Alas, here we are, at the beginning of another month. Several days in, actually. It feels spring as sprung, as they say. The Bluebonnets and Indian Paintbrushes have arrived. They are the first of the wildflowers to show their colors. The Bluebonnets in particular are only here for a short time, so one must get out and enjoy them while they are here! I have not taken a close look at the Pecan trees though, they are the real tell on if we are here for good. The grass has really turned on which I always love to see. And, the horses are in real shedding mode, another thing I love to see! There is nothing more satisfying or exciting. Especially since we are knocking on Daylight Savings’ door. One week and we are really in business for more riding.
Anyway.
Time is relatively just flying right on by as evidenced by the fact that I have again not written to you in over a month. As I utter those words here I cringe. That is about as riveting a topic as the weather, and yet, here we all are, continuing to discuss them! One may ask why do we keep bringing it up? Is not there anything better to discuss? To be perfectly frank, many times there is not anything better or safer to discuss with darkness and negativity ever at the forefront. However, that very point is the lovely thing about time and weather. Intertwined they are like infinity. One does not exist without the other. They are ever present. They are one of the things that controls us, that brings us back down to the ground, and reminds us that we are only mere humans. As time staunchly marches forward and the globe makes its revolutions, the weather does the same from one season to the next. From one leads to the other. From the dark and cold reflectiveness of winter bursts forth a bright, young spring, beaming with light and life. The light of the sun and moon are always there regardless of the darkness of the clouds. And again, no matter how dark the clouds are, the clouds are what bring the rain, and the rain is what brings the life and the light.
I suppose the point of all of that rambling, the AHA moment, is do not let the darkness get you down. Between the world and the people, there is very little we have control over. People are going to disappoint you. You will disappoint you. Other circumstances will disappoint you. That disappointment, or any other word, is on you. What you do have control over is you. The negativity and darkness are always going to be around, but if you look for the light and focus on it, you will begin to embody it. You will begin to emit it. Try every day to just block out what is not light, what is not truth, what does not bring you joy. Those other things are not for you. It is like that saying, you are what you eat. Garbage in, garbage out. The laws of attraction. What you focus on is what grows. It becomes easy to lessen judgement and follow the golden rule we are all taught as children. To treat others as you wish to be treated. To only say nice things and not just nothing at all.
Stand up as a light against the darkness and fight for the truth. Let it grow like the spring. Take a deep breath.
The question came from a long time family friend. She has watched me and my two sisters grow up over the years.
She saw me run wild as a little person with equally wild hair in a fuchsia pink jump suit with a trim around the collar and cuffs of jingling jewels. With matching socks to boot (thanks, mom! Perfect fishing gear I dare say). Likely with some kind of high-top sneakers. She also watched me nap on the couch in that get up, probably smeared with fish slime and scales. There is photo evidence in south Texas where a piece of my heart resides. At least of the napping. No, I did not get a copy of that to share, although I think I should have.
She has also watched us learn how to fish over the years. Watched us do stupid things too I am sure. I remember one specific trip where we were catching fish after fish off the dock when we were not out on the boat. We would run upstairs, with the poor innocent fish dangling from the hook and dripping salt water on the ground, to excitedly swing the doors of the clean and cool clubhouse open and ask Pops what kind of fish it was. We would then run back downstairs, with the fish still there dangling and dripping decidedly less salt water on the ground, to return the poor creature to its home. I remember catching many new to me species that trip.
But, no, I have not stopped blogging. I have just been, I guess, taking a break.
The truth is, I have not had the right frame of mind to write. I have hated it. I have several pieces of blogs started. Several ‘stream of consciousness-es’ written down. It is like a symptom of the year 2020, for more than just myself. Everyone I speak to seems to feel the same. I just have had a hard time finding anything to say that seemed meaningful and additive with everything that has been going on in the world. It has felt important to be and live in the moment. Be more than present.
Anyway, I have missed you my dear readers and I have gathered up a stream of consciousness AHAmoments blabber covering the last quarter of 2020 just for you. Lucky you! Or, probably more accurately, a bunch of stories that should likely be their own posts, but alas…We have not spoken in a long time!
I feel like I am playing Pollyanna’s game right now with this. I am watching Pollyanna right this very minute. I am not lying. I can not make this stuff up. As you will read here in a minute it is flooding outside and I am watching Pollyanna. And I just so happen to be subconsciously playing her game! Gotta chuckle at that one.
