Alternately titled…Avery’s Brain Activity In GIFs.
I have a case of the Tuesday random rambles.
I can not focus worth a flip.
Too excited and jittery to sit still.
I want hot chocolate.
Why, you ask? Because it looks wintery outside.
Oh, lawd. Not THAT wintery. Not even close. Please don’t let it ever look that wintery here. The world would end.
Darcy had a vet appointment after work for routine stuff.
*Insert imaginary, really cute photo of Darcy because I forgot to take one*
The early passing of musical great, Tom Petty, makes me immensely sad. And yes, I have been listening to him all day. An inspiration to many. Makes me think about all the other musical greats that left this earthly realm too soon. That Angel Band, man, it sure will be something to hear.
All the finger pointing and hate (in all directions) in the wake of this tragedy also makes me sad.
No GIF for that. I will not justify it with that.
But.
You know what I will do? Leave this here for y’all. And pray for them.
“Pointed fingers must be ware”
And, uh, this because how can I not?
The one thing I can focus on though, is my trip.
Bazinga. Back to being jittery and exited again.
Just a few more days. How will I make it?! So ready to get out of Dodge.
I love how clean everything looks and feels after rain. The air is a little drier, softer, cooler. The sun is not so oppressive. The grass appears to green up instantly. That might be my favorite part, the almost instant change in the foliage. It is amazing to me. Almost as amazing as how quickly it gets back to the way it was before, miserably HOT. The sun seemingly glaring at me, right in the face. The cool clean has evaporated since I began to pen this post, or key it, but that just does not sound as fun.
Anyway, it gets me thinking on fall and my favorite time of year. The holidays. I know we still have many HOT days (more like weeks and closer to months, really) left ahead of us in this part of the world, but I can not help it. It means cooler evenings. Sweaters (eventually anyway). Fires in the pit. Fuzzy horses. Foggy breath. Christmas music. Food and baking. Family and friends. The season of thanks and giving. The reason for the season and this beautiful life we live here on earth with all of God’s handiwork.
It also gets me thinking on difficult things. Things of the not so distant past. Anniversaries all the same. Anniversaries typically get me thinking of happy memories. Like Weddings. Birthdays. Big occasions. But. They are not always happy things, are they? Such dichotomy within a word, no?
A happy anniversary comes up in a few days. One year since the beginning of this blog! That is pretty exciting! Something that I thought about for such a long time and coming to fruition, and sticking with it. What an amazing journey it has been so far and I have you, dear readers, to thank for it.
My nephew turns 5 (how did that happen??!!!!) at the end of this month. Very happy anniversary of his life.
September. September will be two years since we had to put our first horse, Mansebo, down. Woof. That was terribly hard. Even still. Especially as I try to mentally prepare myself, if that is even possible, for when that day comes for Apache. That is the hardest part about having animals and being their stewards, but the very most important from my eyes. BUT. September is also my Grandmother’s birthday! So, I focus on that.
Then, there is the big one. The one that has not happened yet. In November. I still do not quite know how to even say it. It feels like a bomb almost every time I do. Sometimes when I say it, I want to duck and look around. The anniversary of my Uncle’s death. Anniversary seems like the wrong word, but that is what it is. I still have moments where it just hits me. Sometimes sad. Sometimes mad. Sometimes still shocked and dumbfounded. At the time and in the moment it was just all so surreal. Like it wasn’t happening. Like it was just all one big, bad, increasingly long nightmare. It has slowly turned into reality. The new normal, as they say. That normal will evolve and change as the days and years go by. We are all changed. What it will bring in November, I do not know. But. I do know this. We will all gather and be together for Thanksgiving. Be in an attitude of thanks and giving. Focus on that. Focus on celebrating life and what we have to be grateful for. Focus on the happy memories. I am going to choose to focus on that. Yes, it will be hard, but it is our call and it is necessary. I want to remember how encouraging and faithful he was. Remember his love for the kids. My deserts I will bake for him.
But just like storms roll across the sky from here to there, the storms in our lives come and go. Both bring what comes after. The blue sky, clean air, and green grass. The Aftermath. Some storms take longer than others and some sure feel like they circle around and back up and just sit there overhead for a while, dumping buckets, but they always roll on, if you let them.
This post may seem premature to some since it is only, um, August. To me it is just a natural evolution and progression and it is what is on my mind. So I decided to share. No, it is not easy and I feel vulnerable, but it is what IT is all about.
Thank you for being here and being you. I appreciate y’all.
How many times can I say ‘it’ in a single post?
Walk in love, dear readers. Have a great Thursday!
The sun’s predawn light trickled through the blinds as I blinked, reaching for my phone to turn off my alarm. Patting my bedside table, I realized it was not there, but I was still not comprehending. The only thought was why the volume was so loud and how it seemed to slowly get that way. Like it came from afar. My vision finally came to when I saw a dark something on my sheets, very close to my pillow. Strange. What in the world could that be. I did not hear my alarm anymore. I laid there staring. My still asleep mind jumped to a pool of blood. Yes, that is natural. That has to be it. Where could it have come from. My nose? I never get nose bleeds. My ear? Heck if I know. What is it?! How?
