I awoke a full hour before my alarm was to go off at 6:30 AM. An extra hour of sleep would be nice before a long road trip.
But. Here I lay. Fully energized and rearing to go. Excited to get where we are going. However, I am forcing myself to stay in bed because that was the plan. No sense in getting everything finished early just to sit and wait again. Silly, right?
Anyway, here I am, writing to you since clearly the prospect of sleep is leaving as quick like as the sun is about to rise. And because Darcy dog is not here to cuddle. Which, is not so fun, not having my dog with me.
I played on my phone a bit when I first realized there would be no more sleep. Then I put it down and tried again. No luck. Picked it up again. I was reminded of a song. You know how that happens.
Here I am, laying in bed. Having the luxury of lounging in bed for an hour before I need to do anything. About to gather everything my horse and I need for a week, load it up, and head out with R for a week of riding and fellowship.
How did I get here? How am I able to do these things that I love? Have these horses that I have? How blessed am I?
I get to do all these things because my parents worked their tails off and did everything they could for us. Because they taught us to work our tails off. To do the right thing. To not give up on our dreams and wishes. To do what makes our hearts happy. To have faith and give thanks to the Man upstairs for it all who makes it all possible.
Even when we didn’t realize or appreciate it.
So.
I give thanks to the Lord. I give thanks to my parents and family. And I give thanks to my horse.
Corny as it may sound, it is all true.
Time to get up and get moving. R will soon be on her way!
Walk in love, dear readers! I will see you in a week!
A powerful thing. Giving things time can have impressive effects. Have you ever heard the term ‘just sleep on it’? Well, now you have if you had not before. If you just sit back and think it completely through and wait till morning, you will often get a more harmonious result from not being reactionary.
Time is also a healer. I know this is a universal thing across all cultures and most know it to be true. There are of course songs written about it. After a difficult life event, it feels like time goes at a snail’s pace. Even when you keep busy to keep your mind occupied and try to make the time go faster. Grasping at anything to get you farther from the memories. The feelings. The sadness. The hurt. The anger. You just keep going, taking one step at a time because that is all you can do.
“They say music takes you back to a time. And time is a healer of things.”
Then, it happens. Time has gone by without you realizing it and you look back and realize how far you have come. Amazed at how long ago that happened. How did it get to be years ago?
That happened to me today. Looking back, I never thought it would happen. I still think of that day two years ago often and I know I will the rest of my life. Even just a few days ago, without realizing that it has been two years. Two years does not seem like a long time to some that are removed from the situation. But it feels like so long ago. So much has happened and so much has changed in that time.
Two years ago, we had to put down our first horse. You can read about that day by clicking HERE. He was over 30 years old and we had him for over half his life. He changed my life. That day was so hard, yet so wonderful at the same time. There is such beauty present in the dichotomy of this earthly life. AHAmoment. How something so hard and difficult also presents such life, light, and love is amazing to me. Your faith and spirit are always there. AHAmoment. Something that never goes away. I feel so blessed that I was open to seeing it in that moment, at that time.
I am guessing he is 30 here.
On his 31st birthday. He got to graze in the yard. Do not tell my dad.
Standard bluebonnet photo.
Hey, hi there.
Bath time. I have no idea how old I am here.
Sweet clothes, man. Please pardon the background. The place looks much different now.
We drowned our sorrows in red wine and chocolate pie that night and listened to this song. It always reminds me of him. To this day, it is still my favorite remedy for loss and I recommend it to many.
I am grateful for time. The time I had with him. The time in the moment, even though it was so hard. The time to heal since then and the time I take to remember the memories.
There are many in my life that have lost in the past year. Lost family members or loved ones. Lost horses and dogs. Lost their homes. Tonight I think will be a wine and pie night in memory…after I run.
“Today is a new day. You will get out of it just what you put into it . . . if you make mistakes . . . there is always another chance for you . . . for this thing that we call “failure” is not the falling down, but the staying down.”
I have been blogging for a whole year. Crazy how fast that went. It sure feels like yesterday that I published my first post.
I was just curious at first. And then. Before I knew it. I had clicked around and created a blog. OK, not quite that simple, but that is basically what happened.
Thank you, dear readers, for mustering up your mustard seeds and, not only checking this little blog out, but for also following along.
