Tag: feelings

Wine, Pie & Time

On By AveryIn Faith, Horses, Life, Music20 Comments

Time is an interesting thing.

A powerful thing. Giving things time can have impressive effects. Have you ever heard the term ‘just sleep on it’? Well, now you have if you had not before. If you just sit back and think it completely through and wait till morning, you will often get a more harmonious result from not being reactionary.

Time is also a healer. I know this is a universal thing across all cultures and most know it to be true. There are of course songs written about it. After a difficult life event, it feels like time goes at a snail’s pace. Even when you keep busy to keep your mind occupied and try to make the time go faster. Grasping at anything to get you farther from the memories. The feelings. The sadness. The hurt. The anger. You just keep going, taking one step at a time because that is all you can do.

“They say music takes you back to a time. And time is a healer of things.”

Then, it happens. Time has gone by without you realizing it and you look back and realize how far you have come. Amazed at how long ago that happened. How did it get to be years ago?

That happened to me today. Looking back, I never thought it would happen. I still think of that day two years ago often and I know I will the rest of my life. Even just a few days ago, without realizing that it has been two years. Two years does not seem like a long time to some that are removed from the situation. But it feels like so long ago. So much has happened and so much has changed in that time.

Two years ago, we had to put down our first horse. You can read about that day by clicking HERE. He was over 30 years old and we had him for over half his life. He changed my life. That day was so hard, yet so wonderful at the same time. There is such beauty present in the dichotomy of this earthly life. AHAmoment. How something so hard and difficult also presents such life, light, and love is amazing to me. Your faith and spirit are always there. AHAmoment. Something that never goes away. I feel so blessed that I was open to seeing it in that moment, at that time.

I am guessing he is 30 here.
On his 31st birthday. He got to graze in the yard. Do not tell my dad.
Standard bluebonnet photo.
Hey, hi there.
Bath time. I have no idea how old I am here.
Sweet clothes, man. Please pardon the background. The place looks much different now.

We drowned our sorrows in red wine and chocolate pie that night and listened to this song. It always reminds me of him. To this day, it is still my favorite remedy for loss and I recommend it to many.

I am grateful for time. The time I had with him. The time in the moment, even though it was so hard. The time to heal since then and the time I take to remember the memories.

There are many in my life that have lost in the past year. Lost family members or loved ones. Lost horses and dogs. Lost their homes. Tonight I think will be a wine and pie night in memory…after I run.

Walk in love, dear readers.

Whopper

On By AveryIn Dogs, Faith, Horses, Life, Uncategorized10 Comments

Welp. I dare say that was (well, still is) a whopper. A doozy whopper of a hurricane. I just came up with that. Just roll with it. 

(Disclaimer…blogging from your phone is difficult and annoying. Please forgive any spelling or grammatical errors.)

Words really can not describe the magnitude of devastation. EVERYWHERE. 

I had a friend ask me if I or my parents had ever seen anything like this. My response? My grandparents haven’t ever seen or heard of anything like this. And my family has been in this area for a long time. 

It will take me a little while on this one to gather my thoughts and put them into words. To be honest, I am not even sure if I can. I will try though, not just for me, but for my people, my city, my region, my state. Please know that me and my animals and my people are all well. We are safe and on the right side of the worst of it. We have been blessed and I am more sure than ever that God provides. And He is here. Always. I so appreciate all of the comments and messages from you, my dear readers. It means the world to me. 

I apologize for being MIA since my last post. That was not my intention, but in circumstances such as these, your prioraties change pretty quick. 

I hope you are all well. I do not even remember the last time we spoke. That is how long this storm, horrible Harvey, has been going on. 

There is much work to be done now, but until then, please enjoy our aftermath of the storm. 


I needed that cocktail! 


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Because everyone loves Tuner kisses…

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Looking forward to all the new growth. 

Walk in love, dear readers. 

Elemental

On By AveryIn Faith, Horses, Life10 Comments

Earth, air, water, and fire. 

And the Oxford comma. Ha! Hey, I’ve got jokes today! 

No, for real. 

Something so Elemental as to embody all four of those concepts. More than just words. They are senses. Images. Feelings. Emotions. All in themselves. 

The sun rises in the east and sets in the west. God’s paintings twice a day, every day, no matter where you are. Both at the beginning and the end. Of everything. Yet different every day. New. 