Life in or out of 2020 will deal you some interesting cards combined with the curve balls, but it is up to us to see the positive and the light while continuing to play those cards! So, starting with the first curve ball…
Life is interesting. I can say that until I am blue in the face. And I have. Those that have been around here a while have heard me say that many times. We will all find ourselves experiencing the same things at one point or another. That is something to remember. The AHAmoment in it all. We are all more alike than any of us know and are all living in this same life. And there is good that comes out of it all. Now and at the end of the day.
You will lose your job (blessedly!) and you will find yourself landing in another, much happier space. Where you are appreciated and valued. Doing good work. That was at the beginning of July.
Life, especially the year 2020 chapter (did I not already write this blog post?!?), often can feel like one thing after another. One bad thing after another bad thing. When one door closes, indeed many things open if your eyes are open to seeing.
The question our dear family friend asked me came at the beginning of a much needed fishing trip at one of my favorite places with my parents and it made me a little sad when it hit me. It was a longing sadness, like that you have for a long lost friend.
That was at the end of July. We had a great trip with soul striking sunrises/sunsets, casting, fish catching/releasing/eating, boating with the dolphins, and even a beach trip, but we had to cut it short by more than a day to quite literally out run the incoming Hurricane Hanna.
We awoke early and were on the road in the dark before 6 AM. It is a good thing we did. It rained most of the drive back to the farm. We walked in the door and got everything unloaded before the next bands of rain came. As we watched from the safety of the indoors, we were blessed with one of the most amazing things I have ever seen.
A complete rainbow. With both ends planted and rooted right there on our farm. Can you even imagine that? Have you ever seen a complete rainbow where you could see both ends intersect the ground? I could have gone to both ends out there in the rain!
Even more interesting and amazing? How many times can I write amazing in one sitting?! WE SAW THE EXACT SAME RAINBOW A FEW WEEKS LATER!
If that is not a sign, I do not know what one is.
You will rebuild your fences finally after all the floods and trees will fall down on them.
That was in August. An outer tail band of Hurricane Laura swept seemingly unceremoniously over us. I swear it was just one quick blow. We had no other weather!
Goodbye pretty fence. It was nice having your around. You have now joined the ranks of all the other seasoned fences.
You will clean it up (when it finally cools down), have firewood for the winter, and rebuild the fence again. Hopefully you will do it quicker than the last time.
Your best mare will injure herself somehow, on her own, in the season she gets off to be a pasture fluff. My blessed girl got a slight tare in her right front check ligament. Which is only half the story because she has a mystery lameness on the left front.
That is all I can say about this at the moment. It makes me kind of sick at the moment. She will heal with time.
The ligament looked good her her recheck.
Every storm is not going to be destructive. Remember the rain is necessary for growth. It is currently raining and flooding outside, go figure 2020. How many beers and microphones do you have in your Mary Poppins carpet bag? Well, we needed the rain.
When the water goes down, which it will as it always does, it will be lovely. The start of a good fall with good grass. We can finally feel fall coming here in Texas. And oh boy, I could not be more ready for fall and everything it entails. As everyone is aware, this year is unlike any other year that I can remember in my short life, and there was no leading into fall this year. No time to get ready. That is OK! It is here with all of its wonder and glory!
Even still, with all of this, that, and the other, the wonders of this world and this life never seem to cease. You will give a gift to a beautiful soul who shows you without any question how much that gift is appreciated.
For a person like myself, there are not many things sweeter that that.
In truth, this gift was slightly self serving. I wanted it for myself as well. To complete the farm spa experience.
Just imagine being in the heat of this Texas summer. You are…gleaming! Yes, gleaming, from a magical ride on your fairy tail horse in the bright, humid, sticky, steamy, and leaning towards suffocating air blooming out of the mid morning.
Your skin is primed for the next treatment of dirt and cut grass from mowing until it is too hot to do anything else. Now you are even hotter, stickier, beyond thirsty, and your eyes are puffy and watering from the mowing. Perfect timing and conditions for the final treatment.
This is how hot. Sweat on your eyelids hot.
In the pool you go with an umbrella cocktail! With or without a Merle dog (he apparently prefers to have the pool to himself)! The height of luxury. You have no idea how good it feels. It is like nothing else in the world.
And here we are. Do you feel a change in the air? Like more than just a change in the season?? Is it just me willing a change for 2020 into existence? Either way, all of this will soon be behind us!
Do not isolate yourself! Reach out in any way you can! It is good for your soul.
Lito and I got out and had a ride with friends. Oh how we have missed that. We have another outing planned for October. It may not be our normal October adventure, but we are just as excited for it.
Walk in love, dear readers!