Here is to you.
You didn’t think you would get off that easy, did you. A song. For you.
I am good like that.
Not quite describing our relationship, but ya…It is still a good song.
I spent the last two days at a conference for work. The reason for my silence. I did not have sneak attackcoffee this time! There was a man yesterday who did. Also on a white shirt. I smiled at him with a knowing look and told him I did the same thing six months ago here and to just use his name tag to cover it. I also had to do a big presentation there on Wednesday that went pretty well. I should say I GOT to do a big presentation. We had a few people that came by our booth because of my presentation! So, we will see what happens.
I hope y’all have a happy Friday and a good end to the work week!
Get out there and do what makes your heart happy this weekend. You know what I will be doing. Going to the farm with my Darcy girl to see my ponies.
I was talking with a couple friends yesterday over the email, all within the same conversation about people and wardrobes. I love email conversations during the day. Makes it more exciting and entertaining. It also means I get to keep up with people I don’t get to see all that often. Makes it feel like we live closer together.
Anyway, we were discussing our trail ride vacation coming up this fall and H said something about how animals, horses specifically in this instance, are simple and that it doesn’t take much to make them happy.
No. No it does not. AHAmoment right there. A lesson for all of us hidden (not very well hidden!) in there for sure.
Truer words have never been spoken.
What does it take to make you happy?
Every day I look at how happy my dog is at all times and what it is that makes her so. Not stuff. Her life is compiled of moments and experiences, always positive, always present. She is fed. She is healthy. She gets to be outside. She gets to run and play. I would like to think that I am part of that. That is IT.
Same with the horses.
Horses do such a great job of bringing us down a peg, in many ways. When Lito had his tendon episode, I got so wrapped up in the worry and getting the next exercise done, that I was forgetting to enjoy my time with him. When the realization hit me, it was like a ton of bricks and I could see it written all over him. He was not experiencing joy either. I was at a loss until Lito gave me an idea. Hand grazing. Hello. How could I not think of this? It is one of my favorite things to do. I was so focused on what was next and not the right now, I couldn’t even see it. I vowed right then and there to hand graze him both before and after our rides in addition to a longer grooming session. Words can not express the difference this had not only on his demeanor, but my experience as well. Something as simple as that can have exponential effects. I swear it made the birds sing. No, just kidding. They were already singing, I just heard them again.
People can get so wrapped up in the next thing, always looking to the future (hello, my favorite hobby. So much energy in something I don’t know) and what is the next thing that will make us happy or get us something or get us to the next step. Not focusing on seeing the positive and being happy now. In the moment, which all together make up a life. And look. We all know I struggle with this as much or more as the next person. Especially lately it seems. But. Just like a bad ride doesn’t make the next, a few bad days or a tough season of life, doesn’t make a life. It is setting us up and getting us ready for the next, whatever it is, whenever it is.
I always want to try and look at life the same way Darcy and my horses do. Keep it simple. Be present and in the moment. Create experiences. Not be driven by things. See the beauty and joy I am surrounded with every day, created by Him. Seeking it. See the grass that grows after the rain. Blooming flowers. The wind. The smell of the rain. Sunrises and sunsets. New life. Happy, healthy animals that give their all to me. Great family and friends. I am fed and healthy. I get to do what I love. I am free and I am loved. What more could I possibly ask for? Who am I? Who are we?!
I do not like to talk about politics and I am certainly not going to do that here. That is not what this is for. Do not you worry.
I will say this. I am proud.
Proud to be a Texan.
Proud to be an American.
I can not speak for people from other states or countries, but Texans seem to be born proud. It is in our blood and we take it pretty seriously. You do not have to be born here to get it in your blood either, but I have also come across some people in my life that just do not quite seem to understand it.
Sometimes, I can’t quite explain it either. It is somewhat of a mystical thing and has a sort of magnetic pull, something that just wells up inside and grows throughout your life. It is certainly a special place. A place unlike any other. Not the South. Not the West. Uniquely its own. Naturally there are songs written about it. You did not think I would skip that, did you? We will get to that in a minute.
The 4th of July always makes me reflect on this. I feel blessed and grateful to live in this country. To do the things I love to do. To be my independent self. To be able to see the light every day. Prouder still, to be a Texan. It is part of who I am. So. This weekend I celebrated with my family doing what I love because I can. I am free to do so. That is what being an American and being a Texan means to me.
