Just Ride

Just ride.

Just another one of those speaking of which moments.


“MY LACK OF THOUGHTS YESTERDAY GOT ME THINKING ABOUT THINKING.
THINKING TOO MUCH CAN BE COUNTER PRODUCTIVE.
SOMETIMES IT IS GOOD TO CLEAR YOUR MIND OF THOUGHTS, RELAX, LOSE YOURSELF IN THE MOMENT AND JUST RIDE. IT IS AMAZING HOW MANY THINGS CAN JUST FALL INTO PLACE WHEN YOU DO THIS.”
IAN LEIGHTON

Several years ago, I was riding a young, long legged sorrel horse for a friend who did not have the time to work him. He was at the time that I started riding him, lightly started under saddle. He knew how to go, turn, and stop, mostly, and had not been ridden outside of the round pen very much. I had been riding him for a good little while and he was making some good progress on most things. Teaching him his leads was hard for him for some reason or another and keeping them from becoming an issue or a complex for him was a little bit of work. Eventually he seemed to have them figured out. Or so it would have seemed.

One particular windy day in a busy arena, he apparently forgot the whole left and right lead concept. We had all the pieces seemingly snugly in his brain, but he just could not, on that day, put them together. Or I could not. We both started to get a little flustered at the situation when my friend and owner of the horse spoke out, “Just get his hip, keep the shoulder, and ask him again. Just ride.” A voice of reason when I could not seem to find my own. It was just what we needed to pick up the correct lead. The colt powered away, unsure of whether or not he had done the correct thing and again, my friend’s voice came to me, “Just ride, sit down and just ride. Let him come back.”

Both in life and horses, you just need to ride it out sometimes.

Make a mistake? Just ride. Ask and try again.

Road get a little bumpy? Just ride till it gets smooth.

Life changing? Just ride and let it. Don’t stand in the way.

Storm on the horizon? Have faith and just ride. Storms never last.

Rain, winter, and a busy schedule keep you from riding as much as you normally do? Just look up, ride through, and remember, this too shall pass.


“When life gives a hard blow, focus on riding though. No different than when a young colt takes off. Don’t panic and stop him. Buckle down, lift, and ride through the storm with your eyes ahead. Pain and fear are always temporary before the good feelings come back. They always do no matter how broken you feel in that moment. And if you’re like me, horses usually answer many of life’s biggest questions.”
Lucia Clemetson

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Walk in love, dear readers, and just ride. Happy Friday!

Change

“After all these years I find it strange how much time it takes to keep things the same”
~Eric Middleton & Adam Hood

Have you ever thought about how much time we spend trying to keep things from changing? Really and truly thought about it? I bet it is more than you would want to admit.

As a historically more than moderate change averse person, I know I have spent quite a bit of time trying to keep things the same. I do not even realize I am doing it most of the time. I have worked hard and am admittedly still working hard (always will probably) to not stand in the way of change and worked to accept its roll in my journey.

The thing about it is, life is about change. I have heard it said, “if you are not changing, you are dying.” I think there is a lot of truth to that statement. As much as we what everything to stay the same, change is the natural progression of our lives. The world is constantly changing whether we like it or not. We can stand there and let the world pass us by, or we can walk our path here and let the chips fall where they may. The choice is ours. Have the faith to trust that it is all worked out.

Walk in love, dear readers!

Restart

I am going to get a little serious today. I try to keep things real over here for the both of us. Well, because that is life, isn’t it? And this is something that has been on my mind. There are too many people out there these days that try to paint an altered image of who they are instead of just being themselves and being honest.

This is me and this is my life.

I need a restart. A reset. A refocus.

It is no secret that I have been in a little bit of a funk these days and desiring more or  different from or out of my life. Questioning if I should continue this path and stay the course or to venture on a new one. The form of that change is something I am still trying to work out. I am, quite literally, at a crossroads. Part of me says, “get over yourself, just do it. Do something,” while the other part of me says, “you’re not ready yet. You need to work through this first.”

Even as I have typed all of this, I want to delete because it is still scary to think about and say out loud. Even if I have said it before.

But that is not the point. The point is, I am harboring all of this inside, working that circular thought process over, and not focusing on what is important. Not focusing on the Lord and giving it up to Him. Trying to do it by myself for myself. It is leaving me clouded and bringing me down. I am having a hard time seeing the light and it is more than just because of the weather. It is weighing me down.

I need to remember He has the plan and He is building me up for something. I need to reset and put my full focus on Him. My heart and my head. He knows the way. AHA moment.

