Storms.

I have always been fascinated with storms. Whenever it rains, I practically run to a window to watch, like I have never seen rain before. Or open a door to experience it. Odd for a person born and raised in a place that typically gets plenty, don’t you think? I never realized I did this until we were in the worst of the drought and, now, trying to come out of it. Fingers crossed.

I really love the feel and smell of the rain. You know how you can smell it? Especially in West Texas where you can watch the storm approaching for miles before it even gets to you. I used to love to sit in a chair at the barn, listen to the horses eat hay, and watch the storms roll in. You can smell it coming when you see the clouds and you can smell it when it starts to rain. Hard to explain, but in explaining this to someone once, I learned a new word. Petrichor. Defined in the Oxford English Dictionary as “a pleasant, distinctive smell frequently accompanying the first rain after a long period of warm, dry weather in certain regions” or as “the earthy scent produced when rain falls on dry soil,” apparently coined by two Australian researchers. Have you ever smelled that before?

I also love the power in storms. It makes me feel small in this world. Feel the presence of things that are greater than I. Be a witness the change throughout and after. I always marvel at the electricity within storms, but electricity can be a crazy thing. Why, you ask? It just is, but let me tell you why, exactly. I experienced something I have never seen before in my life.

So. R came out to the farm Saturday afternoon with Ronan for a girls and horses sleepover. A new friend, J, and her horse Pepper came out as well. There were some big, fast moving storms developing throughout the afternoon and evening that we were going to have to avoid, but so long as we could ride Sunday, which looked pretty good, no one cared.

R and Ronan were able to get unloaded and settled before the storm got too bad. We ran inside to dry off and to wait for it to pass. When the rain stopped, we decided to go check on the horses. I was thinking about how I hoped J was not caught hauling in another big storm cell when the craziest thing happened.

We heard and felt it before we even saw it. The electricity. The snaps and pops. Our hair stood up on our arms. I swear our heart beats were altered. Then the sky quite literally lit up, covered in inter-fingering lighting bolts, all interconnected, right in front of our eyes. Immediately came the crack of thunder before we could even react. I practically dropped to the ground! It still boggles my mind! R and I stood there in awe for what felt like several minutes, not knowing quite what to make of it. We looked at each other and both asked the other, “DID YOU FEEL THAT?!”

Luckily, J and Pepper arrived safe and sound with zero similar experiences. When Pepper was settled, we had Mexican for dinner in town and Sunday morning greeted us in wonderful, beautiful glory. The calm change after the storm. The air was slightly cooler and drier. The sky was blue and and grass was green. The horses were great and we were all so relaxed. After we rode around the farm for a while, we stopped for a quick popsicle break (because, hello, why not) and decided to head down the road for a bit. Since the horses were all behaving well, and figured with it being Sunday traffic would be light, it would be the perfect time to have Lito’s first ride down the road. I am happy to report that he did very well! We had a couple respectful drivers pass us and he did much better than I expected. Cars are not his favorite thing. I am very proud of him and am excited about all of our adventures yet to come, so long as they do not include crazy, electric lighting.



Some shots from Friday night and Saturday because why not? God’s beauty should be shared!














I have some other exciting news to report.

T minus 5 five days before I am well on my way to the mountains for a five day vacation. Big news, I know, and I know you are jealous. At least everyone down here in the hot humid sauna. I can’t really complain though because we really have had a mild summer so far.

I will always be a Texas gal, but the mountains definitely hold a special place in my heart. They are so grand and remind me, similar to storms, how small I am. God’s presence is always big in the mountains. Especially in the summers. I have only been skiing once in my live. That was pretty cool, but it was many years ago. I think I prefer the summers. I reportedly always did if you ask my father. The cool air and warm sun. Green grass and wildflowers backed by Aspen trees. Hiking. Biking. FLY FISHING! Live music. Porch sitting/drinking/talking/reading. All the things. I will be there with my Parents, Sister K, and Bro-in-law T. If I was not so busy up until the day I leave, I would be going stir crazy!

Walk in love, dear readers!

Stay tuned next week for news from the mountain! Regularly programmed AHAmoments until then!

