When It Rains

This world has a lot of sayings, many that are often misunderstood. Have you ever heard the one about when it rains?

Something about it pouring?

Ya. I have heard that too. When it rains, it pours. A lot actually. I even use the phrase myself, lightly and in passing, never really giving it much thought. It has a whole new meaning to me now.

It truly is a shame that sometimes, as in right now, my life can not be like a music video. At least there would be some laughing matter.

Yes indeed, something quite like this. This looks lovely, would not you say? Kinda funny.

However, in my particular case these days, when it rains…..

It pours…

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Sorry, I am not really sorry. I do not know how to even say it without trying to make light while my heart is in my throat choking me.

This is my reality. Part of the ‘whole lotta life‘ I have been living. A curve ball so far out of left field, it came from the right, just as the fast ball barreled through the heart of home plate.

I can’t believe I am having to write this. Never did I ever think in a million years this would happen.

I have some not so good news to share. The worst possible kind.

The silent kind.

My Darcy has been diagnosed with cancer.

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What the literal heck fire on God’s green earth?!

My sweet and innocent Darcy girl. Not even six years old.

It is quite advanced and pervasive. Between ultrasound and test results, her current status and lack of appetite, my own research, and separate vet opinions, there is not a viable treatment option.

I am completely gutted. It has taken us by storm, the likes of which I have never before known. Not like a slow creeping hurricane. It feels more than rude and unfair. Human life is hard enough on its own without making the animal lives hard.

I could go on in this manner, and admittedly I have had those moments (completely broke down while driving and again on a restaurant patio with my mom), but we must be strong and positive for her. View the world and live life the way she does. Give her the best of the best. Keep playing. We have not struck out in the game of life.

So.

We celebrate the life we have, every day, and take each day as it comes. I am going to do everything I can to give her the best quality of life possible until it is her time. She can eat whatever she wants to eat, healthy diet out the window. She is going to go with me everywhere possible. We are going to have as much farm time as I can manage. We find a reason (and there are many) to sing a song through it all.

All the prayers, positive thoughts and vibes would be greatly appreciated by us both.

I do not understand this and I do not think I ever will.

Such a happy dog that brings endless joy to every being she encounters. So much greatness must be shared. Her spirit must have a greater calling.

If you have any tried and true proven ways to keep a dog eating, lay them on me. I need more tricks up my sleeve.

There is a life lesson somewhere in here. I am just working on unpacking it.

Walk in love, dear readers, even when it is dang hard. I am taking my time.

 

 

Dry

Hopefully we got some rain at the farm today. It has gotten pretty darn dry. Straight up crunchy. Burnt up, not turnt up. If you catch my drift.

Now, I am not one to complain about it. Especially since that whole drought thing across the state that went on for a good ten years, as drought cycles like to do. We have had a good amount of rain over the last couple of years which has been a pleasant change. Some might argue too much. Not me.

Growing grass for livestock is hard without rain! Just look at that grass. Now, I know it is hard to not admire that majestic giraffe, but look at that brown grass. Granted, that particular spot is a difficult one and is the first to dry up and get bare. It doesn’t ever get really flush with anything. Even those sad little weeds look tired. All that seemingly green back there in the background is a different kind of grass.


The point is, we are praying for rain over here!

Makes it hard to get chores done. Like fix broken water lines…Something I do not like doing and am not really all that good at. Well, I tried to fix it Sunday. I found a break that was easy to fix, but I had a suspicion that it was broken somewhere else too. Well I went to gather the PVC premier and cement so I could fix it where I knew it was broken and see if that would do the job. Naturally, I could not get either of them open (please send all eligible men my way that are good at opening these, or better yet, that are good at fixing water lines so I do not have to. I am good at giving moral support! Just kidding. I think.).

Great. OK. No worries. I will go get some more, it won’t take long. I even sprung for the cleaner. The cashier even gave me a pitiful look at my having to do this on a Sunday. I get back and get it glued back together. While I wait the thirty minutes for it to set, I went to go pack up and clean the house. The thirty minutes ran out, I turned the water back on, and…what do you know…it did not fix it. It is broken somewhere else and I do not know where. I guess we will have to go fishing in the pond, it seems the only logical place…Luckily we have a pond so the situation is not too terribly dire! Except that pasture could use some rest…enough on that though because it is bringing me down.

The dun duo never brings me down though! They are more than carrying on despite the summer doldrums.

I rode my Lito man yesterday morning and he was pretty darn good. A little flamboyant and giraffe like at times (which, too bad there is not any photo or video evidence of that), but he is making progress. He is solidly forward and consistent. Well, he has been for a while now. Anyway, we have started focusing more on straightness and separating his body parts, learning how to move them independently. Lifting his shoulders. Quick learner, he is, and I could not be happier with him. Plans are to take him over to H’s house with R and Ronan for an overnight. Looking forward to good times.

