Tag: anxiety

Whopper

On By AveryIn Dogs, Faith, Horses, Life, Uncategorized10 Comments

Welp. I dare say that was (well, still is) a whopper. A doozy whopper of a hurricane. I just came up with that. Just roll with it. 

(Disclaimer…blogging from your phone is difficult and annoying. Please forgive any spelling or grammatical errors.)

Words really can not describe the magnitude of devastation. EVERYWHERE. 

I had a friend ask me if I or my parents had ever seen anything like this. My response? My grandparents haven’t ever seen or heard of anything like this. And my family has been in this area for a long time. 

It will take me a little while on this one to gather my thoughts and put them into words. To be honest, I am not even sure if I can. I will try though, not just for me, but for my people, my city, my region, my state. Please know that me and my animals and my people are all well. We are safe and on the right side of the worst of it. We have been blessed and I am more sure than ever that God provides. And He is here. Always. I so appreciate all of the comments and messages from you, my dear readers. It means the world to me. 

I apologize for being MIA since my last post. That was not my intention, but in circumstances such as these, your prioraties change pretty quick. 

I hope you are all well. I do not even remember the last time we spoke. That is how long this storm, horrible Harvey, has been going on. 

There is much work to be done now, but until then, please enjoy our aftermath of the storm. 


I needed that cocktail! 


​

​
​
​
​
​
Because everyone loves Tuner kisses…

​

​






Looking forward to all the new growth. 

Walk in love, dear readers. 

It Is That Time Of Day

On By AveryIn Dogs, Faith, Horses, Life8 Comments

…or was, as it were.

Sunrise. My favorite time of day. If you have not deduced that little factoid about me yet. It is. It is just my favorite time of day. Everything is new, fresh, and innocent. Dynamic and colorful. An event you can count on every day. For me, I am always struck by the blessing. The blessing to have a new day as a gift. A fresh start. To do what makes my heart smile. To begin a new day in the best way possible viewing God’s painting. It certainly did not hurt that I got to see all of the horses right before I had to load up in my car and head to town for work. Nothing like country morning air laced with the smell of horse. I started out the day seeing the positive. The beautiful. The light. These shots were taken by the front gate as I was leaving. 

I usually take her with me, but I left Darcy in town for the night because I was not going to get to the farm till late just to turn around and come right back. Barely enough time to do what needs doing, but it needed doing. Anyway, dogs always amaze me. I left her at my parents’ house in the care of my dad while she looked at me with confusion and sadness and came back to her happy face and wagging tail, seemingly asking where I had been. All perceived sadness and confusion gone as if it were not there in the first place. Today I came to pick her up after work and there she was, all smiles and ready to go. Are we going? Yes, we are going!

On Sunday, when I got back from my girls riding weekend, we had a much needed, grass growing rain. I got everything unloaded and the trailer cleaned out and parked before I took care of a couple of things. I cooked burgers for a late lunch with my parents while they worked on some chores themselves. They had been working all morning. Just as we sat to eat the sky opened up. It didn’t last terribly long, but the drops were big and plentiful. You know the kind. The kind that drenches everything before you realize it’s raining. 


This weekend was much needed. I can’t say that I necessarily rested, but it was relaxing and I was able to forget my anxieties and all the balls floating in the air. There were 5 of us. We ate. We drank. We rode. We talked. We were leisurely and relaxed. We lounged by the pool. Rain was promised all weekend and we did not get any. We saw stunning sunsets set in thunderclouds illuminaded by lightning and serenaded by distant rolling thunder. Everyone was able to get home safe before the rain on Sunday. 

My Cheetah girl was her usual, saucy self, but settled nicely once we got riding. We both needed that weekend. 



Lito and I are proceeding with our hand walking regimen. It started out a little dicey, but today he was much better. But let us be honest, he is still easier than probably most other 4 year olds. After our walk, I let him graze for a little but while I enjoyed the shade and the sounds around me. Let us all marvel how he has not rubbed his mane out while being penned up!

​

​
All of this to say, I’m chugging along over here, juggling all the balls and doing all the things. Soon enough, life will settle back down and get back to ‘normal.’ Whatever normal is. Just less balls in the air I guess! Here is hoping I will be in my townhouse by the beginning of next week. 

I miss you, my dear readers, and can not wait to get back to talking with you more! 

Until then, walk in love. 

Restless

On By AveryIn Horses, Life, Music15 Comments

The natives. They are getting restless.

Really, just me. Lito seems to be handling things pretty alright. Bless him.

Now that he has had his precious rest, it is time to slowly and gradually get him into some light work. To slowly stretch his tendon and see how it responds. Then, once we have finished the regimen and he has not turned up lame, the vet will come out and re image his leg. Cheers to another couple of weeks!

TyrionLannistercheers

Apologies for the snarky attitude. Kinda.

I  have counted out the workouts and have a plan. Here is hoping the weather does not get too much in our way, but we do need the rain. We have gotten some, so that is good.

