broken bottle on the beach,
but the note has blown away.
It was prolly just a riddle
written down in rhyme.
A little more of the same old,
one more time.

No there a’int nothing new
under the sun.
One story ends
and anther has begun.
Ezekiel’s Wheel
is still spinnin’ around.
All that we have lost,
some day will be found.”

One thing I do know, nothing is accident. It is a grand, divine design. It will all come full circle in time.

I will admit, that this is a Bible story I did not know until I heard the song. Hearing the song intrigued me and I looked it up. Any of you know much about it? Do share! I would love to hear your thoughts. There are plenty of thoughts out there around this story.

Walk in love, dear readers!

Monday…

…just like any other Monday?

Wrong. It is one that was not promised. I bet that changed your Monday blues.

Make the most of it, dear readers, and make it a great one.

Dare I say, make it a marvelous Monday!

Shine your light and spread the love! Get all hippie-dippie. Go on. You know you want to.

I had a lovely, restorative weekend at the farm (I even took a nap! Gasp, I know), capped by an amazing dinner with family last night. Seriously, that meal. Fresh caught red fish on the half shell topped with hollandaise and fresh crab meat served with green chili rice and green beans. We ate like kings. However, the meal was nothing compared to quality time spent with my niece and nephew. Love those little people!







I hope everyone had a great weekend and is getting their week off to a great start.

I for one am glad to be back in the swing. Bring it on! I have missed y’all!

Enjoy this piece by Ben Haggard.

What did you do this weekend?

Walk in love.

Day By Day

No worries, if you were. Still chugging along over here!

Excuse me, are we finished with this yet?

Just trying to catch up on life, day by day. An odd thought if you ask me, when you really think about it. Catching up on life. Sometimes, stuff just adds up in life and there is not much time left to do anything but get what rest you can and wake up in the morning and do it again. AHAmoment. Tackle the day you have when you get it, and get done what needs to get done. No more, no less. Just like riding the horse you have that day. Sometimes, the basic needs are all that gets accomplished, and that is more than OK! One step at a time. Just let go and let Him because He is our strength. With Him and trough Him, all will get done, in His time! And it will be beautiful.


Working, injured horse, equine health scare, hours and miles in the car, moving, mom’s knee surgery, broken cars, change, and a whole lot of other every day life stuff has kinda added up over the last month and my conversations with y’all have suffered. For that, I am sorry. But, we are no worse for wear and hopefully slowing down a little! It is easier to remember to breathe when there are not so many things going on, but just like H said, slow down and take a breath and then take a step. If I would have remembered that, maybe I would not have had that diesel incident!…or lack there of, as it were.

I do not have much to report and that is OK. This too shall change, of that I am sure.

I do have a couple good news updates and many things to celebrate.

We finished Lito’s rehab/physical therapy exercise regimen yesterday with complete soundness and the vet came out to check him. He was cleared to be on full turnout again and to slowly return to full work! Relieved is what I think I feel, but it is a slow release. One day, one step, one breath at a time! I will ride the horse I have that day and we will get back to where we were! I am celebrating this!

 

Does this mean we can’t go to the farm every day anymore?

Also, I am finally and officially moved into my townhouse. Let us not discuss how long that took me. Way too long, but that does not matter. What matters is that Darcy and I are there and we love it. It feels good and we have already met a neighbor! I have a few things left I need to tend to, but we are 90% there.

Anyway, that is where we are.

I will leave you with this, my final thought. Brought to you by Owen Temple. Make it a beautiful life. You do only get one. We are surrounded by beauty and light if we allow ourselves to see it!


“Not gonna give up, not gonna give in
Making a life, not just a living”


Like seeing my horses basically every day for the past several weeks. Darcy. The green grass and trees. The blue sky and clouds. The breeze that kept us cooler. The sound of hoof beats on our dirt road. Lito’s attitude and heart, golden rod coat, Beatles-like mane, and cute pricked ears. Like finally having my own place again. Like my cousin marrying the woman of his dreams and being with my family. Celebrating Father’s Day with my dad!

