A powerful thing. Giving things time can have impressive effects. Have you ever heard the term ‘just sleep on it’? Well, now you have if you had not before. If you just sit back and think it completely through and wait till morning, you will often get a more harmonious result from not being reactionary.
Time is also a healer. I know this is a universal thing across all cultures and most know it to be true. There are of course songs written about it. After a difficult life event, it feels like time goes at a snail’s pace. Even when you keep busy to keep your mind occupied and try to make the time go faster. Grasping at anything to get you farther from the memories. The feelings. The sadness. The hurt. The anger. You just keep going, taking one step at a time because that is all you can do.
“They say music takes you back to a time. And time is a healer of things.”
Then, it happens. Time has gone by without you realizing it and you look back and realize how far you have come. Amazed at how long ago that happened. How did it get to be years ago?
That happened to me today. Looking back, I never thought it would happen. I still think of that day two years ago often and I know I will the rest of my life. Even just a few days ago, without realizing that it has been two years. Two years does not seem like a long time to some that are removed from the situation. But it feels like so long ago. So much has happened and so much has changed in that time.
Two years ago, we had to put down our first horse. You can read about that day by clicking HERE. He was over 30 years old and we had him for over half his life. He changed my life. That day was so hard, yet so wonderful at the same time. There is such beauty present in the dichotomy of this earthly life. AHAmoment. How something so hard and difficult also presents such life, light, and love is amazing to me. Your faith and spirit are always there. AHAmoment. Something that never goes away. I feel so blessed that I was open to seeing it in that moment, at that time.
I am guessing he is 30 here.
On his 31st birthday. He got to graze in the yard. Do not tell my dad.
Standard bluebonnet photo.
Hey, hi there.
Bath time. I have no idea how old I am here.
Sweet clothes, man. Please pardon the background. The place looks much different now.
We drowned our sorrows in red wine and chocolate pie that night and listened to this song. It always reminds me of him. To this day, it is still my favorite remedy for loss and I recommend it to many.
I am grateful for time. The time I had with him. The time in the moment, even though it was so hard. The time to heal since then and the time I take to remember the memories.
There are many in my life that have lost in the past year. Lost family members or loved ones. Lost horses and dogs. Lost their homes. Tonight I think will be a wine and pie night in memory…after I run.
The sun’s predawn light trickled through the blinds as I blinked, reaching for my phone to turn off my alarm. Patting my bedside table, I realized it was not there, but I was still not comprehending. The only thought was why the volume was so loud and how it seemed to slowly get that way. Like it came from afar. My vision finally came to when I saw a dark something on my sheets, very close to my pillow. Strange. What in the world could that be. I did not hear my alarm anymore. I laid there staring. My still asleep mind jumped to a pool of blood. Yes, that is natural. That has to be it. Where could it have come from. My nose? I never get nose bleeds. My ear? Heck if I know. What is it?! How?
I moved my sheet and discovered the rest of the black rectangular shape that was my phone. I dropped my head like a rock on my pillow with a sigh as I began to hear my alarm sing again. Turn that off. I have to get up. Shower. Go be an adult. How I longed for the days of my youth when we got to take naps at school. Why did we fight the naps? Most all kids seem to fight the nap. If only I could tell them not to. If only they knew!
Such a dramatic wake up for a day like Monday! I can not read into that one too much. When I had my appendix taken out, I woke up one night from a nightmare that I bled out. I read somewhere that is common after surgery. Yesterday was somewhat dramatic. I am not sure if that is really the word, but we will go with it.
I can not help but feel that my life lately can be summed up in a single emoji. Something like this…
Especially yesterday. Ugh. I do not even want to share. But. That is what this is for, right? What IT is about? Sharing our story. Yes. Please tell me I am not alone at the end of this.
I spent the weekend at the farm. Lito started his light trot work and was nice and sound. He seemed to be quite happy to not just be walking and the short 5 min of trot had him slightly breathing. On Saturday, I loaded up Cheetah and rode with some friends who have a place down the road from us. Cheetah was great and we had a grand time. Rode in the morning. Then had mimosas in the shade before spending the afternoon in the pool. We had dinner and I got home a little late but not bad.