Go celebrate life, we all have much to celebrate!

The Path Of Least Resistance

The sun is fierce this morning, y’all. It feels like it is going to be a hot one. But. I am not here to talk about the weather. Even if it might be easier to do.

My creative juices have not been flowing forth as of late if you have not been able to tell. In a funk, if you will. Again. Or still. It is what it is, but I do not have to like it.

It is also scary. Being vulnerable. This whole blog thing. Making it public…what was I thinking!? Woof.

bBTn_h

Someone once said I was brave for starting this blog and sharing my story. I do not feel very brave lately.

I meant to post this last night, but then I got self conscious about it and conveniently ran out of time. What about the other days since I last posted? Shh. I do not know.

I am just going to say it. Part of this funk leaves me feeling alone. There, I said it. It is true. There is more to it than that, like vocation, desires, future, faithfully waiting that all plays its roll in the bigger picture of the feeling. Blah, blah, blah.

But here is the thing.

There are times when I think it might be easier to not be me. Did a bomb just go off? Very brief, short times, but still very present. Easier to change what might be different about me and be like ‘everyone else.’ Be more accepted. Whatever all that means.

I might fit in more. Who cares? Did I ever care about that? I am not sure I really do.

Have more friends. Do I need more friends? I have never been one to have a huge group. Just my close, small group.

Maybe not be single? Eh. I would rather not be in a relationship than be in one where I could not be myself.

That I wouldn’t feel lost in this way. Is lost a strong word for this? I am not sure. No stronger than alone, I guess. No one else seems to be going through this. They are all out living their lives. Aren’t they? Is that not what the book of face and insta prove? Ha! I do not believe any of that for a second.

Not stuck in my head of circular thoughts, unable to still.

I have no way of knowing any of that, but I do not believe it would be easier. Indeed it would be harder. I tried not to be someone I wasn’t once. It was terrible. It was in middle school. It sounds silly, I know, but it is true.

I had a very clear feeling that I was not like everyone else. I was too different. I was outside of the box. I felt like a round peg in a square hole. I liked different things, like going to the farm to ride. I did not care to break rules or do things we were not supposed to do. I was quiet. I related more to older people than kids my own age. I did not care to wear makeup or do my hair or wear nice clothes, much to my mother’s chagrin. I felt lost and I did not know why.

I told myself I was going to change. Be more square. Not talk about horses as much. Talk more. Make more friends. Look like someone I wasn’t. I do not know how long this lasted, but I do not think very long. I felt more lost than ever before. Like a stranger in my own skin. I suppose I made more ‘friends,’ but there were not real. I went back to being me because that was the only thing that felt right. It was easy and not hard.

I have been rather. Um. Restless as of late. Desiring a change and not knowing much more than that. Feeling an outside need for change, greater than my own desire. A greater and grander plan. I can’t see the path yet. I guess that is what seasons of waiting are to feel like. I do not know what it looks like or feels like. I am doing my best to seek Him and be faithful in my waiting. To grow and learn what He needs me to. To see and feel Him seeking me. To pray. Keeping knocking.


“Believe me, the choice that does not involve Him always ends up in a bad and downright disappointing place. It ends up in failure because it’s not the path we are meant to be on. It’s not the truth. Seek Him and you will find the truth.”
~Cory Morrow

Desiring a change in life, or rather, feeling the imminent change (and not knowing what it is) is different than changing who you are. Not being you. AHAmoment.

You were made a certain way for a reason. Divinely and uniquely made. Tailor-made. For a purpose. He has a plan and a path for that plan. The road and the gate are narrow, yet easy to follow when you keep your focus on him. We like to make things complicated and difficult. Keep it simple. His path is the path of least resistance.

Anyone still there??? Does any of this make sense? No?

Be yourself. Do not change what makes you, you.

Walk in love, dear readers.

Monday Musings

If Darcy had thumbs, she would be typing this post. She clearly has more to say than me today. 

She is staring me down for her dinner as she does every evening with increasing intensity until I finally feed her. 

How I am able to stick to my schedule and not cave to feeding her early is beyond me. Just look at that face!


I always feed her before I feed myself and generally at the same time. She has never missed a meal, but she might have you believe she has missed many. 