P.S. Look how grown up this boy is! And, he apparently still has his mohawk!
I can not skip it. You have to hear this and soak it in.
It made me smile.
So, take a load off for four minutes and thirty six seconds. A less than five minute break. Yes, I realize it is not even nine in the morning. Shh. Get another cup of coffee or treat yourself to a tea with lemon.
I’m going down on the Nueces River Gonna call my brother, ask him to meet me there On the surface will be two men fishing Down below we are brothers with a love to share
I’m gonna lay my burdens down now Gonna ask the Lord to watch them a while I’m gonna walk where the sun is shining I’ll be home when I have found a smile
There is a salt cedar tree that I know of It can take a breeze and make a melody I’m gonna climb up in those branches And ask if it would whisper its secrets to me
I’m gonna lay my burdens down now Gonna ask the Lord to watch them a while I’m gonna walk where the sun is shining I’ll be home when I have found a smile
There’ll come a time when the world is level There was a time when the mountains grew Then there is all that is here in the middle And how it’s spent is up to me and up to you
I’m gonna lay my burdens down now Gonna ask the Lord to watch them a while I’m gonna walk where the sun is shining I’ll be home when I have found a smile
~Max Stalling
Are you smiling?
Walk in love, dear readers, where the sun is shining.
These indeed are trying times for all, in more ways than just this ‘rona business.
Hey, gotta keep it light and positive. It is what we do here!
In all seriousness though, we all got down to the basics pretty dang quick. Writing got shoved to the back burner and then right off the back of the stove all together.
Certainly not because I did not want to write to you!
We packed up food and other necessities and went to our safe place, the farm. I have been living here now with my family for over two weeks. Logging in remotely and working (which has been frustrating). Crossing farm chores and projects off the list (feels amazing). Cooking and baking. And, of course, soaking up all the horse time and riding I can.
I will not get into everything that Covid-19 entails or the politics or anything that everyone is talking about. All the things that have been right in front of us for weeks. It is very likely that I, along with many others, will be without my job soon because of the oil prices. I do not think there is anyone who is not feeling the weight of this in some way or another (hey howdy, you’re not alone!!!). I know I have not been immune to it. It is all just heavy no matter what. We have been taking periodic breaks from it all by turning off the news, not getting onto social media, and doing farm things. Only checking in and updating every couple of days. I have gotten into the habit of just leaving my phone and not being available (liberating).
Even still, I feel even more blessed for the beauty all around me. It makes it easy to celebrate every day. All I have to do is look up. And you know what, it is the same for you! Just look up…or out.
Mother Nature and the change of seasons. We got a bunch of rain on Saturday (praise the Lord! For this and many other things!) which will grow some good grass for the stock and get a good start on our vegetable garden. The wildflowers. The birds frolicking. Our home bred heifers and their first calves. Family time. Being conscious to live simply. My horses, of course, because a horse is a horse of course!
Want to see just what I have been up to when I am not working? Well, have a look. Get a dose. Take a breath. Get some inspiration, dear readers!
Our lovely heart hole oak tree has its heart hole again! This is my favorite tree. I know I might have said that about some other trees before, but this is really and truly my favorite. Did you miss why? Well, you can find out here.
You want to see what else? If you look off in the distance past the heart hole by the pond, you can see the pecan trees starting to get their leaves (and progressively through all these photos). Like I said, they always get their leaves. This year seems early, but spring as a whole did come early. Every year is its own.
We have had many many caterpillars. So cool.
More walks with Lito, I tell you, are good for everything.
Rides on my Cheetah are also good for everything. With or without wildflowers.
New mammas and babies.
The lush river bottom. Just look at those baby blues and that light. This is such a special place and holds so many memories for all of us. We would spend hours down here as kids. I used to ride my childhood mare, Fresca down here on hot summer afternoons. I would let her eat all her favorites. A little walk down here the other day with Pops and Cousin W turned into a couple of hours talking about trees and grasses and wildlife. Good for everything.
Lots of baking! These are my special chocolate chip cookies. I have also made molasses cookies and raspberry crumble muffins. Mamma has been making muffins and cookies (and so much other good food in addition to everyone else). Sister K has also made muffins! It is only a matter of time before pumpkin and banana bread are made.
More riding.
Watching sunrises.
And sunsets.
Having Petunia snuggles.
Projects and chores and more! This implement has been here since we bought the place, 22 years ago! It was the last remaining thing from the previous owners. There used to be a tree living in the middle of it. The tree finally died and we finally cleared enough brush from around and within it to get it hauled out. Quite a thing really!
