Welp. I dare say that was (well, still is) a whopper. A doozy whopper of a hurricane. I just came up with that. Just roll with it.
(Disclaimer…blogging from your phone is difficult and annoying. Please forgive any spelling or grammatical errors.)
Words really can not describe the magnitude of devastation. EVERYWHERE.
I had a friend ask me if I or my parents had ever seen anything like this. My response? My grandparents haven’t ever seen or heard of anything like this. And my family has been in this area for a long time.
It will take me a little while on this one to gather my thoughts and put them into words. To be honest, I am not even sure if I can. I will try though, not just for me, but for my people, my city, my region, my state. Please know that me and my animals and my people are all well. We are safe and on the right side of the worst of it. We have been blessed and I am more sure than ever that God provides. And He is here. Always. I so appreciate all of the comments and messages from you, my dear readers. It means the world to me.
I apologize for being MIA since my last post. That was not my intention, but in circumstances such as these, your prioraties change pretty quick.
I hope you are all well. I do not even remember the last time we spoke. That is how long this storm, horrible Harvey, has been going on.
There is much work to be done now, but until then, please enjoy our aftermath of the storm.
It can be fun, sure. I really do like to share my photos & animals…and, uh, music, a lot of music…with other people because it brings me happiness to share the things I love and what makes me happy with others…in hopes that it does the same for them. I am sure that is a surprise to no one. And really, who doesn’t like to see cute animals?
It can be helpful. That is one of the reasons I started this blog. To share and connect. It is hard to share the difficult stories, but I do it because I know I am not alone and I am not perfect. I know that other people have experienced the same things.
But it can also be, well, bad. Really bad. Negative. Dismissive. Rude. Hateful. And let us not forget, so very fake. I can honestly say that I am constantly surprised by people’s behavior. Where does that even come from? Where does the energy to perpetuate such exhausting mentalities come from?
How has this platform replaced actual communication between our fellow man?
Something that has always bugged me is the amount of energy many people put into composing the perfect picture to post so they look a certain way…to other people. Or incredibly lengthy diatribes of hate. Do not even get me started on selfies and strange poses. I am not going to go there. I always think to myself that if people put as much energy into having good manners, being nice and positive, helping, and loving our neighbors and just being real as they did on perfecting the perfect post, how much better the world, even just the social media world, would be. Exposure to more love and light. More Happy Thanksgiving, Happy Memorial Day, Happy Veterans Day, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Ramadan, Happy Kwanzaa, Happy Birthday, or whatever the holiday celebration may be. More smiling. More love. Create an intersection and not a corner.
I feel like people say Happy Halloween or Happy National Donut day more than any other holiday.
The last few days have been interesting with the lunar eclipse and the first day of school. There were so many cool posts of people getting outside and experiencing the lunar eclipse, surprisingly with other people…together, and sweet children with happy smiles off on their first day back at school after summer. The negativity and hate seemed to stop, or at least be out weighed! If only for that quick moment.
Again, I can not help but wonder if everyone would put as much energy into good instead of bad, focusing on the positive and not the negative, being honest and real, visceral and empathetic, vulnerable, how much better off we would all be. How much more connected we would be, realizing that we are not that different from each other and we all have struggles.
Stir that around in your pot of thoughts. Each one of us makes a difference.
I can see how this may sound trite, but it is not only important, it is true.
Walk in love, my dear readers, and be a light today! Happy Wednesday!
And the Oxford comma. Ha! Hey, I’ve got jokes today!
No, for real.
Something so Elemental as to embody all four of those concepts. More than just words. They are senses. Images. Feelings. Emotions. All in themselves.
The sun rises in the east and sets in the west. God’s paintings twice a day, every day, no matter where you are. Both at the beginning and the end. Of everything. Yet different every day. New.
Seeing and smelling the earth, feeling the air across your skin as you lope your horse around, praying for those clouds to produce some rain (at least where we are, they have had more rain than us!), and having your soul set on fire.
Blessed and grateful.
The reflection of the sunset on the eastern sky Saturday evening with horses and friends. Clearly no better at focusing for photos than I’m sure we were as kids…
Please take a moment to enjoy Lito’s expressions. Seriously, that horse. I just can not contain myself.
Sorry. Where was I? Right.
Sunrise progression Sunday morning. I told you God likes Sundays to be foggy…
Two things that inspire me most next to my horses and my dog.
Have you caught a sunrise or a sunset recently? Share if you have! If you have not, do yourself a favor and watch one soon.