I love her for it. She’s my beautiful girl. My favorite part about it is that she mixes it up.  She starts at one level and when it doesn’t work, she tries something else. She starts small, just little stares. A little whine. Then she will change positions and locations getting more demanding. Often from behind a piece a furniture. She will then come right up to me staring and whining. Tapping my leg with her cold black nose. Almost demanding. Pretty close to dinner time she gets pretty literal about it and goes to stand right by where her food is, locks her eyes in, and whines rather loudly. It is quite comical. 

For such a sweet and feminine thing, it might seem out of character if you didn’t know better. However, she is pretty vocal and makes sure everyone knows how she feels.  

She is quite comfortable in our new home and to be honest, so am I. 

I swept yesterday and there is already dog hair and toys all over the place. I love it. 

I have hung my art on the walls and everything has and is in its place, slowly and surely. My kitchen is clean and laundry is done. It won’t be long before I am overwhelmed with dirty horse jeans and boot socks with no clean civilian clothes to wear to work, but that is not the case now. 

Darcy and I loaded up and headed to the farm Saturday for the morning. I rode my dun duo and they could not have been better. We are continuing to build Lito’s fitness and strength to keep his tendon strong and my Cheetah girl and I had some bareback QT. 




Mondays after a short week are always weird to me. Like the short week shouldn’t have even happened. It felt like I spent the whole day trying to figure out what I did last week and why because clearly I was still in vacation mode. Maybe that is just a subconscious wish for even more time off. 

It is clearly slow and quiet here with not much to report. I am in a little bit of a funcky, introspective mood. Maybe more on that later. 

I hope everyone had a happy Monday. 

Walk in love, dear readers. 

It Is Not Yet Summer

It is not yet summer here. Hot. Yes, durning the day it is quite hot. I even left the horses out in the pasture when I got here so they could stay in the cover of the Pecan trees, enjoying what breeze we had. 


But. 

When the sun starts to go down, the air actually cools. I would deem that a mild June for these parts. No, not quite Summer and I am greatful for this extended spring! I know what’s coming. 

Enjoy it with me as I watch the sun set and feel the southeasterly breeze. 


I made my Mamma’s cheese cake for tomorrow. Decorated it with berries to look like the American Flag. 


I will show you the final work tomorrow! Early morning wake up call for me to get my rides in before the humid heat. 

Walk in love, dear readers! 

Lazy


I am being lazy. I have spent most of the evening watching the horses graze in the windy pasture. Currently, Cheetah is pestering me for dinner and Petunia is smelling me as I sit…and trying to eat my phone. Well, Cheetah is doing that too now. There is just something about their breath on your skin. I can not describe it. If you have never been up close and personal with a horse and felt their breath on your skin. You should. That is all there is to it. There is something peaceful about it. It’s like puppy breath kisses. It’s better than a hug. 


I am OK with the lazy. Well, somewhat OK. It was a long, congested, windy drive out to the farm with the trailer. BUT, I have something exciting planned for tomorrow and want to get to bed early! 

I am leaving first thing in the morning to have a lesson! Let me clarify for my non horse followers, a horseback riding lesson with a dressage trainer. I have not had a lesson in YEARS. If you recall, taking lessons is on my 2017 goal list. 

I am very excited for multiple reasons. One, to make something on that list happen. Most of which though, to continue learning and getting better. Having someone educated on the ground to see what you are doing or not doing is extremely important for benchmark success. I have been feeling the need to ride and train with someone for quite some time now. It is just something that is lacking in my riding at the moment. 

I am going to ride one of her horses, at least for this first time, to see how it goes and how we get along. I plan to eventually haul Cheetah and Lito in for lessons with someone once I find that person. 

I stopped at the feed store on my way here and got everything I needed, including shavings for the trailer ride of my trip next weekend. I called ahead of time to make sure they had everything I needed. If I had a 3rd strike out, I would have been very upset. 