I have talked about Soulshine with you before. Not that long ago. What I said then is a good reminder for today.

I have been thinking this morning about faking it till you make it because I am tired of feeling this way and looking this way. So that will be me. Faking it till I make it till I figure it out. Adding more leg and pushing through.

Are you tired of talking about this yet? I am. I feel like I have said this multiple times and I know the reel has not stopped.

Luckily daylight savings time is right around the corner and that means more riding. I need more riding. Too bad it is not this weekend. It would be nice to get more rides in before the clinic I am riding in next weekend, but any riding I am grateful for with this weather. I do not think I have ever ridden so little in my life. Which does not help anything!

Any of you have any life changing stories for me?

Walk in love, dear readers.

Hour Without Power

Sounds like some kind of weekly, new year resolution challenge. Power Hour. If only I was that creative and inspired.

The other day, one of those polar vortex days last week, I pulled up at the farm after work to get everything done before the sun went down and got too cold. The thought of having everything finished early and being able to settle in with a movie and fuzzy socks on the couch with my dog sounded like just the ticket. As I pulled into the drive, I had a fleeting thought that something looked, or rather felt, different.

Not being able to put my finger on it quickly and having too much to do, I pushed the though aside and got to work.

Time went by quickly, but I worked just as fast. When I was close to being finished, I slowed down a little and then it hit me.

No power.

Great.

I pulled out my phone. Less than 10% battery.

Double great.

My early evening movie dreams seemed to vanish as quickly as I had conjured them. Well, at least my dog, the couch, and the fuzzy socks would be there.

I quickly fell back on my default. I called Pops. Why is it that at less than a year from being thirty years old, I still call my parents for help? Have I ever been at the farm before with no power? or anywhere else for that matter? No. You call the power company and report it, light candles, get the batteries out, and then you wait. All of the above is what he said, as expected.

Anyway, back to my story.

I got all the candles together, lit them, and arranged them around the house while trying to report the outage over the phone. After that chore was checked off the list, I did a little happy dance before lighting the propane space heaters and being glad for a gas stove to heat up my dinner.

While my dinner was heating up, I looked around at the soft flickering light flooding through the house and just had to smile. Such a pretty sight that almost felt like an actual warmth that was more than the space heaters.

I almost laughed at myself for doing such a 180. Just moments before I was exclaiming (yes, aloud if you must know) how this stuff always happens to me when I am by myself! No power. Broken stuff. You name it. Kick the dirt. It makes me laugh now. How quickly we loose sight of what is important and how much we have.

I sat down with my candle light dinner, Darcy at my feet, and did not even bother with the fuzzy socks. No TV. No phone. No distractions. Just quiet. Maybe I will read a book with my fuzzy socks.

Just as I was thinking how great this was and how I would be OK if this happened on occasion (Occasion?! Give me a week away from it all!), the lights flickered and the power came back on. Figures.

Darcy and I looked at each other seemingly posing the same question. Should I just turn the lights off and continue on in candle light?

Well, I didn’t. I plugged in my phone, blew out most of the candles, and found a movie on the TV.

It all got me thinking how connected and dependent we are. Phone calls. Text messages. Emails. Photos. Social media. Internet. All of it in this little computer we all keep at an arm’s reach. Permeating everything we do. Getting comfortable with convenience. Complacent with the world as we know it today. How different it is now.

I often find myself wanting to really unplug and get away from my phone and computer always demanding things from me. Taking me away from what is really important and what life is really about. Taking actual time out of my life.

I have been thinking about this a lot the last few days. Ever since my hour without power. There are two things that come to mind. Something I read a few years ago and something I read today.

It is going to take me a while to find the article from a few years ago, so that will have to be saved for another day.

Something I found today though, is totally worth the read. A bit morbid at first sight, but absolutely worth it. Too many truths to count from someone who knows what IT is all about.

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Don’t tell anyone if I ‘accidentally’ drop my phone in the water trough and and flip the breaker!

Walk in love, dear readers!

Thursday’s Track

The ultimate fall song, as my Pops always says.

Seems rather fitting. There are some things that just are, that we can not change. We learn to live with them or move around them and move on. There are some things that are meant to be and some things that are not. Some things change at the drop of a hat and some things evolve slowly, like rocks into sand. Sometimes we do not seem to know the way and yet, at other times, the path is quite clear.

That is where faith comes in. To keep walking and lean on Him, whether we are sure or unsure. To know He has a plan and to keep working towards it for Him.