Wedding fun with mom and sisters.

 

The best Pops.





Walk in love, dear readers! Until next time. Very soon.

Crisis?

I have never understood the whole quarter life or mid life crisis thing. Always was an odd concept to me. A conundrum. I jokingly throw around the term at times. I typically think of age as just a number. A number that many people use as an excuse or something to dread. Or view as a ticking time bomb or one of those daily flip calendars with a finite number of pages. The truth is, you are the age you feel you are. I have never really felt my age, even when I was little. Dare I say that I typically think of myself as an old soul. I read somewhere that one should never admit to that if you ever want to get married. Well, I just did. I suppose I am doomed now.

 


“Yeah there are different roads to happiness
I took a different path I guess
Came out on the others side just fine
The losing side of twenty five”


Turning twenty five was no big deal for me like everyone makes it out to be. Well, on second thought, maybe it was. I was either twenty four or five when I died my hair on a whim. Making the decision as I walked in the door of the salon. Pretty out of character for this planner. It was supposed to be redish and my parents freaked out like I had gone to the dark side and said it was purple. It wasn’t purple, at least not after it faded.

Twenty six was a big one. When I turned twenty six I felt like I was kicked on my bum out of the nest, falling on a large stick puncturing my wallet as I had to get my own health insurance policy. A puncture that just keeps getting bigger. Like some terrible kind of graduation gift that just keeps on giving. I called that a quarter life crisis to be funny, but honestly, I still do not know why it felt like such a big deal. Everyone has to do it. The hair dying was probably closer to a crisis, depending on who you ask. Some people may even call this blog, created almost a year ago, a quarter life crisis.

 


“My regrets are far and few between
and I can’t say that they’ve cost me a thing.
Except some money and a little bit of love,
But I’ll give that up.

If I can say that I am still my own
Without the rules that they forced upon.
At least since they day that I was had
because I can’t go back.”


At twenty eight, I sometimes feel like I am back where I was at twenty three, fresh out of undergrad, wondering why on earth I worked to graduate on time and give up my ability to ride every day. Still with an urge to dye my hair and blame it on a quarter life crisis just because. Just because I feel antsy. Questioning my life decisions and wondering. What is next? What am I supposed to be learning here?

I don’t think a season of life in transition, with God pushing me into rest, prayer, and waiting, can be considered a quarter life crisis. That is what I think most people do.

Here is the thing though. Everyone is in their own boat on the same sea. It is all a part of the journey. AHAmoment. The path. Individual and unique, just like you. The end destination is the same for everyone on different roads with different challenges. Might as well enjoy the ride! Look back at the end and marvel at what was experienced and accomplished instead of regrets or what went wrong. There will be many more seasons of transition to prepare you for what is next, often feeling like the waves going up and down the beach. One minute you think you are up and then the next you are back. The key is to stay the course. Just like working with a horse. One bad ride does not doom the next. Give them time to learn and figure it out. One mistake does not define a life. Mistakes do not exist if we learn from them. Be patient. Pray. Learn and grow. It is hard, yes, but in due time, His time, you will know what the next step is and when to take it. The next season will begin.

 


“When you are at war with yourself, you are bound to lose.”


So, no. No crisis. Never was and never will be. I am over here, happily in transition. Faithfully waiting. My current season of rest. Still. It does not come easy for me, but with His help, it will get easier. I will be prepared.

I’m not going to dye my hair, don’t worry. At least I don’t think so.

How I get to all of that from listening to one song is a wonder to me. Hello? Did I lose you? Anyone still there?

The good news is, the strangles scare was just that, a scare. I will still check each horse just in case while I am out tending to my Lito man. Speaking of Lito. He still seems to be recovering well and is enjoying his short workouts. Keeping sound with no added heat or swelling. Barring any schedule changes, we should be ready for his vet check by Wednesday or Thursday next week. Fingers crossed, dear readers.