Seeing and smelling the earth, feeling the air across your skin as you lope your horse around, praying for those clouds to produce some rain (at least where we are, they have had more rain than us!), and having your soul set on fire. 

Blessed and grateful. 

The reflection of the sunset on the eastern sky Saturday evening with horses and friends. Clearly no better at focusing for photos than I’m sure we were as kids…






Please take a moment to enjoy Lito’s expressions. Seriously, that horse. I just can not contain myself.

Sorry. Where was I? Right.

Sunrise progression Sunday morning. I told you God likes Sundays to be foggy…



Two things that inspire me most next to my horses and my dog. 

Have you caught a sunrise or a sunset recently? Share if you have! If you have not, do yourself a favor and watch one soon. 

Walk in love, dear readers!

The Path Of Least Resistance

On By AveryIn Faith, Life, Music, Uncategorized16 Comments

The sun is fierce this morning, y’all. It feels like it is going to be a hot one. But. I am not here to talk about the weather. Even if it might be easier to do.

My creative juices have not been flowing forth as of late if you have not been able to tell. In a funk, if you will. Again. Or still. It is what it is, but I do not have to like it.

It is also scary. Being vulnerable. This whole blog thing. Making it public…what was I thinking!? Woof.

bBTn_h

Someone once said I was brave for starting this blog and sharing my story. I do not feel very brave lately.

I meant to post this last night, but then I got self conscious about it and conveniently ran out of time. What about the other days since I last posted? Shh. I do not know.

I am just going to say it. Part of this funk leaves me feeling alone. There, I said it. It is true. There is more to it than that, like vocation, desires, future, faithfully waiting that all plays its roll in the bigger picture of the feeling. Blah, blah, blah.

But here is the thing.

There are times when I think it might be easier to not be me. Did a bomb just go off? Very brief, short times, but still very present. Easier to change what might be different about me and be like ‘everyone else.’ Be more accepted. Whatever all that means.

I might fit in more. Who cares? Did I ever care about that? I am not sure I really do.

Have more friends. Do I need more friends? I have never been one to have a huge group. Just my close, small group.

Maybe not be single? Eh. I would rather not be in a relationship than be in one where I could not be myself.

That I wouldn’t feel lost in this way. Is lost a strong word for this? I am not sure. No stronger than alone, I guess. No one else seems to be going through this. They are all out living their lives. Aren’t they? Is that not what the book of face and insta prove? Ha! I do not believe any of that for a second.

Not stuck in my head of circular thoughts, unable to still?

I have no way of knowing any of that, but I do not believe it would be easier. Indeed it would be harder. I tried to be someone I wasn’t once. It was terrible. It was in middle school. It sounds silly and trivial, I know, but it is true.

I had a very clear feeling that I was not like everyone else. I was too different. I was outside of the box. I felt like a round peg in a square hole. I liked different things, like going to the farm to ride. I did not care to break rules or do things we were not supposed to do. I was quiet. I related more to older people than kids my own age. I did not care to wear makeup or do my hair or wear nice clothes, much to my mother’s chagrin. I felt lost and I did not know why.

I told myself I was going to change. Be more square. Not talk about horses as much. Talk more. Make more friends. Look like someone I wasn’t. I do not know how long this lasted, but I do not think very long. I felt more lost than ever before. Like a stranger in my own skin. I suppose I made more ‘friends,’ but there were not real. I went back to being me because that was the only thing that felt right. It was easy and not hard.

I have been rather. Um. Restless as of late. Desiring a change and not knowing much more than that. Feeling an outside need for change, greater than my own desire. A greater and grander plan. I can’t see the path yet. I guess that is what seasons of waiting are to feel like. I do not know what it looks like or feels like. I am doing my best to seek Him and be faithful in my waiting. To grow and learn what He needs me to. To see and feel Him seeking me. To pray. Keeping knocking.

“Believe me, the choice that does not involve Him always ends up in a bad and downright disappointing place. It ends up in failure because it’s not the path we are meant to be on. It’s not the truth. Seek Him and you will find the truth.”
~Cory Morrow

Desiring a change in life, or rather, feeling the imminent change (and not knowing what it is) is different than changing who you are. Not being you. AHAmoment.