There is a path and a plan on His time. I pray for the strength and faith to keep seeking Him and that His will be done through me. To be honest and true and faithful and still in my waiting. To continue to pray and know that he will fill the desires of my heart.

Leaves fall in the cool October air
Days grow short and I can’t remember
Where I saw you last
Turned against the summer light
Walking off on that final August night
I was there on my knees, all alone
In a world
Where nothing ever stays the same
I am left
With only things I cannot change
You’ve gone away
And left me things I cannot change
Smoke will rise
And the fire always burns
Sands will drift
And tides will turn and I can’t
Wrestle with the sea
Rearrange the sky, or fight against the wind
Anymore than I
Can bring you back to me
In a world
Where nothing ever stays the same
I am left
With only things I cannot change
You’ve gone away
And left me things I cannot change
~Songwriters: Alan Miller / Dennis Britt / Jaime Hanna
Recorded and performed by: The Mavericks
Have a great Thursday, dear readers. Walk in love.

The Path Of Least Resistance

The sun is fierce this morning, y’all. It feels like it is going to be a hot one. But. I am not here to talk about the weather. Even if it might be easier to do.

My creative juices have not been flowing forth as of late if you have not been able to tell. In a funk, if you will. Again. Or still. It is what it is, but I do not have to like it.

It is also scary. Being vulnerable. This whole blog thing. Making it public…what was I thinking!? Woof.

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Someone once said I was brave for starting this blog and sharing my story. I do not feel very brave lately.

I meant to post this last night, but then I got self conscious about it and conveniently ran out of time. What about the other days since I last posted? Shh. I do not know.

I am just going to say it. Part of this funk leaves me feeling alone. There, I said it. It is true. There is more to it than that, like vocation, desires, future, faithfully waiting that all plays its roll in the bigger picture of the feeling. Blah, blah, blah.

But here is the thing.

There are times when I think it might be easier to not be me. Did a bomb just go off? Very brief, short times, but still very present. Easier to change what might be different about me and be like ‘everyone else.’ Be more accepted. Whatever all that means.

I might fit in more. Who cares? Did I ever care about that? I am not sure I really do.

Have more friends. Do I need more friends? I have never been one to have a huge group. Just my close, small group.

Maybe not be single? Eh. I would rather not be in a relationship than be in one where I could not be myself.

That I wouldn’t feel lost in this way. Is lost a strong word for this? I am not sure. No stronger than alone, I guess. No one else seems to be going through this. They are all out living their lives. Aren’t they? Is that not what the book of face and insta prove? Ha! I do not believe any of that for a second.

Not stuck in my head of circular thoughts, unable to still?

I have no way of knowing any of that, but I do not believe it would be easier. Indeed it would be harder. I tried to be someone I wasn’t once. It was terrible. It was in middle school. It sounds silly and trivial, I know, but it is true.

I had a very clear feeling that I was not like everyone else. I was too different. I was outside of the box. I felt like a round peg in a square hole. I liked different things, like going to the farm to ride. I did not care to break rules or do things we were not supposed to do. I was quiet. I related more to older people than kids my own age. I did not care to wear makeup or do my hair or wear nice clothes, much to my mother’s chagrin. I felt lost and I did not know why.

I told myself I was going to change. Be more square. Not talk about horses as much. Talk more. Make more friends. Look like someone I wasn’t. I do not know how long this lasted, but I do not think very long. I felt more lost than ever before. Like a stranger in my own skin. I suppose I made more ‘friends,’ but there were not real. I went back to being me because that was the only thing that felt right. It was easy and not hard.

I have been rather. Um. Restless as of late. Desiring a change and not knowing much more than that. Feeling an outside need for change, greater than my own desire. A greater and grander plan. I can’t see the path yet. I guess that is what seasons of waiting are to feel like. I do not know what it looks like or feels like. I am doing my best to seek Him and be faithful in my waiting. To grow and learn what He needs me to. To see and feel Him seeking me. To pray. Keeping knocking.


“Believe me, the choice that does not involve Him always ends up in a bad and downright disappointing place. It ends up in failure because it’s not the path we are meant to be on. It’s not the truth. Seek Him and you will find the truth.”
~Cory Morrow

Desiring a change in life, or rather, feeling the imminent change (and not knowing what it is) is different than changing who you are. Not being you. AHAmoment.

You were made a certain way for a reason. Divinely and uniquely made. Tailor-made. For a purpose. He has a plan and a path for that plan. The road and the gate are narrow, yet easy to follow when you keep your focus on Him. We like to make things complicated and difficult. Instead, keep it simple. His path is the path of least resistance.