This second week of rest has been fine. I guess. This short work week kinda threw me a curve ball. Hence why you have not heard from me. If you were wondering. If not, well then, oh well. It went by too quickly and now it is Friday. Not quite sure how, but here it is! AND it is June! Let us not discuss that.

Y’all feeling the same way? I hope? No? Sigh.

Anyway, my anxiety has been up in my throat the past couple of days. Hence, the restless. Mostly because I hate this situation for Lito. For us. And it just feels like there are too many balls up in the air that I am juggling. Which is another reason I have fallen silent. It felt too hard to share and explain. That it would not be understood. That I would not be understood. But this is life.

I would like to be moved into my new place. I have not even been there since Monday when I first started unpacking. One of these days…Which, I guess moving is really the only new player. I have so much laundry to do between clothes and my sheets and towels that have been in storage for a year. I feel like every time I turn around there is a new pile haunting me! I just want to be able to play some music and cook a meal in my townhouse. I also need an oil change. Well, my car needs one and a good bath. It is so dirty. That makes me think about this song by Wade Bowen.

My windshield literally got a rock chip last week driving in from the farm. I feel a little like my engine is running rough. Me and my car!

However, I am never one to complain about the coming of the weekend! This weekend, I am loading up my Cheetah girl and headed to a friend’s place for a girls riding weekend. A much needed respite. For the both of us.

I just wanted go drop a line and give y’all an update. I have not fallen off the face of the earth or anything. Just feel maxed out. Here is hoping that it passes as quickly as this past week!

This next week is already pretty booked up with only one free evening. I might be spending my lunch hours moving!

Send reinforcements!

It is all good though. These are not problems and I have nothing to complain about! At most these are challenges to be conquered and I will do just that. It might be hard to see the light and be positive when I am getting tired and feeling strung out, but that is the only thing to do. I am going to put the “hammer down” and get it done.

Interestingly enough, my anxiety has already throttled off a bit while writing this post. One of the things I am learning to love about blogging. Do any of you ever feel this way?

Thanks for letting me…spew. That is what it feels like.

Walk in love, dear readers.

 

A Little Set Back

On By AveryIn Faith, Horses, Life14 Comments

There is always something, isn’t there? Sometimes, things happen and you just have to roll with them. They just are. You can not do anything about them and may not know why they happen. Let go and let Him. Then you come back smarter, stronger, and wiser. 

A week ago today, I made a quick trip out to the farm after work to check on the horses and hopefully fit in a ride before Middle Sister K and Husband T came into town for the weekend. I walked down to the pond, hands full of carrots, where they were all standing together in the shad of a pecan tree.

I ran my eyes and hands over each one of them as I pretty much always do. I often do not even notice that I do it. I just do. To make sure everything is as it should be. It is a horse person thing, I guess.

I get to Lito’s left hind and notice some odd, slight swelling and warmth. Great, I thought to myself. Do not think bowed tendon. Dramatic, I know. You know how you can get. What the heck did he do? He has, up until this point, never been swollen or lame. Well, except with his adult teeth coming in. Not important. Check to see if he is lame, maybe he just bumped himself…He was lame. Great. OK. No need to be reactionary. Give him a few days and see how he is. Go from there. Right.

I go over every interaction with him in the recent past in my head multiple times. It could not have been our Hill Country ride. There is no way. His legs were tight and clean before and after every ride. I longed him every morning to make sure he was not stiff or lame. That and to make sure he remembered to pack his brain, but he always does. Not important. He was pretty well conditioned for the trip and never seemed strained by any of the work. Could he have done it on the trailer ride home? I suppose. Did I check his legs when we unloaded? I can not remember. More likely when I turned him back out with the herd and they ran around like race horses for a bit. More plausible, I suppose.

I prayed about it the whole drive several times on my way home that evening. That leave it with Him post? This is where it stemmed from. I practically worried myself sick in the span of my hour long drive. Like that does anybody any good ever. You can tell me that a hundred times and I probably still will not learn that lesson. Put your big girl panties on, Avery, pray about it, and leave it with Him. AHAmoment. It is what we are supposed to do. Have faith. So I did the best I could.

I could not get back out there to check him until Tuesday. Hurry fast I did. He was still slightly swollen, but better. OK. Is he still off? Slightly, maybe? If you have to think that hard to tell if he is lame, at least he is better. Making progress, but still not quite right. The dreaded NQR. Sigh. He made progress, that is good. Something just did not sit right with me, though. How I would hate to let him rest up, get him back riding after a while, just to have it flare up again.

A quick phone call with R to get her to agree with me that a phone call to the vet would not hurt, my peace of mind or wallet. Yet. It took me all day Wednesday to get them on the phone because they were swamped with emergencies. Thankfully, not mine! AHAmoment right there.

They went out there to have a look at him yesterday morning. He did not present lame or react to flexion tests. An ultrasound on both hind legs revealed his left deep digital flexor tendon to be slightly inflamed and bigger than his right. Thankfully for me she used the word mild. And it really is. She wants him on small turnout or stall rest for two weeks. Then a couple 15 minute walk trot rides before he is checked again.

