“Satisfaction is not always the fulfillment of what you want; it is the realization of how blessed you are for what you have.”
~Happy Positivity
Your AHAmoment brought to you from the top of this mountain. A moment of quiet reflection and absorption. A pretty good reading spot for the morning. I hope you enjoy this moment with me!
Walk in love, dear readers!
Here I am on Texas time, bright eyed and bushy tailed before it’s time to get out and do anything. I have been up for about an hour trying to will myself to sleep. No luck! Mornings like these are perfect for riding. Makes me miss my dun duo, even though I am having a great time here. Oh well, I am enjoying this cool mountain air and trickling fountain…and the time to write to you!
I found out yesterday that I happen to have a friend vacationing here as well and we are going to meet up for breakfast in a little over an hour. I told everyone they were not allowed to start having serious fun until my return. Can you tell I have a serious case of FOMO at all times??!
There is a pretty good chance of rain today, beginning in the late morning and continuing into the afternoon. Most likely today will be a quiet relaxing one, possibly enjoying a storm or two inbetween walks and shops. We have plans this evening to go to the top of the mountain for a farm to table dinner with live music. Fingers crossed the rain holds off by that point.
Yesterday was a lovely one with a trip up to Maroon Bells. Surprising that somehow I have never been up there given how many times I have been in this area. Maybe we went when I was little and I just don’t remember. Anyway, stunning is about all I can say! The double peaks, capped with snow, surrounded by blue sky, summer greenery, and the confetti waving of the Aspen tree leaves, all reflected into the lake below.
There are so many wonders in this world, big and small. From the smallest bug or flower to the highest mountain. It is amazing to think on the creation of it all and to remember that you were created in just the same way. AHAmoment.
We caught a fly fisherman wetting a line. Hopefully I will get a chance to do that before I leave.
We spent the morning there and then got back to town for a patio lunch. The men left to go play golf while us girls came back to the condo to relax. We napped, did dinner prep, and had a nice long soak in the hot tub and pool.
It is a long story, but I unfortunately have a crick in my neck. Terrible, I know. It started on the bus ride back from Maroon Bells. Previous events and not sitting straight, trying to see out the window I suppose. By late afternoon, even after taking an excessive amount of Advil, I could barely move my head to the right. The wonders of hydrotherapy never cease to amaze me. A good amount of time in the hot tub, then into the pool, and back to the hot tub? I felt like a new woman! I am still a little sore and tight this morning, but nothing like yesterday. Hopefully some more Advil and taking it easy today will do the trick. Maybe another soak in the hot tub.
That is all for now! Walk in love, dear readers!
What do you treasure?
The sun is fierce this morning, y’all. It feels like it is going to be a hot one. But. I am not here to talk about the weather. Even if it might be easier to do.
My creative juices have not been flowing forth as of late if you have not been able to tell. In a funk, if you will. Again. Or still. It is what it is, but I do not have to like it.
It is also scary. Being vulnerable. This whole blog thing. Making it public…what was I thinking!? Woof.
Someone once said I was brave for starting this blog and sharing my story. I do not feel very brave lately.
I meant to post this last night, but then I got self conscious about it and conveniently ran out of time. What about the other days since I last posted? Shh. I do not know.
I am just going to say it. Part of this funk leaves me feeling alone. There, I said it. It is true. There is more to it than that, like vocation, desires, future, faithfully waiting that all plays its roll in the bigger picture of the feeling. Blah, blah, blah.
But here is the thing.
There are times when I think it might be easier to not be me. Did a bomb just go off? Very brief, short times, but still very present. Easier to change what might be different about me and be like ‘everyone else.’ Be more accepted. Whatever all that means.
I might fit in more. Who cares? Did I ever care about that? I am not sure I really do.
Have more friends. Do I need more friends? I have never been one to have a huge group. Just my close, small group.
Maybe not be single? Eh. I would rather not be in a relationship than be in one where I could not be myself.
That I wouldn’t feel lost in this way. Is lost a strong word for this? I am not sure. No stronger than alone, I guess. No one else seems to be going through this. They are all out living their lives. Aren’t they? Is that not what the book of face and insta prove? Ha! I do not believe any of that for a second.
Not stuck in my head of circular thoughts, unable to still?
I have no way of knowing any of that, but I do not believe it would be easier. Indeed it would be harder. I tried to be someone I wasn’t once. It was terrible. It was in middle school. It sounds silly and trivial, I know, but it is true.
I had a very clear feeling that I was not like everyone else. I was too different. I was outside of the box. I felt like a round peg in a square hole. I liked different things, like going to the farm to ride. I did not care to break rules or do things we were not supposed to do. I was quiet. I related more to older people than kids my own age. I did not care to wear makeup or do my hair or wear nice clothes, much to my mother’s chagrin. I felt lost and I did not know why.