Anyone still there??? Does any of this make sense? No?

Be yourself. Do not change what makes you, you.

Walk in love, dear readers.

Desire

Desire. A thought for the day.

I have and have had many desires in my life as I am sure many of you have. I find the dynamic nature of desires interesting and intriguing. As we learn and grow in life, as we gain wisdom with age, our desires change with our change in perspective. One can learn a lot about themselves, and others, by deciphering where certain desires come from. AHAmoment.

According to Merriam-Webster, the word desire is defined as:

  • Transitive verb: to long or hope for; to express a wish for or to; and most interestingly, to feel the loss of
  • Noun: conscious impulse toward something that promises enjoyment or satisfaction in its attainment; longing; craving; formal request or petition for action; something longed or hoped for

To feel the loss of something. I found that interesting to be defined there in just that way. How can you long for something you never had? Can you feel the loss of something you never had? Can you really desire something you have never known? Is it really loss if you never actually had it to lose? I think so. That speaks to how powerful they are and how/why they drive us. I think that is part of what makes our true desires conscious.

What do you think?

I think the loss is very real. The relationship of the parent you never had. Or the child. Or the life. However, just like everything in life, there is a flip side to this coin. Not all loss is bad or negative. Loss can be good. It is, you know, part of the circle of life. Even this change averse gal can admit that. The feeling of loss is powerful in a good way when you no longer desire something that is harmful to you, for instance. Whether it is a person or a group of people or a thing or an idea. Does not matter.

I guess it is all of a piece. Maybe they are the same. The negative feeling of loss of something at first and then you grow and your perspective changes, making the loss positive in light of your changed desires.

I feel like I am quickly going down a hole into accounting.

I will confess that I have desires that I will not speak out loud, for fear of anyone experiencing the loss with me. I guess what it really boils down to is the shame that fear is creating.

I used to have a desire to be a famous horseman that other people looked to. Now, all I want to be famous from each of my horses’ perspectives. To be the best I can be for them. To be a real horseman. My perspective changed. That is something they have taught me through the grace of God.

I used to think I had it all figured out. I had a plan for my career and life. I desired certain things and I felt like I knew how to make them happen. Now, I feel like those desires are slipping away and I am discovering that I am letting them go. Has my perspective changed? I think it is changing. I am not there yet. New desires are not quite there yet. Do I feel loss? I do not know. I think in the beginning I did. Sometimes I feel lost and alone.

Does any of that make sense? Do you ever feel the same? What are your desires?

Far too much introspection for a Friday.

They are predicting rain all weekend, so here is hoping I get some ride time in. I can not complain though since the weather has been absolutely amazing.

Walk in love, dear readers, and have a great weekend. I am walking in faith trying to figure out the desires of my heart in my true self.

Too much? Oh well.

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Be Gracious.

Today I am starting to really feel better! For those of you just now tuning in, I have been sick with a nasty upper respiratory something or other for the past week. It really got me down. I have not missed any work, but the end of every day pretty much left me totally spent. Today was the first day I was able to wake up at my normal time and not be totally exhausted.

Last night Darcy Doolittle and I met up with a friend (who I have not seen in FOREVER because she has been off being awesome and because life) at a local ice house to catch up, have a couple beers, and eat some tacos from a taco truck. Nothing says comfort food to me like tacos! Seriously. Do not give me soup. I want tacos. Confession. I LOVE tacos. Anyway, I think that visit, even more than the tacos, gave me the final boost I needed to start really feeling better. I felt like a new person this morning.

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A friend of mine shared this on the ‘book of face’ this morning and I saved it for myself for later reference because I liked it. A few short minutes ago I received an email from another dear friend of mine who I email with regularly to keep in touch and up to date on life’s goings ons when we do not get to see each other. She was telling me about a conversation she had that was full of negativity that left her feeling negative and down. About how it can be hard to shake that off.

I then decided to share this with her and with all of you. Since it spoke to me and felt like it would help her, I am sure someone else needs to hear it too! It can be hard to not let someone else’s negative view of the world affect you and bring you down to that level or get caught up in it yourself. I know because I struggle with it.

Try to be a source of positivity to those around you today with me. Do not engage in the spreading of negativity. It can be like a disease that robs the life out of you. A kind word or gesture goes a long way. You will be amazed by the change that takes place, not only to those around you, but within yourself.

Walk in love, dear readers! Have a great Thursday!