I was talking with a couple friends yesterday over the email, all within the same conversation about people and wardrobes. I love email conversations during the day. Makes it more exciting and entertaining. It also means I get to keep up with people I don’t get to see all that often. Makes it feel like we live closer together.
Anyway, we were discussing our trail ride vacation coming up this fall and H said something about how animals, horses specifically in this instance, are simple and that it doesn’t take much to make them happy.
No. No it does not. AHAmoment right there. A lesson for all of us hidden (not very well hidden!) in there for sure.
Truer words have never been spoken.
What does it take to make you happy?
Every day I look at how happy my dog is at all times and what it is that makes her so. Not stuff. Her life is compiled of moments and experiences, always positive, always present. She is fed. She is healthy. She gets to be outside. She gets to run and play. I would like to think that I am part of that. That is IT.
Same with the horses.
Horses do such a great job of bringing us down a peg, in many ways. When Lito had his tendon episode, I got so wrapped up in the worry and getting the next exercise done, that I was forgetting to enjoy my time with him. When the realization hit me, it was like a ton of bricks and I could see it written all over him. He was not experiencing joy either. I was at a loss until Lito gave me an idea. Hand grazing. Hello. How could I not think of this? It is one of my favorite things to do. I was so focused on what was next and not the right now, I couldn’t even see it. I vowed right then and there to hand graze him both before and after our rides in addition to a longer grooming session. Words can not express the difference this had not only on his demeanor, but my experience as well. Something as simple as that can have exponential effects. I swear it made the birds sing. No, just kidding. They were already singing, I just heard them again.
People can get so wrapped up in the next thing, always looking to the future (hello, my favorite hobby. So much energy in something I don’t know) and what is the next thing that will make us happy or get us something or get us to the next step. Not focusing on seeing the positive and being happy now. In the moment, which all together make up a life. And look. We all know I struggle with this as much or more as the next person. Especially lately it seems. But. Just like a bad ride doesn’t make the next, a few bad days or a tough season of life, doesn’t make a life. It is setting us up and getting us ready for the next, whatever it is, whenever it is.
I always want to try and look at life the same way Darcy and my horses do. Keep it simple. Be present and in the moment. Create experiences. Not be driven by things. See the beauty and joy I am surrounded with every day, created by Him. Seeking it. See the grass that grows after the rain. Blooming flowers. The wind. The smell of the rain. Sunrises and sunsets. New life. Happy, healthy animals that give their all to me. Great family and friends. I am fed and healthy. I get to do what I love. I am free and I am loved. What more could I possibly ask for? Who am I? Who are we?!
The sun is fierce this morning, y’all. It feels like it is going to be a hot one. But. I am not here to talk about the weather. Even if it might be easier to do.
My creative juices have not been flowing forth as of late if you have not been able to tell. In a funk, if you will. Again. Or still. It is what it is, but I do not have to like it.
It is also scary. Being vulnerable. This whole blog thing. Making it public…what was I thinking!? Woof.
Someone once said I was brave for starting this blog and sharing my story. I do not feel very brave lately.
I meant to post this last night, but then I got self conscious about it and conveniently ran out of time. What about the other days since I last posted? Shh. I do not know.
I am just going to say it. Part of this funk leaves me feeling alone. There, I said it. It is true. There is more to it than that, like vocation, desires, future, faithfully waiting that all plays its roll in the bigger picture of the feeling. Blah, blah, blah.
But here is the thing.
There are times when I think it might be easier to not be me. Did a bomb just go off? Very brief, short times, but still very present. Easier to change what might be different about me and be like ‘everyone else.’ Be more accepted. Whatever all that means.
I might fit in more. Who cares? Did I ever care about that? I am not sure I really do.
Have more friends. Do I need more friends? I have never been one to have a huge group. Just my close, small group.
Maybe not be single? Eh. I would rather not be in a relationship than be in one where I could not be myself.
That I wouldn’t feel lost in this way. Is lost a strong word for this? I am not sure. No stronger than alone, I guess. No one else seems to be going through this. They are all out living their lives. Aren’t they? Is that not what the book of face and insta prove? Ha! I do not believe any of that for a second.
Not stuck in my head of circular thoughts, unable to still?
I have no way of knowing any of that, but I do not believe it would be easier. Indeed it would be harder. I tried to be someone I wasn’t once. It was terrible. It was in middle school. It sounds silly and trivial, I know, but it is true.
I had a very clear feeling that I was not like everyone else. I was too different. I was outside of the box. I felt like a round peg in a square hole. I liked different things, like going to the farm to ride. I did not care to break rules or do things we were not supposed to do. I was quiet. I related more to older people than kids my own age. I did not care to wear makeup or do my hair or wear nice clothes, much to my mother’s chagrin. I felt lost and I did not know why.