On Saturday I rode Cheetah with a friend and had a red letter day. Side note, the place was actually booked. I usually check the calendar before hauling, but this time I did not like a knucklehead. I showed up at 7 AM, because you know…heat…and realized we might be out of luck. Saturday was our day though and they were gracious and told us where we could ride and be out of the way. We were and are extremely grateful. They didn’t have to do that, but they did. I made a point to send a thank you today. AHAmoment. Tell people when you appreciate something and why!

My friend, T, was running late so we worked in the arena for a while and I put Cheetah through her paces. It has been a while since we have done ‘real work’ and man was she great. Just the right kind of forward. Very adjustable, and on the aids. Really, she did not put a hoof wrong. It felt like we could have gone out and done any class at a horse show and won. When T arrived we rode out for about two hours. Just walking and talking. Great therapy. There is a new obstacle course there and we went through a few of the questions before heading back. I just love this mare! Seriously.

Saturday evening offered up an awesome sunset and the cows were rather docile and friendly…

Having computer problems at work today…Can I go fix the water line now?

Happy Monday!

Walk in love, dear readers!

 

 

Facepalm.

The sun’s predawn light trickled through the blinds as I blinked, reaching for my phone to turn off my alarm. Patting my bedside table, I realized it was not there, but I was still not comprehending. The only thought was why the volume was so loud and how it seemed to slowly get that way. Like it came from afar. My vision finally came to when I saw a dark something on my sheets, very close to my pillow. Strange. What in the world could that be. I did not hear my alarm anymore. I laid there staring. My still asleep mind jumped to a pool of blood. Yes, that is natural. That has to be it. Where could it have come from. My nose? I never get nose bleeds. My ear? Heck if I know. What is it?! How?

I moved my sheet and discovered the rest of the black rectangular shape that was my phone. I dropped my head like a rock on my pillow with a sigh as I began to hear my alarm sing again. Turn that off. I have to get up. Shower. Go be an adult. How I longed for the days of my youth when we got to take naps at school. Why did we fight the naps? Most all kids seem to fight the nap. If only I could tell them not to. If only they knew!

Such a dramatic wake up for a day like Monday! I can not read into that one too much. When I had my appendix taken out, I woke up one night from a nightmare that I bled out. I read somewhere that is common after surgery. Yesterday was somewhat dramatic. I am not sure if that is really the word, but we will go with it.

I can not help but feel that my life lately can be summed up in a single emoji. Something like this…facepalm

Especially yesterday. Ugh. I do not even want to share. But. That is what this is for, right? What IT is about? Sharing our story. Yes. Please tell me I am not alone at the end of this.

I spent the weekend at the farm. Lito started his light trot work and was nice and sound. He seemed to be quite happy to not just be walking and the short 5 min of trot had him slightly breathing. On Saturday, I loaded up Cheetah and rode with some friends who have a place down the road from us. Cheetah was great and we had a grand time. Rode in the morning. Then had mimosas in the shade before spending the afternoon in the pool. We had dinner and I got home a little late but not bad.

I had Sunday all planned. You know what they say about plans, right? Anyway, I woke up without an alarm a little after 6 AM. After trying to will myself into sleeping more, I got up and went to go feed the horses with the dogs. I was dog sitting for some friends over the weekend. I had a leisurely breakfast and read a little with my coffee. I got dressed and took care of some things before taking Lito out for his little bite of exercise. All good. I packed and did some house cleaning, before loading up the dogs to head back before lunch time. I had all afternoon.

I was going to get back to town and drop of the dogs at their home. Then Darcy and I would go on our merry way to our new townhouse and finish moving over the course of the afternoon. We were to spend our first night there. I was excited. I will add that Darcy was excited too just for dramatic effect. We need more of that.

I stopped in the little town right by the farm to fill up before hitting the road. I did my auto pilot thing. You know how you are doing things and do not even realize it because you do them all the time and your mind is off in a different world thinking about other things? Not really in the present? That. I filled up like I always fill my car. MY CAR. Not my dad’s diesel truck.

Yes. you read that correctly.

I could not have felt more stupid. I am not a stupid person. 

I sat in the truck while it filled up completely oblivious to what I had just done. Just waiting. Yelling at Poodie to stop barking at the innocent people walking back to their cars with their drinks and snacks. I heard the pump click off. In a split second my eyes got wide as I got an image in my mind of what I just done. No, surely not. I hope I did not just do that. Don’t freak out just yet. Turn around and look to confirm before you freak out.

That was a wasted second of clear, level thinking. I turned around to see the gas pup innocently resting in the diesel tank of the truck. My head dropped as I took a breath. I returned the pump to its holster and slowly turned around to sit in the truck and think. No one answered their phones. Typical. I called my dad three times. I look up and see I from the feed store! Oh thank you Lord! I waved him over and gave him the run down. He was very happy I did not start the truck. My spirits lightened slightly at that. He gave me our mechanic’s brother’s number who has a tow truck. Then called the mechanic begging for help.