I still can not shake the feeling that I overtaxed him while in the Hill Country. Part of my original worry was that I maybe caused this. My logic and the facts tell me that is not the case. I want the best for him and always have his best interest at heart. I am his steward. Sometimes though, horses are just going to horse. Just look at Kentucky Derby entry, Thunder Snow.

So. For now, we rest while I tack on some miles to my car commuting back and forth from the farm for two weeks. And pray. And leave it with Him. Then come back stronger after we get up and rebuild. 

Walk in love.

Aimless Friday

On By AveryIn Dogs, Horses, LifeLeave a comment

I walked around my elementary school the other day while taking Darcy for a walk. I felt strange and tall. Everything seemed so small and I am not tall.

8353f01dfa26152134cc423ae6aeeec6019c2ea3b52ccd453e23570d9258aec8

There is a man in my office building that is nice as can be. Seems pretty normal. I run into him in the hallway and the parking garage all the time. His mustache is blue. BLUE. I suppose it is dyed. I have a hard time not staring at it. The urge to ask why it is blue is quite strong.

costas-wiggle-2

I was anxious yesterday because I overanalyze.

4645bd8df0f245e1e71515fb05359f27

When I speak with someone that has an accent, I have a hard time not replying with the ‘same’ accent. Weird, I know.

e61f8ac7587a5103d69531f95e79e41677e64b69c3e0beb5d287e2397df4ada1

I have a hard time getting out of bed when it is cloudy, like today. Darcy does not find it hard.

192102568b7c8146cf3dc2f23af705ff

Leaving my dog at home when I go to work is really hard, but I forget about that when she greets me upon my return. This is her smile every. day.

img_1405

I am looking forward to this. A weekend full of this.

These are my random musings.

Walk in love, dear readers!

 

This Year End

On By AveryIn Life, Uncategorized6 Comments

Just like everyone else it seems, I too am reflective at year end. Many reflect on goals achieved, resolutions kept, or all the great things that have happened. I achieved some goals, kept zero resolutions, and did have some great things happen this year.

However, this particular year has been colored with many terrible events, which I will not continue to belabor at present (just read back if you are curious), that seem to overshadow the good.  I literally, between typing words, just spilled my champagne on myself while I was trying to take a sip. Very good adulating going on here. Can I get a participation award?

I think my only two resolutions this year will be to stop spilling on myself while drinking and to ride more. I guarantee that only one will be kept.

15740882_1829461203991198_8210992180279854157_n

I find myself wanting to hide until 2017 emerges just so nothing bad can happen, but alas, we can not hide from anything, no matter how hard we try. AHAmoment. When we try to hide, we are not able to see the good things that are happening around us and to us. I know this logically, but dang, it is hard sometimes.

Just a few hours ago I found out that my grandmother has had a fall and is having surgery tomorrow. Praise the Lord that it was not worse. The surgery is expected to be quick and she should have less down time than last time. That is the bright side. I need another glass of wine.

A little something I read today gave me a little perspective and gives me my message to this past year: Goodbye 2016, I won’t be looking back. Thank you to Mallory of AdultAmmyStrong for sharing your story. It has helped me. I also shared it with a friend of mine. I am so grateful to have my horses and my dog. When I feel like it is too hard to move forward, I do for them.

I am watching Love Actually this evening. The viewing of this movie used to be a Christmas tradition with my sisters and cousins. It has now faded away with the changing tides, but I still watch it every year at least once. Funny thing is I feel like this (the song part…and the love part) is a good summation of 2016 and how Christmas kinda felt. PSA…this is explicit and not PG-13!

I will not hide for the rest of 2016. I am going to fake it till I make it. It is not all bad. Can you hear my determination? I will dance like Billy Mack to the final count down.

I am going to go pour myself another glass of wine, try not to spill on myself, and watch the rest of the movie.

Walk in love, dear readers. I am only taking small steps as present. You can take small steps with me.

 

Cardindal 

On By AveryIn Faith, HorsesLeave a comment

I have always loved cardinals. For one, we have many of them at the farm. They also have the most vibrant red plumage, set off by their yellow beaks. Their song is chipper and distinct. It is more than that, though. They always seem to fly into my view in full wingspan, forcing me to not only notice them, but to take note. AHAmoment. I do take note. 

I saw a cardinal at the farm today. To me, it was and always will be a God wink. 

I had been feeling anxious all morning. Not quite sure why. I was yet again de-buring all the horses’ manes in preparation for Cousin S and her daughter to come out (I really need to go chop those plants down). Not so ironically, none of the horses wanted to stand still for me. Chance in particular was giving me the hardest time. It frustrated and confused me at the time. This was not normal behavior. I wasn’t getting what they were trying to show me, dense human that I am. 

I was sitting on the deck later stuck in my circular thinking when I saw him. It felt like someone snapped at me in my face. I watched and listened until he flew to a different tree. I walked away feeling completely different. 

What do you always see as a God wink? 


​

​
Walk in love, dear readers.