I went to the country. I had quality time with my family. I rode my horses by myself.
I rode my best mare with my Nephew behind me, holding on, while my sister rode Ike with my Niece wrapped in her arms in front of her. One in front of the other and side by side. I baked.
We ate. We drank. We splashed in the baby pool in the yard. We played with dogs. I went fishing with BIL B, his brother, and my Nephew. Which, by the way, is my second most favorite thing to do next to riding. I not only fished, but I caught. I even got to fish with my rod that BIL B made for me because he brought it just in case I wanted to go with them.
I napped. I read. I lost count of how many times we watched Tangled and Frozen during the heat of the day.
People, it would seem, are so terribly divided as of late. I wonder where the pride went. Are they not grateful to be able to see the light everyday? To be able to do what they love? Is it not part of who they are? Where is the love? Love of country? Love of people? Love of themselves? Why focus on the hate when you have a choice?
Focus on the light and love. It is a choice.
Spread the love by walking in love, dear readers. Lead with love!
Mike McClure is one of my favorites, so that is reason enough to share, yes? That and this song keeps coming up, probably for a reason.
“Everything that I have been through
stands here in my shoes.
Every knock down, drag out
Every broken bone and bruise.
Every time I bet it all
convinced I wouldn’t lose,
knee deep in the powder
trying to light my own fuse.
No there a’int nothing new
under the sun.
Ya, one story ends
and anther has begun.
Ezekiel’s Wheel
is still spinnin’ around.
All that we have lost,
some day will be found.
Everything I once thought
has flown out of my mind
and everything I outran
has now left me far behind.
Every road it just keeps rollin’
ya, they twist and turn and wind.
I don’t know if it’s an accident
or by some grand design.
But there a’int nothing new
under the sun.
Ya, one story ends
and anther has begun.
Ezekiel’s Wheel
is still spinnin’ around.
All that we have lost,
some day will be found.
Well the tides have all turned inward
and the rocks are washed with waves.
There is a broken bottle on the beach,
but the note has blown away.
It was prolly just a riddle
written down in rhyme.
A little more of the same old,
one more time.
No there a’int nothing new
under the sun.
One story ends
and anther has begun.
Ezekiel’s Wheel
is still spinnin’ around.
All that we have lost,
some day will be found.”
One thing I do know, nothing is accident. It is a grand, divine design. It will all come full circle in time.
I will admit, that this is a Bible story I did not know until I heard the song. Hearing the song intrigued me and I looked it up. Any of you know much about it? Do share! I would love to hear your thoughts. There are plenty of thoughts out there around this story.
I have never understood the whole quarter life or mid life crisis thing. Always was an odd concept to me. A conundrum. I jokingly throw around the term at times. I typically think of age as just a number. A number that many people use as an excuse or something to dread. Or view as a ticking time bomb or one of those daily flip calendars with a finite number of pages. The truth is, you are the age you feel you are. I have never really felt my age, even when I was little. Dare I say that I typically think of myself as an old soul. I read somewhere that one should never admit to that if you ever want to get married. Well, I just did. I suppose I am doomed now.
“Yeah there are different roads to happiness
I took a different path I guess
Came out on the others side just fine
The losing side of twenty five”
Turning twenty five was no big deal for me like everyone makes it out to be. Well, on second thought, maybe it was. I was either twenty four or five when I died my hair on a whim. Making the decision as I walked in the door of the salon. Pretty out of character for this planner. It was supposed to be redish and my parents freaked out like I had gone to the dark side and said it was purple. It wasn’t purple, at least not after it faded.
Twenty six was a big one. When I turned twenty six I felt like I was kicked on my bum out of the nest, falling on a large stick puncturing my wallet as I had to get my own health insurance policy. A puncture that just keeps getting bigger. Like some terrible kind of graduation gift that just keeps on giving. I called that a quarter life crisis to be funny, but honestly, I still do not know why it felt like such a big deal. Everyone has to do it. The hair dying was probably closer to a crisis, depending on who you ask. Some people may even call this blog, created almost a year ago, a quarter life crisis.