You were made a certain way for a reason. Divinely and uniquely made. Tailor-made. For a purpose. He has a plan and a path for that plan. The road and the gate are narrow, yet easy to follow when you keep your focus on Him. We like to make things complicated and difficult. Instead, keep it simple. His path is the path of least resistance.

Anyone still there??? Does any of this make sense? No?

Be yourself. Do not change what makes you, you.

Walk in love, dear readers.

Daily Dose Of Cute

On By AveryIn Faith, Horses, Life7 Comments

Who does not love baby animals? No one.

 

 


I bet you are smiling now.

Please excuse all the ‘stuff’ in the pen. I wanted him to be exposed to as many things as possible so he would be brave and confident when he grew up. He is.

Nothing like babies to warm the heart.

I watched the news this morning and it was depressing. Mornings should not be ruined by the ‘news.’

I went to a baby shower with my mother yesterday after work that was hosted by our church. We all brought gifts to donate to a pregnancy help center that helps pregnant women in need who do not have the means or knowledge to support their baby. I was quite moved by it and am so happy I went.

While getting ready for work today, Jonah Werner came up on my music shuffle. It gave me all the feels. My middle sister and I listened to him on the day of my Uncle’s funeral. When my sister was in middle school (and I was in elementary school), she went to a Jonah Werner concert at the church my Uncle, Aunt, and Cousins went and still go to.

Have a great day. I am focusing on the positive and the happy.

Walk in love.

Sneak Attack

On By AveryIn Life8 Comments

You know how memories or emotions can sneak up on you when you least expect them? Like a sneak attack? Sometimes happy, sometimes…not?

For instance, today, when I left my office building and entered the open air parking garage to drive home for lunch. The garage is where the smokers smoke. Every time I smell the distant, faint smell, I am immediately transported to the barn I used to take horseback riding lessons at. Where I first started. My instructor smoked. The lounge smelled of it. She smelled of it. The arena faintly smelled of it.

Sometimes, when I smell cigarette smoke, in fact most times, I think of negative things like cancer. Morbid, I know. Not in our parking garage though. I hear Dorthy’s voice calling out instructions during a lesson, in her raspy, characteristic voice. I think of the dusty arena and stall aisles. The golden light that shone through the barn boards and onto the shiny, clipped Saddlebreds as they ate in their stalls. I think of that lady who boarded her two Quarter Horses there. One of them was a gray mare. That kind lady would let me help her groom and sit on that mare’s back during my sister’s lesson. I often go back to the feeling of my favorite lesson of all time where I got to leave the indoor arena to have my lesson in one of two grassy turnouts out back. I do not remember the actual lesson. Maybe there was not really one. Maybe I just got to ride. That is what I remember. Riding. Just being with the horse, the sunlight, the grass, and the wind in the trees and the horse’s mane. I was riding Smokey, a gray gelding. It was over too fast. Maybe this is why I have always had a thing for grays. Those two favorites of mine at the barn. I was 7 or 8 at the time.

The sneak attack is not always a happy memory, is it? We had a big conference for work
last week and, if you remember, on the first day I spilled my coffee on my white shirt. I seem to have a problem with spilling on myself. You learn new things about yourself when you blog. Anyway, the first thing that came to mind was when you are trying to get the last of a drink in a cup full of ice. You know, when the ice holds tight to the base of the glass until you are convinced you are safe to enjoy the last sip, and then wham, out tumbling comes the ice in your face like boulders off a mountain. Major sneak attack, whether it is coffee or ice. I figured I would cover it up the best I could with my name tag and, if need be, use it as a good ice breaker for people coming up to the booth to talk.

That same day, during a short, slow stint in the booth, feeling self conscious about my coffee stain, I was blankly staring down the aisle at the various people wandering and talking. I caught sight of this man. He was talking to the people in a booth diagonally down a ways. I had a rear, 45 degree angle view on him. The first thing I realized when I clued into my thoughts was, is that my Uncle B? Everything came screeching to halt in my brain. If I had been drinking coffee, I might have spilled on myself again. This man had the same hair, clothes, height, stance, and profile as my Uncle from what I could see. The shock, sadness, and surprise came on me again all at once. Not dissimilar to the feeling when I saw his brother that looks exactly like him through a window on that day. Luckily for me last week, the feeling was fleeting.