Lucky for me, we are long time customers and they are nice people. I owe a lot of people some homemade cookies. I seemed a little worried about me, but I assured him I would be fine once I quit being mad at myself and I would text him if I needed a ride or when I got back safely.

My dad called me and said, “What is wrong?” Well, I told him what happened and that I had the ball rolling to get it fixed. His responded with, “Oh no.” I know. “You didn’t start it did you?” No, I didn’t start it.

We got the truck towed down the road to the shop. “You didn’t start it did you?!” NO! I didn’t start it!!! Why doesn’t anyone believe me! “Don’t feel bad, I had someone just last week who did this. At least you didn’t start it.”

The tow truck driver gave us a ride back to the farm. The four of us. Me and the three dogs. A comical sight on the bench seat of a tow truck and a bit of a tight squeeze.

R came to rescue us from the farm and deliver us safely back home. She was our knight in shining steel she said. She has jokes that one. I could not ask my parents to do that. I felt, and still kinda feel, like a cowering dog with his tail tucked between his legs. They were not mad, but I was. I made R stay for dinner. R said she has driven off with the pump a few times. Thanks for trying to make me feel better, R.

Hopefully it will be all fixed today.

At least it makes for a good story? Self deprecating humor? Eventually.

Mom said to be nice to myself. People make mistakes. Yes, we do. Some just are not that easy to swallow. I tried to google how often people do this. Ha! Not an easy answer. I will find the humor!

Today is a new day, as my mother said this very morning. And it is just that!

A new day, and new hit. You only thought that was the end of it or the worst of it. I just got a text from a friend that I rode with last weekend. She is pretty sure her horse has strangles and to watch our horses closely. Great.

But hey, I am already there taking care of Lito, no time like the present. Praying that it is not and that our horses do not contract it!495ef000d5b2d8fb2a47b0f9246c8b1d

We will tackle this too. These issues do not know who they are dealing with!

We will tackle them with high heads, walking in love. Drawing our strength through Him, growing and learning.

One Week

For the past several days, I have woken up at exactly 4:47 AM. Exactly. Every day except one. Isn’t that odd? I wake up, hope that I have a little bit longer to snooze, look at my phone and see 4:47 on the read out. That same time every morning. Strikes me as rather curious. I had a little chuckle this morning about it. I just thought you should know! Does that ever happen to you?

In other news…

I snapped a couple quick photos of the sunset yesterday. The hour long commute may get a little old, but being at the farm never does. I love being able to see the day full circle. Sunup to sundown. Such a blessing.

We are now one week down on our restricted, solitary turnout sentence. Lito is probably handling it better than any of us. Thank God for his good brain and laid back attitude! He is a little antsy at times, but he is handling it better than I had hoped…and certainly better than Cheetah ever would. Oh, lawd. I am finally not spending all of my time there staring at him.

Please ignore that ugly pole that used to hold a Purple Martin house. Also, look how tall he is! I know I have said this before, but I am not that tall. Here is to improving my mounting skills. After our Hill Country adventure, I realized I suck at mounting this horse with my squatty legs. It is a whole different kind of leverage equation!

Petunia seems to be taking it harder than anyone. Poor Tuners. It is a long story, but Lito needed more than just a neighbor to keep him from running around. Chance does not seem to care about being separate or alone. Enter Tuners. Who, unfortunately has to stay in a stall for this whole thing to work. She is none too pleased, but maybe she will lose some weight?

I wish someone would just stick me in stall so I would lose some weight. I would probably be worse than Petunia though. At least she is cute when she is mad.

Family weekend at the farm for Memorial Day with lots on the list to get done! First though, I have movers scheduled this afternoon to empty my storage unit into my new townhouse! Well, new to me. Cousin S used to live there with her daughter, but she just got married last weekend and my Aunt needs a tenant. Side note, the wedding was beautiful and it is so great to have new, happy memories in my Aunt’s house. These past several months have been difficult. The next several will likely be harder once the dust settles. It has been a busy several months. Both purposeful and divine. I am requesting prayers for my Aunt and Cousins. Prayers for strength, peace, and acceptance. To grow in their faith and closer to God. To see His hand.

Anyway, back to positive things! We actually made this plan way back in March or so. It is a win, win, win situation for everyone. Especially for me because I will no longer be living at my parents! I am so fortunate I was able to go there when I thought I might lose my job. I was able to save a lot of money and not be worried. It is way past time time though and I am so glad to be moving out.

Busy day today! Get out there an conquer it.

Walk in love, dear readers.

By the way, I am so glad you are here. AHAmoment. Thank you for stopping by and reading my little blog. You followers, commenters, likers, and readers have blown me away in this short time I have been blogging. Thank YOU! You are a blessing.