Our Love & Our Souls

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Breaking news, it is warming up. We are out of blanket territory for a while. Now I can buckle down for Christmas.

Your AHAmoment today is brought to you by Sean McConnell. His song ‘Our Love and Our Souls’ is what IT is all about. He says it better than I ever could. Have a listen below. It is an amazing feeling when a song like this pops up on your shuffle and just speaks to your soul. You may not have been paying attention before, just looking out the window, lost in your thoughts or following that long white line. Then all of a sudden, you snap to and realize He is speaking right to you. If you are me, you listen to it on repeat, so grateful to listen and be receptive to the message.


“Sometimes it all comes down at once
Sometimes when it rains it pours
But I wouldn’t trade my troubles for any one of yours
Cause money’s just money
It comes and it goes
And things are just things baby
So breakable
Ain’t nothing lasts forever except our love and our souls
Cause I ain’t that hungry
And I have a home
I ain’t fighting for my life
And I’m not alone
So may I pray every morning
As I make up the bed
‘Lord, all I need today is my daily bread'”

Thanks, Doug Morrison, on YouTube for the vid.

Walk in love, dear readers.

Grocery shopping today after work for Christmas! Wish me luck! Cranberry sauce, Pomegranate cake, and pumpkin bread. Then wrapping all the presents for my loved ones.

Sweatpants on my head?

I am sure you all know by now, it is COLD. Before we get into that, here is your dose of happy for today. I was able to snap these pics before the cold came. I had a very hard time keeping that hat on in 20 mph+ winds. Merry Christmas from Petunia the donkey! She seemed to like being a Christmas donkey. I was also able to fit in a short ride on Cheetah when the wind was not as bad. I am working on a plan to get me riding more. It is still in progress.

Darcy was a happy pup this weekend. Look at that smile!

The blistery cold for us started late, late Saturday night/Sunday morning. It was almost 80 deg. F. when I went to sleep Saturday evening. I woke up in the middle of the night to blanket Apache and throw extra hay for everyone to stay warm. I woke up this morning to 28 deg. and 19 deg. wind chill. Darcy’s new favorite game is to play with the broken ice from the water troughs. I will let your mind go with that one as it was too dark to get any photos…and this Texas gal felt like she was going to loose her fingers!

I also forgot to pack real winter things. You know, like a beanie and scarf, for starters. Not sure what I was thinking. Clearly I was not. It got cold and I needed to do something, so I took the pair of sweatpants that thankfully I did pack, put them on my head, and wrapped the legs around my chin and neck. I will pause for a laughing break…no, I do not take selfies…finished yet?…how about now? It worked quite well and the horses do not care when I look like a loon. Have you ever had to improvise like that?

Anyway, I told a friend about my packing flaws and she laughed as she told me she did not think I would do something like that. Out of character for someone as ‘organized’ as me. It reminded me, out of the blue, of this story.

My brother in law…brother in law B (eldest sister’s husband) is a man of many talents. One of those many talents is building fishing rods. I am not talking your average, every day rod. These are beautiful, extremely light pieces of art that have extreme feel and technical precision.

When I graduated from undergrad, my father gave me one of his rods as a gift. It had my school’s colors and symbol on it. I loved it and could not wait to wet a line. My first chance to try it out was on a family trip to the place where we grew up fishing. The first night we fished under the lights off the dock. We caught and released several little trout before I finally caught a nice sized keeper. Bubbling with happiness, I all but bounced down the dock to store the fish in the cooler on our boat. This is where it gets…interesting. As I was stepping onto the boat, the fish lurched in my hand and caused me to throw my rod carrying hand out for balance. Just as I did, I smacked the tip of the rod on the t-top of the boat and broke it in two. It still hurts my feelings to think about it! By admonition, I almost began crying.

A little while after, I was catching up with a friend from school. I told him the whole story, in riveting detail and that I was still upset about it. I am sure you can imagine it. When I was finished, he turned to me and told me that he was happy to hear that things like that happen to a person like me.

What does that even mean? A person like me? He went on to explain how he actually thought that ‘things like that’ did not happen to ‘people like me’ that ‘have everything together.’ Like I do not have hard times. Protected by some mythical force. I always thought he knew me better than that! I am apparently not as open of a book as I thought.