I spoke with my mother about it when we went on a walk ride Sunday morning. I was not going to share it with her because I did not want to focus on the negative, I wanted to remember the positive. He would have been eager to hear how the conference went and what people were talking about the next time we got together. Were people getting hopeful or excited yet in the industry. Asking if I networked and met new people.

My mother was the one who brought it up. She was walking and I was riding. It is our thing. There was a lull in the conversation and we were together in the silence. I was remembering that moment at the conference the very second that my mother started to talk about him. Funny how that happens. We all are experiencing the same things in our own ways. We are never alone in anything that we go through. AHAmoment.

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Have you had any sneak attacks lately? Good or not so?

Walk in love, dear readers.

A Better View & A Better Mood

On By AveryIn Faith, Horses, Life4 Comments

Monday after work I snuck (sorry, I really just prefer it to sneaked, get over it) out to the farm to lock the horses into the paddock for the farrier who came out the Tuesday morning.

I arrived and got everything finished with enough time…and daylight…to fit a ride in on Cheetah. We have now redeemed ourselves from Saturday’s ride, and thank God, literally. AHAmoment. I did thank Him, for the ride and more. I have been pretty aggravated ever since Saturday, let us be honest.

It was a great ride and I feel better for it. I truly believe she does too. We just rode. That is all. Just for the fun and love of it. No agenda. No plans. No expectations. No pressure. Took what we had. Just rode for the shear joy. What IT is all about. AHAmoment, again! Those are our best rides. You can still make progress and work towards goals. Funny how that happens.

I snagged these quick videos for those of you who want or need a different view for a few seconds. If you are like my Niece, I welcome you to pretend you are riding. I will not tell anyone. Please notice the sun in that first one! I have decided I am not complaining about clouds anymore (sorry about Monday!). Do you know how many times in the Bible clouds represent God? A lot. Think about that. Do you want me to say it again??? AHAmoment! Also, clouds make the sun more brilliant when it shines through. So there.

What do you do just for the shear joy of it? Go do it.

Walk in love, dear readers!

Make it a wonderful Wednesday!

On That Note

On By AveryIn Faith, Life4 Comments

Yesterday we talked about being gracious to combat negativity. Spreading love like honey, so to speak. What does gracious mean to you?

Gracious literally (by literally I mean a quick google search and not flipping through Webster’s) means, “courteous, kind, and pleasant; showing divine grace.” What does that make you think of?

I was thinking about that question yesterday when I posted it. Of what thoughts, feelings, images it conjured. Gratitude was one of the words that came up: “the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.” AHAmoment.

That is an interesting thought to me. Another full circle concept. Chicken or the egg. Whichever you like. The two almost seem to meld together where you do not know where one starts and the other begins. The same thing is thought of great riders when working with a horse, but that is another story for anther day.

Stir that around in your pot of thoughts. Funny thing is, this showed up on my radar today…

(Thanks to UMNCSH on YouTube for the vid)

Coincidence? I think not! The main source of joy.

Walk in love, dear readers!

Trail riding with friends on Saturday!

P.S. Here is some more because I can not get enough…and because she is one of my all time favorites.

(Thanks to OWN on YouTube for the vid)

Mother Nature

On By AveryIn Dogs, Faith, Horses, Life, Music14 Comments

I am trying something new today. Go me! Getting out of my comfort zone. They say that is a good thing to do. I am going to share with you what first came to my mind when I saw The Daily Post‘s prompt and photo challenge. Really, I just could not resist when I saw what the words were and I was struggling with content for today. Eh, the way it goes sometimes.  Thank you Anne for the inspiration to give it a try!

Mother Nature.

The ultimate in aesthetics and ambiance. Just my opinion, for whatever it is worth. The great creator’s paintings, captured with a mere click, but nothing like actually experiencing it with your own eyes. Feeling the air on your skin and through your hair. hearing the wind in the trees. Going through the emotions.

The same view is very rarely the same from the same place. I will restrain myself with the metaphors I just opened up with that one! Unlike anything we can create, Mother Nature always has the right lighting, vibrant colors, fresh air, and even comes with it’s own music if you listen.

It is a beautiful life. AHAmoment. Thank you for being a part of it. I hope you like my quick pics from my cell phone that I have gathered.

Where is your favorite place for the best in aesthetics and ambiance and why?

Walk in love, dear readers.