We watched weather and spring unfold. Keep watching those pecan trees!
This is usually my view from my ‘remote office.’
Just look at those pecan tree leaves.
Do you recognize that specific tree?
If you do recognize it, you should, for you have seen it before! I guess it is my second favorite tree. Certainly my most favorite pecan tree!
More wildflowers! We get some bluebonnets and indian paintbrushes along the road here but we get a lot of these all around our place.
More caterpillars! A Monarch!
More sunsets.
More weather. This was an early morning walk with coffee before sitting down on the computer to work.
Of course, more sunrises.
Wondering where my Merle man is? Fear not, he has been off at hunting camp learning. Just have a look. I miss him terribly and the last few weeks without him have been very difficult, but I am so proud of him and he has been doing very well. I am counting down the days till he is back home where he belongs.
So much to celebrate, dear readers, even in these, dare I say, uncertain times. Look up, stay positive, be a light. Keep the faith.
Share what you have been up to!
Walk in love, dear readers. Keep an eye on the Facebook page for some past AHAmoments uplifting reads!
I was at the farm a couple weeks ago strolling past a special pecan tree while my Merle and I were on a walk. Really they are all special trees just because, but this one is unique.
It is under this special tree’s far reaching branches that offer a favorite shady summer napping spot for all the horses, and myself on occasion, where the final resting places for our old horses lie. Our original heard. All back together. Mansebo was put to sleep under that very tree on a beautiful, sunny day. Indeed under this very tree is my Darcy girl. Her final resting place after a final dip of the paws in the pond to get farm dirty like she liked (I do not know if that will ever stop punching me in the gut).
My niece took a nap under this tree on a a special day.
So, this is a special pecan tree, obviously, and I generally take special notice of it.
A few years ago it got struck by lightning on a windy and stormy fateful night in late March. I remember the following morning I was feeling anxious and worried as I not so patiently waited for Cheetah to go into labor. I wanted to meet my Lito man! I was riding Ike bareback before I left the farm to go visit Cheetah at the barn she was at to foal out.
Anyway, as I rode under this pecan tree I discovered the previous night’s damage. It appeared extensive and I was immediately saddened. The visible strike ran from the base of the trunk all the way up and out one of the branches to the very tip. On I rode with a sigh and was off to visit my Cheetah.
As the years went by, like they tend to do, I continued to observe that lightning strike on that pecan tree. It eventually morphed and healed into a scar from an open wound. It eventually became part of that tree. Somebody not privileged enough to know that tree’s story might think it grew up just like that. With a unique mark like a person’s hair color or a birth mark, adding to its very beauty.
So. Here is the AHAmoment for you.
Ya, you there.
Brought to you straight from a wise pecan tree.
Have you been feeling fragile lately? On edge? Cracked or about to? Or full on broken? Struck from top to toe?
Last time I checked, broken crayons still color (and hey, I would know. I am a geologist. I color for a living!)! Not only that, they are still colorful and bright as are their drawings! Have you ever even seen all the things you can do with broken crayons? It is fascinating. Really. Go get on Pinterest and just look at all the things you can do.
What about those cracks you say? Here is the thing about those. They let the light in, my friends! For you and everyone else. Let your light shine! Shine out the darkness!
A while back (as in just about the beginning) here on AHAmoments in desperation for positivity, I shared a Japanese tradition about how broken objects are repaired.
Is that not cool?! I have a broken ceramic pot on my patio (thanks, Merle!) that I am going to glue back together. I am then going to paint the cracks gold and remember the beauty.
Just like that special pecan tree, your lighting strike will heal and make you more beautiful and wise than you were before. You will keep on coloring like those broken crayons and you will create a masterpiece. Your golden cracks will be your crown. Have the faith. Embrace it and shine that light. In our weaknesses we are made strong!
Do not be afraid. Fear, no matter how seemingly small or insignificant, is no way to solve a problem or live a life.
Know what is in your heart and have faith. Stand your ground against the dark and fight for what you know is true. Pray about it and then let it go.
It is not about how much faith or having enough faith. Faith alone. Period. A drop of faith is all you need. An ounce. Or, rather, a mustard seed.
When the wolves bring in the darkness, stand up and stand your ground against it. What may seem small at the time will soon grow beyond. Have faith, pray, let it go. Be patient. Be a support to others in addition to yourself. It will all come together. You will see.
“The howlin’ moon would cry
I’d sleep the sun away
I was just a child
I knew I was afraid
There was nothin’ to gain, I found
By runnin’ the other way
I had to stand my ground
And keep the wolves at bay”
Part of learning how to be one of those successful ducks is not letting up on what you know to be right and wrong. AHAmoment. No matter what. No matter what the other guy is doing.