I am going to complain here a little bit. It is not like I can go to the feedstore whenever. It is not like a grocery store in town. I am limited to Fridays after work/before they close at 5:30 and Saturdays before 1 when they close. Sometimes, that is just plain hard. Between everything that needs to get done and trying to relax and let the country time soak in, there just does not seem to be enough time, especially when the feedstore doesn’t keep stocked on what you need. The next closest store that carries what I need is an over 20 minute drive! 

Sorry about that. I am over it now. 

I am also going to go visit a friend who just recently brought her horses home to live. I  excited to meet her horses and see her set up. She wants to talk over her care and feed plan. I will have to keep an eye on the weather so I can avoid visiting in the rain!

It is supposed to rain tomorrow evening and get a little cooler by Sunday morning. Although, the way it is blowing outside, I wouldn’t be surprised if it gets here sooner. Tomorrow will be windy! I hope it doesn’t get in the way of my lesson. 

That is about all I have. I am so boring. I resorted to talking about the weather. Oh well. I am relaxing and being present. Enjoying nature and my horses being horses. 

Stay tuned for news from my lesson and details of my upcoming Hill Country horse girl trip. There is also bound to be some music next week too. 

Walk in love, dear readers!

Camp

Growing up, we went to camp in the summers. The last summer we went was the summer after my parents bought the farm. After that year, we spent all of our time at the farm, outside of the three summers we spent a month in Mexico. Thank goodness, because by that point in time, all I wanted to do was ride horses all day (special thanks to my parents for making that happen). However, that is a story for another day. 

OK, where was I. Oh yes, I was scrolling through the ‘book of face,’ as you do, and saw some pictures of the big sister of my Middle Sister’s friend. Confusing to read, I know. Anyway, she was one of the many councelors at camp. 

If I remember correctly, at meal times, campers sat in assigned seating that was changed every week so campers throughout the camp of all ages could get to know one another. Each table had a counselor as the head of the table. It was likely my first year, but I do not remember. That sister of my Sister’s friend was the head of my assigned table one of those weeks. 

At that time (and for a very long time…another story for another day), I was an extremely picky eater. Like, basically ate only five things, picky. Everyone at my table kept messing with me because I was not eating what was served. Trust me, if I could have eaten the food to make them stop and get the attention off of me, I would have. Sister of my Sister’s friend recognized what was going on. She quietly pulled me aside and taught me where to get a loaf of bread and peanut butter to make my own sandwich (without jelly, because that just would not do). I have a feeling she probably said something to some of the campers at our table too. 

I will always remember her for that. For her kindness and grace. She didn’t owe me anything. I didn’t even know who she was at the time. I honestly think that is my favorite memory from camp. 

Funny the things you remember. 

Walk in love, dear readers. 

Write.

That is what a blank blog post says.

Write.

I do not have anything.

I can not force it today. That is what it feels like.

Nothing clever or insightful to say. No song to share. No cute pictures to brighten your day.

Everything is old, nothing is new.

I will share that because it is at least funny. It will give you a chuckle. Maybe. It gives me a chuckle.

Let me explain. My Father’s brother, Uncle K and his family, live in Hawaii. Several years ago, we went to visit them. I have no idea when. Was I in elementary school or middle school? I do not know. That is not an important detail outside of the fact that I was much younger. Anyway, they introduced us to this Hawaiian comedian. There was a whole album to listen to. Half of his bit is prank calling restaurants. OK, if you worked at said restaurants, I can see how that might not be very funny…but come on. It is. As kids, we about lost it. We still laugh about it as a family. Reminds us of that special family trip. “Anything special. No. Everything is old, nothing is new,” stuck with us all!

The only exciting thing I have to share is that I skipped lunch to go to my local tack store to look for a new bit to try for Lito (OK, maybe only exciting for me and other horse people). He constantly plays with the simple, plain egg butt snaffle I have been using and fights it. I found two today to try. Might have been a bit of a splurge, but hey, you can never have too many bits, right?! No? Oh well, I got a three piece D ring with a copper link and a fatter, plain D snaffle. I already have a plain D ring that has a more curved mouth piece. For as big as he may seem, his lower jaw is somewhat narrow. I am thinking either the above mentioned 3 piece or the D I already have might work. We will see.

Random, I know.

Going to take my Darcy dog for a long walk now. Gotta get outside.