Everyone has their own trials and tribulations (me included! Just read back!). Stuff happens. Big and small. To everyone. AHAmoment. No matter who you are, where you are from, or what it looks like on the outside. It just goes to show you how our subconscious tries to make people think that we have everything together on the outside and that everything goes the way we planned. Everyone gets wrenches in their plans! Fear of judgement. Our focus is on the wrong thing! It is the same on social media, but that is another story for another day. It is not our place to judge. Only one has that right.

Until next time, walk in love, dear readers.

Stay tuned for Christmas baking and cooking! It is going to be a busy week!

Fear

Fear creates a hole in your heart. In your soul. AHA moment. What am I afraid of? I am afraid of the unknown. Of not being ‘successful.’ Of disappointing my parents. That I am doing the wrong thing. That on the outside, it looks like I do not have it all together. That I will spend my life alone. That I will wake up one day and have regrets. That there will be a time in my life where riding does not fit in.

This is extremely hard for me to admit. I have spent my life, I think mostly unknowingly, trying to convince everyone that I can do anything and everything on my own without help from anyone. Where does that come from? Not the Lord, I can tell you. I can not do it on my own and it is utterly apparent to me now. No one is immune to this. Fears are not conquered alone, no matter how hard you try.

What are you afraid of?

Thanks to Paul Overstreet – Topic on YouTube for the vid.

I am thankful for everything that He does with me, for me, and through me. I know that I am never alone because He is always there, helping me walk my path. I can conquer anything with Him.

Walk in love, dear readers.

Feed Your Flame

Your AHA moment for today is brought to you by The Exquisite Equine. I have mentioned Emily’s blog on here once before. This where IT is at. What IT is all about. I could not have said it better myself. Can you see the metaphor and message for life itself?

Be yourself. Do not compare yourself to anyone else. Do not try to fit yourself into a box. You are uniquely and divinely made in His image. Speak to your intuition. Feed your flame.

Horses have shown me their flames to have me see mine. I see God in them and He teaches me through them. The horses feed my flame, show me my true self, and keep me honest. When everything appears to be blowing up in life, like it feels right now, they remind me what is important.

What feeds your flame???

“When you connect with yourself and nature, you can see that you’ve had everything all along. Everything: the answers, the peace, the harmony, the joy, the happiness, the love…it has all been inside of you all along. What other people say and do and think, well it just really doesn’t matter much. Trust your horse to be your wisest teacher, trust your gut to lead you in the right direction, and trust yourself that everything you need is already within you.” Thank you, Emily, for being you!

Connect with nature and yourself, for they are things that He has made. I trust the horse because they are God’s creatures. I have everything I need within me because He put it there. I am grateful for it.

I can not wait to get out to the farm after work today. I need all the time with them I can get. The cold weather is coming in and I have to put extra feed out and blanket old man Apache.

Walk in love.

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Getting into the Spirit.

I have finally finished the Christmas decorations at my parents house. It took me way longer than normal 3d4fe84470994b9f872f56b306727792817f5428f6b4afeec3b45e5877920d71because I have had a case of the bah humbugs. I will not go on about this because I want them gone and I have already versed y’all. I am going to focus on the good and positive right now. One step at a time. I will say the decorating helped along with the Christmas music. I confess, I also had some bubbly. Why not? It is the season to celebrate the waiting for Christ. If you are having a case of the bah humbugs, get to decorating while playing your favorite Christmas music. Baking also helps. Christmas cookies! Pumpkin bread! Oh, and look here for some cute photos of my critters getting into the spirit. I snapped a few photos of the finished look to help inspire you if you need it. I am also going to share my favorite Christmas songs/music if you need or want help in that department.

Let us not talk about how the table is not in the middle. Look at that Darcy dog being fire side bird dog. Such a Llew.

The reason for the season…

Vince Gill (hello, his voice) is a great go to for Christmas music. Chris Isaak (again, his voice. Yowza) and Aaron Neville (is this a theme? His voice. So soulful) are also very good. I first heard Mindy in store while shopping. I went up to the register and asked someone to go find out who was singing. Why I did not use my iPhone I do not know.

Eden’s Edge has a very good version of ‘O Holy Night’ that I can not find on YouTube.

I have many more that are high on my list, I just can not name them all at the moment.

Check out my Spotify playlist for more.

Happy listening. Remember the reason for the season.

What are your favorites?