It means holding steadfast to your morals and your ethics in the gray world of today. Doing the right things for the right reasons. Sticking to your guns as they say. Listening to your gut. This is something that has been on my mind recently and is something I have been reminded of several times in the past few weeks. Interestingly enough, I stumbled upon this great little read today and it is the inspiration for today’s AHAmoment. I could not have put it better myself. Go read the whole thing. And then do some more reading. She has some good writings over there!
“Nowadays, the lines between good an evil have become so fuzzy. The world is one giant gray area of differing beliefs and lifestyles.
As someone who still believes in hard lines between right and wrong, I’m often put in a position that I don’t want to be. Making the choice between the easy thing and the right thing.”
It means not lowering yourself to the level of the people who are ‘winning’ right now or who are ‘above’ you right now.
Not letting go of your light and ability to see the colors.
Not questioning your path and journey that is set forth for you.
“What struck me most was “take delight in the Lord, and he will GIVE YOU THE DESIRES of your heart.”
I think I have read that verse wrong for years. In my shallow little head I thought, so if I desire a black corvette, then surely the Lord will deliver on that right? Or what about that own son of Dash Ta Fame I have been eyeballing?
What I’m realizing now is that the Lord is putting NEW desires in my heart. Righteous desires, real, fulfilling, godly desires that only come from taking delight in Him.
When that transformation happens, my desires to win a gold buckle or a million dollar check slowly fade away and are replaced with the desire to serve, to be a good steward of the horses in my care, to develop my skills, and to add value to other people’s lives.
When those desires are placed at the forefront of my mind, then success will just be a side effect of walking in faith and chasing the godly desires that Jesus puts in my heart.
So whether good or bad people are winning, in the end it doesn’t matter much. Base your success and fulfillment on Godly desires and every day you will be winning at life.”
A lot of things to stir around in your pot of thoughts!
Do you get what I am getting at?
Anyway. Speaking of pots.
I went to the grocery store on the way home from work today in the actual rain. I thought to myself, “self, today feels like a good cooking day.” I strolled on in there got ALL the things I needed to make roasted tomato soup and Shepard’s pie. I was confident I did not need a list.
Well. You can see where this is going I am sure.
I forgot an ingredient I need for both dishes.
Way to go me! That is what I get for not writing a list. I am just not one of those people. One of these days I will learn.
So you know what?!
Tomorrow looks like an even better cooking day than today for this duck!
I will just be dancing in the rain over here until then. Figuratively speaking of course, it is too cold for that.
Let us talk for a minute about light. Y’all know I have a thing for it. That sounds like a funny thing to say, but you get what I mean. Especially there at the farm.
“In nature, light creates the color. In the picture, color creates the light.”
~Hans Hofmann
On Thursday of last week I went out to the farm for a delayed midweek visit because I was going to be out of town over the weekend to attend a baby shower for Sister K. The ground was soup again (or still, I guess) and there was no riding to be had, so I just fed everyone and hung out. Enjoyed the clean, clear, and cool air and the sounds of happily eating animals.
The cows were a bit miffed to only be getting hay to eat. As if they do not live on an all you can eat buffet.
After turning the horses out I walked out into the pasture with them and then on down to the pond. Thinking to myself all the while, “maybe I will get some good sunset shots over the water.”
What a passing thought to have.
You could already tell there was something special in the air that day. In the very light itself. It was like a magnet pulling me in. A veritable beacon. Can you see it there? Down the valley? In the tip of Cheetah’s tail?
I mean. Just look at that mare next to that pecan tree.
This little one was intrigued by me crouching in the grass. Or she just wanted to model. Only she knows the real answer.
I turned back around to see that the horses had meandered down and a gaggle of calves had moved in.
Anyway, I went a little further down, closer to the pond and looked to my left. I raised my phone camera and snapped two pictures.
I just stood there in wonder for a few moments.
Do you see it? In these two photos together? What if you imagined them together, combined into one image? One on top of the other?
Do you see the cross in the light?
I do not even have words for that.
“When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”
~John 8:12
“This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all.”
~1 John 1:5
“The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.”
~John 1:5
“The obviously well kept secret of the “ordinary” is that it is made to be a receptacle of the divine, a place where the life of God flows.”
~Dallas Willard
Ordinary. Extraordinary.
Darcy was feeling it too.
But then again, Darcy is always feeling it. Animals get it.
What a moment.
Thank you for letting me share this moment with you.