“My regrets are far and few between
and I can’t say that they’ve cost me a thing.
Except some money and a little bit of love,
But I’ll give that up.
If I can say that I am still my own
Without the rules that they forced upon.
At least since they day that I was had
because I can’t go back.”
At twenty eight, I sometimes feel like I am back where I was at twenty three, fresh out of undergrad, wondering why on earth I worked to graduate on time and give up my ability to ride every day. Still with an urge to dye my hair and blame it on a quarter life crisis just because. Just because I feel antsy. Questioning my life decisions and wondering. What is next? What am I supposed to be learning here?
I don’t think a season of life in transition, with God pushing me into rest, prayer, and waiting, can be considered a quarter life crisis. That is what I think most people do.
Here is the thing though. Everyone is in their own boat on the same sea. It is all a part of the journey. AHAmoment. The path. Individual and unique, just like you. The end destination is the same for everyone on different roads with different challenges. Might as well enjoy the ride! Look back at the end and marvel at what was experienced and accomplished instead of regrets or what went wrong. There will be many more seasons of transition to prepare you for what is next, often feeling like the waves going up and down the beach. One minute you think you are up and then the next you are back. The key is to stay the course. Just like working with a horse. One bad ride does not doom the next. Give them time to learn and figure it out. One mistake does not define a life. Mistakes do not exist if we learn from them. Be patient. Pray. Learn and grow. It is hard, yes, but in due time, His time, you will know what the next step is and when to take it. The next season will begin.
“When you are at war with yourself, you are bound to lose.”
So, no. No crisis. Never was and never will be. I am over here, happily in transition. Faithfully waiting. My current season of rest. Still. It does not come easy for me, but with His help, it will get easier. I will be prepared.
I’m not going to dye my hair, don’t worry. At least I don’t think so.
How I get to all of that from listening to one song is a wonder to me. Hello? Did I lose you? Anyone still there?
The good news is, the strangles scare was just that, a scare. I will still check each horse just in case while I am out tending to my Lito man. Speaking of Lito. He still seems to be recovering well and is enjoying his short workouts. Keeping sound with no added heat or swelling. Barring any schedule changes, we should be ready for his vet check by Wednesday or Thursday next week. Fingers crossed, dear readers.
This morning I woke up early to finish packing and load everything that did not need to be cold in my car. I even woke up before my alarm. Darcy was picking up on the energy and seemed to know that this weekend is not going to be the average weekend. She was bright eyed and bushy tailed, ready to go the minute I opened my eyes. She stuck by all morning, as if to remind me not to leave her. It was extremely hard to leave her to go to work!
Right now, during my lunch break…after I finish writing this post, I am going to a local Mexican bakery (my favorite!!!) for some pan dulce for our breakfasts. After work, I am packing up the cold groceries and my sidekick Darcy girl and heading to the farm. One step closer to leaving Friday morning and pulling out. Cross your fingers Lito still has all four shoes on. Last night I made some chicken enchiladas to have for a couple of our dinners. One less thing to take away from fun time! Ain’t nobody got time to cook (or clean dishes!) when we have a girls weekend dedicated to horses!
Last weekend I got most all of my horse stuff loaded and packed in the trailer. I have all of R’s horse stuff in my car, ready to load in the trailer, along with all of my personal things. I will be doing that while I try not to die waiting for patiently wait her arrival with Ronan (I had gif conversations with R all morning!). Hurry up and wait. Ugh. I have patience, I promise. I am so ready for this and am super excited to put some serious miles in on Lito. I tried to do this last year with him, but then the river flooded, twice.
The plan is to leave around 7:30 or 8 AM on Friday to avoid hitting traffic on our way and arrive around lunch time. We will get the horses unloaded and settled, get our stuff inside, and eat a quick lunch before tacking up and riding out for the afternoon. Then ride all morning and all afternoon. Rinse, repeat! There will be some drinking, eating, music, swimming, pit fires, watching of Kentucky Derby, and maybe some sleeping. We will have all day Saturday and all day Sunday before leaving Monday morning. Both R and I have somewhere to be by 5PM on Monday.
This sums up how I have been all week on the inside…and maybe on the outside:
Sorry for the excessive gif usage, please don’t leave me! …tap, tap…? Anyone still there???
AHAmoments 