I told myself I was going to change. Be more square. Not talk about horses as much. Talk more. Make more friends. Look like someone I wasn’t. I do not know how long this lasted, but I do not think very long. I felt more lost than ever before. Like a stranger in my own skin. I suppose I made more ‘friends,’ but there were not real. I went back to being me because that was the only thing that felt right. It was easy and not hard.
I have been rather. Um. Restless as of late. Desiring a change and not knowing much more than that. Feeling an outside need for change, greater than my own desire. A greater and grander plan. I can’t see the path yet. I guess that is what seasons of waiting are to feel like. I do not know what it looks like or feels like. I am doing my best to seek Him and be faithful in my waiting. To grow and learn what He needs me to. To see and feel Him seeking me. To pray. Keeping knocking.
“Believe me, the choice that does not involve Him always ends up in a bad and downright disappointing place. It ends up in failure because it’s not the path we are meant to be on. It’s not the truth. Seek Him and you will find the truth.”
~Cory Morrow
Desiring a change in life, or rather, feeling the imminent change (and not knowing what it is) is different than changing who you are. Not being you. AHAmoment.
You were made a certain way for a reason. Divinely and uniquely made. Tailor-made. For a purpose. He has a plan and a path for that plan. The road and the gate are narrow, yet easy to follow when you keep your focus on Him. We like to make things complicated and difficult. Instead, keep it simple. His path is the path of least resistance.
Anyone still there??? Does any of this make sense? No?
Guaranteed to put smiles on faces since the beginning of time.
Monday was rainy so there was no seeing the sunset. Ironically, we did not get much rain at all at the farm. We sure do need it.
Tuesday now, Tuesday showed up to play. You can’t really see it, but the clouds looked kinda like desert mountains far in the distance. We did end up getting some rain Tuesday evening. More wind than anthing.
Same thing with today, just without clouds. Hard to not have a good hump day when it starts with a happy dog, happy horses (even those in solitary confinement), and a commute accompanied my a beautiful sunrise and good music. Even if your car is super dirty. Don’t judge me. I will not show you the inside either.
Quite the painting from The Man Upstairs. Are you smiling yet?
I mean, just take me to church. I will let the lyrics speak for themselves. Your AHAmoment for the day brought to you by Zac Wilkerson. Thanks to Zac Wilkerson – Topic on YouTube for the vid.
“When I’m in the valley when my body’s weak
When life’s chains are shackled upon my feet
I will fear no evil death has lost its sting
Love falls all around me
Love rescues me
Hallelujah Hallelujah
Love falls all around me
Love rescues me
I was a wounded beggar I was an orphaned son
I was a weary wanderer so far from home
I was filthy garment I was a leprous man
But I fell into love’s water
Now I’m clean again
Hallelujah Hallelujah
I fell into loves water
Now I’m clean again
And when my life is over and I toil no more
And I stand on the banks of love’s golden shore
I’m gonna cross that river and I will run for home
And love will run to meet me and call me his own
Hallelujah Hallelujah
Love runs to meet me
Calls me his own”
~Zac Wilkerson
Dear readers, your faith is your own. It is personal and intimate. Don’t let another person tell you how it ‘should’ be. I had a great phone call with a dear friend of mine. We met our freshman year in college and she now lives across the country. I have not talked to her in a long time. We talked about everything under the sun. Our conversation meandered to her finding a church to meet some new people now that she is newly single. Music is a very big part of both of our personal relationships with our Lord. When I first heard this song not that long ago, I about fell over. I proceeded to listen to it on repeat and send it to my whole family. He speaks to each of us in different ways. Make it personal and make it your own. God is love!
Middle sister K and husband T are coming into town this weekend! We are celebrating her birthday along with my Niece’s 2nd birthday on Saturday. Of course, Mother’s Day on Sunday!
Still trying to get back into everyday reality this week.
In other news, I am moving at the end of the month! More on that later.
You can not chase happiness, you have to find it where you are.
That is easy enough to say. Harder to believe it all the way through. Harder still to put in practice and do.
It is a choice. AHAmoment. We all have a choice in everything.
A choice to cut out all the negative and embrace all that you have.
Live full and whole hearted. Be compassionate. Have empathy. Be vulnerable. Cultivate gratitude and joy. Love your whole self, your authentic self, but love the Lord first.
The rest? The rest will come. In its own time. It is different for every person.
It seems hard, but it is for everyone. I will be honest, it is hard for me.
Be brave.
Walk in love, dear readers, and do not lose heart.