 

Whispers

Do you ever feel as if you have missed the…whisper? You know, like the memo or the signs? I keep getting this nagging feeling that I missed as the whispers God was sending me. Is He yelling at me now?  I think it might feel like yelling. Has it escalated to that because I keep missing the message?

I always saw myself as a person who could see and hear those things. Metaphors and points are not generally lost on me. Now I am not so sure. Has the gentle tapping on my shoulder turned into a bag of flying bricks? What do those bricks look like? All of a sudden, relatively speaking, I feel as if I have turned into a strictly literal person who has missed the message.

How do I know what His path is for me? How narrow is it? I do not think it is too narrow to miss it, but I do not feel like I am doing the right thing with my ‘life’s work.’ That sounds so grand and great. My career. Why can’t I just buckle down and work my way through this? I am a hard worker by nature. Here I do not feel that way. I know the path is more circuitous in nature, rather than straight. Am I just on a really big bend right now? What does He want me to learn in this?

So many questions and feelings right now.

What are your thoughts?

Walk in love. I can only walk right now. One step at a time.

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The Aftermath

Have you ever thought about the word ‘aftermath’ and actually looked up the definition? That word came to me this morning of this new day after my Uncle’s funeral service.

A cold front blew in yesterday during the service and it is chilly today. I am now emotionally exhausted after the last 2 days. What comes now is the real hard part I imagine. That is what people say. We are in the aftermath of this terrible, awful event and now that the service is complete we have to find the ‘new normal.’ I think I really dislike that word, normal. What is normalcy?

I do not want to talk about normal because it does not exist, I do not think, but I do want to talk about aftermath. Have you ever looked it up? I just did:


Merriam Webster:
1. a second-growth crop —called also rowen
2:  consequence, result <stricken with guilt as an aftermath of the accident>
3:  the period immediately following a usually ruinous event <in the aftermath of the war>
Origins: Aftermath dates to the late 1400s and was originally an agricultural term. Its two parts are transparent—but only if you’re familiar with an ancient word math that is now used only in British dialectal English and that means “a mowing of a grass or hay crop” and also refers to the crop that is gathered. The original aftermath came, of course, after the math: it was historically the crop of (usually) grass cut, grazed, or plowed under after the first crop of the season from the same soil. It wasn’t until the mid-late 1600s that aftermath developed its other meanings, both of which are now far more common than the first.
Synonyms: aftereffect, effect, backwash, child, conclusion, consequence, corollary, development, fate, fruit, issue, outcome, outgrowth, precipitate, product, result, resultant, sequel, sequence, upshot
Related Words: ramification; denouement (also dénouement), echo, implication, repercussion; afterclap, afterglow, aftershock; blowback, by-product, fallout, offshoot, ripple, side effect (alsoside reaction), spin-off

Dictionary.com:
noun
1something that results or follows from an event, especially one of adisastrous or unfortunate nature; consequence: the aftermath of war; the aftermath of the flood.
2a new growth of grass following one or more mowings, which may begrazed, mowed, or plowed under.
Origins1515-25; after + math a mowing, Old English mǣth; cognate with Old HighGerman mād (German Mahd); akin to mow1
Synonyms: outcome, result, upshot.


Is that not interesting? Two completely different meanings. I only ever thought of it in a negative light. I never knew about the agricultural derivation. There are two sides to every coin and this word has two sides. Well, really, it is like a coin spinning on the counter like a top. This life, this world, and everything in/on it is continuously revolving and evolving. Life keeps going whether you move your feet or not. The plants keep growing and changing with every season just like us. Everything comes full circle on their own timelines. You cut the grass, gather the crop, and it grows back anew with new life. That crop feeds the stock. With fire or torrential storms comes new growth. With death comes birth. That is the light and the life. Look at the synonyms in the Merriam Webster definition: child, fruit, outgrowth. AHA moment.

I have been struggling with the why and the questions without answers (I admit most of my prayers have been for my Aunt and Cousins). The why does not matter and the answers are not there. That is for God. We must however, look for Him, His light, and His will in all things. I do not believe that God wanted my Uncle to die in this way. I do believe that it was not my Uncle that did that. He was sick and not in his right mind. He was not treating his illness. I do believe that God was there with my Uncle at all times. He could not see Him there with him.