Walk in love!

Restless

The natives. They are getting restless.

Really, just me. Lito seems to be handling things pretty alright. Bless him.

Now that he has had his precious rest, it is time to slowly and gradually get him into some light work. To slowly stretch his tendon and see how it responds. Then, once we have finished the regimen and he has not turned up lame, the vet will come out and re image his leg. Cheers to another couple of weeks!

TyrionLannistercheers

Apologies for the snarky attitude. Kinda.

I  have counted out the workouts and have a plan. Here is hoping the weather does not get too much in our way, but we do need the rain. We have gotten some, so that is good.

This second week of rest has been fine. I guess. This short work week kinda threw me a curve ball. Hence why you have not heard from me. If you were wondering. If not, well then, oh well. It went by too quickly and now it is Friday. Not quite sure how, but here it is! AND it is June! Let us not discuss that.

Y’all feeling the same way? I hope? No? Sigh.

Anyway, my anxiety has been up in my throat the past couple of days. Hence, the restless. Mostly because I hate this situation for Lito. For us. And it just feels like there are too many balls up in the air that I am juggling. Which is another reason I have fallen silent. It felt too hard to share and explain. That it would not be understood. That I would not be understood. But this is life.

I would like to be moved into my new place. I have not even been there since Monday when I first started unpacking. One of these days…Which, I guess moving is really the only new player. I have so much laundry to do between clothes and my sheets and towels that have been in storage for a year. I feel like every time I turn around there is a new pile haunting me! I just want to be able to play some music and cook a meal in my townhouse. I also need an oil change. Well, my car needs one and a good bath. It is so dirty. That makes me think about this song by Wade Bowen.

My windshield literally got a rock chip last week driving in from the farm. I feel a little like my engine is running rough. Me and my car!

However, I am never one to complain about the coming of the weekend! This weekend, I am loading up my Cheetah girl and headed to a friend’s place for a girls riding weekend. A much needed respite. For the both of us.

I just wanted go drop a line and give y’all an update. I have not fallen off the face of the earth or anything. Just feel maxed out. Here is hoping that it passes as quickly as this past week!

This next week is already pretty booked up with only one free evening. I might be spending my lunch hours moving!

Send reinforcements!

It is all good though. These are not problems and I have nothing to complain about! At most these are challenges to be conquered and I will do just that. It might be hard to see the light and be positive when I am getting tired and feeling strung out, but that is the only thing to do. I am going to put the “hammer down” and get it done.

Interestingly enough, my anxiety has already throttled off a bit while writing this post. One of the things I am learning to love about blogging. Do any of you ever feel this way?

Thanks for letting me…spew. That is what it feels like.

Walk in love, dear readers.

 

Love Rescues

I mean, just take me to church. I will let the lyrics speak for themselves. Your AHAmoment for the day brought to you by Zac Wilkerson. Thanks to Zac Wilkerson – Topic on YouTube for the vid.

“When I’m in the valley when my body’s weak
When life’s chains are shackled upon my feet
I will fear no evil death has lost its sting
Love falls all around me
Love rescues me

Hallelujah Hallelujah
Love falls all around me
Love rescues me

I was a wounded beggar I was an orphaned son
I was a weary wanderer so far from home
I was filthy garment I was a leprous man
But I fell into love’s water
Now I’m clean again

Hallelujah Hallelujah
I fell into loves water
Now I’m clean again

And when my life is over and I toil no more
And I stand on the banks of love’s golden shore
I’m gonna cross that river and I will run for home
And love will run to meet me and call me his own

Hallelujah Hallelujah
Love runs to meet me
Calls me his own”
~Zac Wilkerson

Dear readers, your faith is your own. It is personal and intimate. Don’t let another person tell you how it ‘should’ be. I had a great phone call with a dear friend of mine. We met our freshman year in college and she now lives across the country. I have not talked to her in a long time. We talked about everything under the sun. Our conversation meandered to her finding a church to meet some new people now that she is newly single. Music is a very big part of both of our personal relationships with our Lord. When I first heard this song not that long ago, I about fell over. I proceeded to listen to it on repeat and send it to my whole family. He speaks to each of us in different ways. Make it personal and make it your own. God is love!