I had Sunday all planned. You know what they say about plans, right? Anyway, I woke up without an alarm a little after 6 AM. After trying to will myself into sleeping more, I got up and went to go feed the horses with the dogs. I was dog sitting for some friends over the weekend. I had a leisurely breakfast and read a little with my coffee. I got dressed and took care of some things before taking Lito out for his little bite of exercise. All good. I packed and did some house cleaning, before loading up the dogs to head back before lunch time. I had all afternoon.
I was going to get back to town and drop of the dogs at their home. Then Darcy and I would go on our merry way to our new townhouse and finish moving over the course of the afternoon. We were to spend our first night there. I was excited. I will add that Darcy was excited too just for dramatic effect. We need more of that.
I stopped in the little town right by the farm to fill up before hitting the road. I did my auto pilot thing. You know how you are doing things and do not even realize it because you do them all the time and your mind is off in a different world thinking about other things? Not really in the present? That. I filled up like I always fill my car. MY CAR. Not my dad’s diesel truck.
Yes. you read that correctly.
I could not have felt more stupid. I am not a stupid person.
I sat in the truck while it filled up completely oblivious to what I had just done. Just waiting. Yelling at Poodie to stop barking at the innocent people walking back to their cars with their drinks and snacks. I heard the pump click off. In a split second my eyes got wide as I got an image in my mind of what I just done. No, surely not. I hope I did not just do that. Don’t freak out just yet. Turn around and look to confirm before you freak out.
That was a wasted second of clear, level thinking. I turned around to see the gas pup innocently resting in the diesel tank of the truck. My head dropped as I took a breath. I returned the pump to its holster and slowly turned around to sit in the truck and think. No one answered their phones. Typical. I called my dad three times. I look up and see I from the feed store! Oh thank you Lord! I waved him over and gave him the run down. He was very happy I did not start the truck. My spirits lightened slightly at that. He gave me our mechanic’s brother’s number who has a tow truck. Then called the mechanic begging for help.
Lucky for me, we are long time customers and they are nice people. I owe a lot of people some homemade cookies. I seemed a little worried about me, but I assured him I would be fine once I quit being mad at myself and I would text him if I needed a ride or when I got back safely.
My dad called me and said, “What is wrong?” Well, I told him what happened and that I had the ball rolling to get it fixed. His responded with, “Oh no.” I know. “You didn’t start it did you?” No, I didn’t start it.
We got the truck towed down the road to the shop. “You didn’t start it did you?!” NO! I didn’t start it!!! Why doesn’t anyone believe me! “Don’t feel bad, I had someone just last week who did this. At least you didn’t start it.”
The tow truck driver gave us a ride back to the farm. The four of us. Me and the three dogs. A comical sight on the bench seat of a tow truck and a bit of a tight squeeze.
R came to rescue us from the farm and deliver us safely back home. She was our knight in shining steel she said. She has jokes that one. I could not ask my parents to do that. I felt, and still kinda feel, like a cowering dog with his tail tucked between his legs. They were not mad, but I was. I made R stay for dinner. R said she has driven off with the pump a few times. Thanks for trying to make me feel better, R.
Hopefully it will be all fixed today.
At least it makes for a good story? Self deprecating humor? Eventually.
Mom said to be nice to myself. People make mistakes. Yes, we do. Some just are not that easy to swallow. I tried to google how often people do this. Ha! Not an easy answer. I will find the humor!
Today is a new day, as my mother said this very morning. And it is just that!
A new day, and new hit. You only thought that was the end of it or the worst of it. I just got a text from a friend that I rode with last weekend. She is pretty sure her horse has strangles and to watch our horses closely. Great.
But hey, I am already there taking care of Lito, no time like the present. Praying that it is not and that our horses do not contract it!
We will tackle this too. These issues do not know who they are dealing with!
We will tackle them with high heads, walking in love. Drawing our strength through Him, growing and learning.