How can we see the good that can come out of this? He was a man of God. This I know with all my heart. He was a CPA in both his career and in his faith. He was a Certified Public Accountant. He was also certified by God, Public in his faith, and gave his personal Account of God (I took that part from the service, and it is all true). We will never know, in this realm, why this happened. I know he is survived by his siblings, his wife, his three children, and his three grandchildren. There has been new life. Those babies. AHA moment. We must all be certified by God, public in our faith, and tell our account for the children. Children are resilient and and have full faith and trust. We need to learn to be like that as the adult children of God and show the kids the right path. He is our Faithful Father. Trust in Him and leave our burdens with Him. We all have so little understanding and this earthly life, however hard, is short.

This story, however hard, can also save somebody’s life. It is not a dirty secret to be kept in a closet next to that itchy sweater your cousin once removed knitted for you that your mother makes you wear and you wish you could burn. It must be told to those worthy of hearing. You never know who is currently or has dealt with this exact same thing and has felt alone. No person is alone here and we all have a story. We all have more in common than anyone wants to believe. Be proud of who you are where you come from. It makes you who you are. We are all divinely and uniquely made in HIS vision.

Please share your story.

Harvest the crop and fruit from the bad and grow the new life into good.

Lead with love, dear readers. LOVE.

 

Today

Today I must attend the visitation of my Uncle. The service is tomorrow. I am charged with being by my Aunt’s side to be her support. She has lost her support of forty years. A week ago today, almost to the hour, my Uncle committed suicide. I can not believe that I am saying this, but it happened. It is not a secret. It just is. Life is still going and moving on. Until now I had only told three people. We are survivors. I have a whole new feeling about that word.

We are still in shock and are gathered together. We are all here: Grandparents, Parents, Aunts, Uncles, Brothers, Sisters, Sons, Daughters, Nieces, Nephews, Grandchildren, Friends.

It does not compute in my brain. To be perfectly honest, I am not quite sure what my feelings are beyond utter sadness. Yes, he was depressed, but no one knew the severity had reached this point. He would not talk about it. We are not an out of touch group. There are no answers.

We all need prayers for peace and strength. To feel His presence. Come Holy Spirit.

Go hug your people and tell them you love them. Let them know that they are not alone. You are not alone. Love them and yourself. AHA moment. It is hard to find the AHA moments in times like this, but they are there. Thank the Lord for this life and find the hope in prayer.

The communication needs to start here. Mental illness (is that politically correct?) is not something to hide or be ashamed of. It is an illness that needs to be treated like cancer or anything else. It is more common than most people think.

I would rather be telling you about how I had wonderful rides this weekend. I just hugged the horses and Darcy, breathed them in like oxygen. They can feel it. Man, I am so grateful for them. They are healing.

I will be singing this on repeat today. I know I shared it with y’all yesterday, but I am going to share it again.


“The rising of the sun, burn away my sorrow
Chase away the night, and pull me to tomorrow
Fill in every part of my heart that is hollow”

 

 

How do I title this?

I am not even sure where to begin today. I am in a fog and in shock. I am full of questions that the answers do not really matter in the big picture. I have been acting almost as if nothing has happened since I found out yesterday afternoon. It is shear shock. I cleaned out the pantry because I just could not sit. I would have to take sitting breaks because I would get weak. I was actually, physically sick. I stayed home from work. I would scroll through the ‘book of face’ and the blogging sphere ‘liking’ and commenting like it was any other day. Who am I? I have only told one person.

Yesterday was a day my family and I will never forget. I am not sure we should even if we could. I can not elaborate much more than that for now. One day, you will know the story. For now, I just can not. It feels like a bad dream that we will not figuratively wake up from for a long time. If I ever thought that any of my troubles were big or a lot to handle, they are all trivial now. This has been a hard year full of wtf WTF. Pardon my language. There is really no other way to put it.

I am asking for prayers. Prayers to lean into Him in this time of tragic loss. I just took a big breath having said that. Literally. Prayers to grow in our faith and to grow together in this time of need. Prayers for strength and peace. Prayers for understanding. Any inkling of understanding.

To say such a thing is unfathomable. How will we ever understand. That feels more like a statement or rhetorical question rather than an actual question. I am not sure it is for us to understand in this earthly realm.

I pray that He can speak through me for them.

We will never know why things like this happen. Our time here on earth is so short. Hug your loved ones and tell them you love them. I am grateful for my family and friends, my horses in the pasture, my dog in the house, and that there is a bunch of cooking that needs to be done. Life goes on whether or not we are moving with it.

Lead with love today and always. Thank you for being here and being you.

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