Middle sister K and husband T are coming into town this weekend! We are celebrating her birthday along with my Niece’s 2nd birthday on Saturday. Of course, Mother’s Day on Sunday!

Still trying to get back into everyday reality this week.

In other news, I am moving at the end of the month! More on that later.

Have a great one! Walk in love, dear readers.

Hurry Up & Wait.

This morning I woke up early to finish packing and load everything that did not need to be cold in my car. I even woke up before my alarm. Darcy was picking up on the energy and seemed to know that this weekend is not going to be the average weekend. She was bright eyed and bushy tailed, ready to go the minute I opened my eyes. She stuck by all morning, as if to remind me not to leave her. It was extremely hard to leave her to go to work!

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Right now, during my lunch break…after I finish writing this post, I am going to a local Mexican bakery (my favorite!!!) for some pan dulce for our breakfasts. After work, I am packing up the cold groceries and my sidekick Darcy girl and heading to the farm. One step closer to leaving Friday morning and pulling out. Cross your fingers Lito still has all four shoes on. Last night I made some chicken enchiladas to have for a couple of our dinners. One less thing to take away from fun time! Ain’t nobody got time to cook (or clean dishes!) when we have a girls weekend dedicated to horses!

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Last weekend I got most all of my horse stuff loaded and packed in the trailer. I have all of R’s horse stuff in my car, ready to load in the trailer, along with all of my personal things. I will be doing that while I try not to die waiting for patiently wait her arrival with Ronan (I had gif conversations with R all morning!). Hurry up and wait. Ugh. I have patience, I promise. I am so ready for this and am super excited to put some serious miles in on Lito. I tried to do this last year with him, but then the river flooded, twice.

NWFDC1q

The plan is to leave around 7:30 or 8 AM on Friday to avoid hitting traffic on our way and arrive around lunch time. We will get the horses unloaded and settled, get our stuff inside, and eat a quick lunch before tacking up and riding out for the afternoon. Then ride all morning and all afternoon. Rinse, repeat! There will be some drinking, eating, music, swimming, pit fires, watching of Kentucky Derby, and maybe some sleeping. We will have all day Saturday and all day Sunday before leaving Monday morning. Both R and I have somewhere to be by 5PM on Monday.

This sums up how I have been all week on the inside…and maybe on the outside:

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Sorry for the excessive gif usage, please don’t leave me! …tap, tap…? Anyone still there???

More from Midnight River Choir to get me through the work day. Thanks to Texas Music Scene for posting the vid on their YouTube. Enjoy!

I will update on the weekend when I can!

Walk in love, dear readers!

 

Smile

“There ain’t nothing that can’t be fixed with a smile”

Smile.

Don’t worry.

Don’t hurry.

Embrace the love.

You were lost, but now you’re found.

We aren’t here for very long. Make your peace. Make it beautiful.

Smile.

Truth, isn’t it. Today got me thinking how important and effective smiles are. Then this song came on and I had to share. I am listening to it again right now as it rains outside. Have you ever noticed how light you feel or how the being you are with seems lighter when you smile? Do it right now if you never have noticed. Whether just in our everyday lives doing everyday things or working with horses, smile. It’s hard to get tense or angry when you are smiling. I heard a trainer once say that when you are in a tough spot with a horse, just smile. Take a breath and smile. It will help you relax and not react. Makes you become less of the issue in the equation. You are better able to work through the tough. Dang if it isn’t true.

Your AHAmoment for today brought to you by Midnight River Choir. Check them out. Thanks to Music Fog on YouTube for the vid.

Walk in love, dear readers!

Details on my upcoming Hill Country adventure tomorrow!