Walk in love, dear readers!

Pillow Talk

I am sitting here in bed, after a pretty good day. The fact that I am sitting here, in my bed, writing a blog post makes me think about this old movie I saw once. Probably on Turner Classic Movies. ‘Pillow Talk’ I believe it was called. Anyway, I digress. 

Between rides, I spent the day entertaining my Niece with my Mother. She is a gal after my own heart with how horse crazy she is. I basically escorted her from horse to horse all day. She sat on everyone at least once. My sister had to work today and my Father, Brother in law, and Nephew went fishing. My Mother the Grandmother, was on baby duty. 

I rode Cheetah about mid morning due to fog and Niece chasing. The ride was pretty good and definitely ended on a good note. We had to work through some ugly moments. Most likely due to my sucketude and how I apparently sometimes forget how to ride. Normally this would really put me in a mood and it had the potential to, but today it didn’t. We worked through it until it felt right. Until I didn’t suck anymore and she could actually relax without whatever I was or was not doing. Sometimes, that is just how it goes, whether it is horses or life. It is not and can not always be pretty. AHAmoment. You just have to work through the suck until it doesn’t anymore. Today, I did that and I am proud of it. 

The great part of my day was riding my Lito. I am always amazed my him. He tries so hard and is such a quick learner. I honestly feel bad for anyone who does not have a baby horse like him! I really made him work harder than I have yet to date and he really responded. Our progress may seem slow to some (or maybe just to me), but all of our rides have been a week or two apart. When I really think about that, it is pretty amazing. After our arena work, we went for a cool down walk out in the meadow pasture. While we were out there, a little storm blew over us. It sprinkled some, but what I was worried about was the cold wind. You know the kind. Right before it unleashes. Luckily for us, it didn’t. He was definitely hyper aware, but trusting and brave. The thought crossed my mind (slightly ashamed to admit it) to just hop off and walk him back. I did not want him to have an experience to shake his confidence…or mine with him (I am still worried that I am going to mess him up). He showed me that he could handle it. I am so proud of him.


That was the high of my day. I also took Ike for a spin, replaced a paddock fence board, and my dog is happily tired from all the running and playing. 


Sitting here, reflecting on the day, I feel as though I might have already had too much family time and it has not really even begun. Do any of you ever feel like no one in your family listens to you? I do. All the time. Is it because I’m the youngest? Do I not have interesting things to listen to? Is there something wrong with me? I don’t know. It makes me sad. I will be in the middle of saying something, and someone will either just start having another conversation or worse, just stop paying attention all together. 

But. I don’t want to focus on that. I want to focus on the fact that my dog is happy being a dog and that I had some great rides on some great horses. 

Walk in love, dear readers. 

This Moment. 

I am currently sitting on the porch at the farm next to my mother as she reads, under the great live oak, enjoying the breeze. Apache is across the yard, eating his fill of senior feed. I am about ready to make a cocktail. My dad just let the cows up from the meadow and into the pond pasture where the horses live. I have been blogging a lot from my phone lately, so apologies if the formatting looks goofy. 


Things went pretty well this morning and only time will tell how well. After our meeting, we (everyone in my company) all had a relaxing lunch together at my request. Not long after, my boss told everyone to go home and enjoy the long weekend. I am so blessed to work with he people I do. I know it has been hard working in this industry during this downturn (harder for many others than for me…I still have a job). I know sometimes I am unsure if this is what I should be doing and that I do not know what my next step will be, but I am happy and proud to work with such high caliber individuals that know what it is all about. Family always comes first. Blessed beyond measure to be there. 


Enjoy the long weekend with family, dogs, and horses I will!

I am shooting for riding Lito Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, in addition to everyone else. I have his first off property, ridden experience booked for the first weekend in May in the hill country. More on that later. I hope to get the trailer in for a good once over on Saturday if the place is open in preparation. R and the horse she rides, Ronan, are coming with us. In addition to all the riding we will be doing, we are going to have our own little Kentucky Derby watching party!

That is what is going on in this moment. It is a pretty good AHAmoment to really feel how blessed I truly am. 

More later. Walk in love, dear readers.