I moved my sheet and discovered the rest of the black rectangular shape that was my phone. I dropped my head like a rock on my pillow with a sigh as I began to hear my alarm sing again. Turn that off. I have to get up. Shower. Go be an adult. How I longed for the days of my youth when we got to take naps at school. Why did we fight the naps? Most all kids seem to fight the nap. If only I could tell them not to. If only they knew!
Such a dramatic wake up for a day like Monday! I can not read into that one too much. When I had my appendix taken out, I woke up one night from a nightmare that I bled out. I read somewhere that is common after surgery. Yesterday was somewhat dramatic. I am not sure if that is really the word, but we will go with it.
I can not help but feel that my life lately can be summed up in a single emoji. Something like this…
Especially yesterday. Ugh. I do not even want to share. But. That is what this is for, right? What IT is about? Sharing our story. Yes. Please tell me I am not alone at the end of this.
I spent the weekend at the farm. Lito started his light trot work and was nice and sound. He seemed to be quite happy to not just be walking and the short 5 min of trot had him slightly breathing. On Saturday, I loaded up Cheetah and rode with some friends who have a place down the road from us. Cheetah was great and we had a grand time. Rode in the morning. Then had mimosas in the shade before spending the afternoon in the pool. We had dinner and I got home a little late but not bad.
I had Sunday all planned. You know what they say about plans, right? Anyway, I woke up without an alarm a little after 6 AM. After trying to will myself into sleeping more, I got up and went to go feed the horses with the dogs. I was dog sitting for some friends over the weekend. I had a leisurely breakfast and read a little with my coffee. I got dressed and took care of some things before taking Lito out for his little bite of exercise. All good. I packed and did some house cleaning, before loading up the dogs to head back before lunch time. I had all afternoon.
I was going to get back to town and drop of the dogs at their home. Then Darcy and I would go on our merry way to our new townhouse and finish moving over the course of the afternoon. We were to spend our first night there. I was excited. I will add that Darcy was excited too just for dramatic effect. We need more of that.
I stopped in the little town right by the farm to fill up before hitting the road. I did my auto pilot thing. You know how you are doing things and do not even realize it because you do them all the time and your mind is off in a different world thinking about other things? Not really in the present? That. I filled up like I always fill my car. MY CAR. Not my dad’s diesel truck.
Yes. you read that correctly.
I could not have felt more stupid. I am not a stupid person.
I sat in the truck while it filled up completely oblivious to what I had just done. Just waiting. Yelling at Poodie to stop barking at the innocent people walking back to their cars with their drinks and snacks. I heard the pump click off. In a split second my eyes got wide as I got an image in my mind of what I just done. No, surely not. I hope I did not just do that. Don’t freak out just yet. Turn around and look to confirm before you freak out.
That was a wasted second of clear, level thinking. I turned around to see the gas pup innocently resting in the diesel tank of the truck. My head dropped as I took a breath. I returned the pump to its holster and slowly turned around to sit in the truck and think. No one answered their phones. Typical. I called my dad three times. I look up and see I from the feed store! Oh thank you Lord! I waved him over and gave him the run down. He was very happy I did not start the truck. My spirits lightened slightly at that. He gave me our mechanic’s brother’s number who has a tow truck. Then called the mechanic begging for help.
Lucky for me, we are long time customers and they are nice people. I owe a lot of people some homemade cookies. I seemed a little worried about me, but I assured him I would be fine once I quit being mad at myself and I would text him if I needed a ride or when I got back safely.
My dad called me and said, “What is wrong?” Well, I told him what happened and that I had the ball rolling to get it fixed. His responded with, “Oh no.” I know. “You didn’t start it did you?” No, I didn’t start it.
We got the truck towed down the road to the shop. “You didn’t start it did you?!” NO! I didn’t start it!!! Why doesn’t anyone believe me! “Don’t feel bad, I had someone just last week who did this. At least you didn’t start it.”
The tow truck driver gave us a ride back to the farm. The four of us. Me and the three dogs. A comical sight on the bench seat of a tow truck and a bit of a tight squeeze.
R came to rescue us from the farm and deliver us safely back home. She was our knight in shining steel she said. She has jokes that one. I could not ask my parents to do that. I felt, and still kinda feel, like a cowering dog with his tail tucked between his legs. They were not mad, but I was. I made R stay for dinner. R said she has driven off with the pump a few times. Thanks for trying to make me feel better, R.
Hopefully it will be all fixed today.
At least it makes for a good story? Self deprecating humor? Eventually.
Mom said to be nice to myself. People make mistakes. Yes, we do. Some just are not that easy to swallow. I tried to google how often people do this. Ha! Not an easy answer. I will find the humor!
Today is a new day, as my mother said this very morning. And it is just that!
A new day, and new hit. You only thought that was the end of it or the worst of it. I just got a text from a friend that I rode with last weekend. She is pretty sure her horse has strangles and to watch our horses closely. Great.
But hey, I am already there taking care of Lito, no time like the present. Praying that it is not and that our horses do not contract it!
We will tackle this too. These issues do not know who they are dealing with!
We will tackle them with high heads, walking in love. Drawing our strength through Him, growing and learning.