I told myself I was going to change. Be more square. Not talk about horses as much. Talk more. Make more friends. Look like someone I wasn’t. I do not know how long this lasted, but I do not think very long. I felt more lost than ever before. Like a stranger in my own skin. I suppose I made more ‘friends,’ but there were not real. I went back to being me because that was the only thing that felt right. It was easy and not hard.
I have been rather. Um. Restless as of late. Desiring a change and not knowing much more than that. Feeling an outside need for change, greater than my own desire. A greater and grander plan. I can’t see the path yet. I guess that is what seasons of waiting are to feel like. I do not know what it looks like or feels like. I am doing my best to seek Him and be faithful in my waiting. To grow and learn what He needs me to. To see and feel Him seeking me. To pray. Keeping knocking.
Desiring a change in life, or rather, feeling the imminent change (and not knowing what it is) is different than changing who you are. Not being you. AHAmoment.
You were made a certain way for a reason. Divinely and uniquely made. Tailor-made. For a purpose. He has a plan and a path for that plan. The road and the gate are narrow, yet easy to follow when you keep your focus on Him. We like to make things complicated and difficult. Instead, keep it simple. His path is the path of least resistance.
Anyone still there??? Does any of this make sense? No?
Be yourself. Do not change what makes you, you.
Walk in love, dear readers.
Have a happy, heart filled Friday, dear readers and walk in love!
Ezekiel’s Wheel.
Mike McClure is one of my favorites, so that is reason enough to share, yes? That and this song keeps coming up, probably for a reason.
“Everything that I have been through
stands here in my shoes.
Every knock down, drag out
Every broken bone and bruise.
Every time I bet it all
convinced I wouldn’t lose,
knee deep in the powder
trying to light my own fuse.
No there a’int nothing new
under the sun.
Ya, one story ends
and anther has begun.
Ezekiel’s Wheel
is still spinnin’ around.
All that we have lost,
some day will be found.
Everything I once thought
has flown out of my mind
and everything I outran
has now left me far behind.
Every road it just keeps rollin’
ya, they twist and turn and wind.
I don’t know if it’s an accident
or by some grand design.
But there a’int nothing new
under the sun.
Ya, one story ends
and anther has begun.
Ezekiel’s Wheel
is still spinnin’ around.
All that we have lost,
some day will be found.
Well the tides have all turned inward
and the rocks are washed with waves.
There is a broken bottle on the beach,
but the note has blown away.
It was prolly just a riddle
written down in rhyme.
A little more of the same old,
one more time.
No there a’int nothing new
under the sun.
One story ends
and anther has begun.
Ezekiel’s Wheel
is still spinnin’ around.
All that we have lost,
some day will be found.”
One thing I do know, nothing is accident. It is a grand, divine design. It will all come full circle in time.
I will admit, that this is a Bible story I did not know until I heard the song. Hearing the song intrigued me and I looked it up. Any of you know much about it? Do share! I would love to hear your thoughts. There are plenty of thoughts out there around this story.
Walk in love, dear readers!
…just like any other Monday?
Wrong. It is one that was not promised. I bet that changed your Monday blues.
Make the most of it, dear readers, and make it a great one.
Dare I say, make it a marvelous Monday!
Shine your light and spread the love! Get all hippie-dippie. Go on. You know you want to.
I had a lovely, restorative weekend at the farm (I even took a nap! Gasp, I know), capped by an amazing dinner with family last night. Seriously, that meal. Fresh caught red fish on the half shell topped with hollandaise and fresh crab meat served with green chili rice and green beans. We ate like kings. However, the meal was nothing compared to quality time spent with my niece and nephew. Love those little people!
I hope everyone had a great weekend and is getting their week off to a great start.
I for one am glad to be back in the swing. Bring it on! I have missed y’all!
Enjoy this piece by Ben Haggard.
What did you do this weekend?
Walk in love.
I have never understood the whole quarter life or mid life crisis thing. Always was an odd concept to me. A conundrum. I jokingly throw around the term at times. I typically think of age as just a number. A number that many people use as an excuse or something to dread. Or view as a ticking time bomb or one of those daily flip calendars with a finite number of pages. The truth is, you are the age you feel you are. I have never really felt my age, even when I was little. Dare I say that I typically think of myself as an old soul. I read somewhere that one should never admit to that if you ever want to get married. Well, I just did. I suppose I am doomed now.
Turning twenty five was no big deal for me like everyone makes it out to be. Well, on second thought, maybe it was. I was either twenty four or five when I died my hair on a whim. Making the decision as I walked in the door of the salon. Pretty out of character for this planner. It was supposed to be redish and my parents freaked out like I had gone to the dark side and said it was purple. It wasn’t purple, at least not after it faded.
Twenty six was a big one. When I turned twenty six I felt like I was kicked on my bum out of the nest, falling on a large stick puncturing my wallet as I had to get my own health insurance policy. A puncture that just keeps getting bigger. Like some terrible kind of graduation gift that just keeps on giving. I called that a quarter life crisis to be funny, but honestly, I still do not know why it felt like such a big deal. Everyone has to do it. The hair dying was probably closer to a crisis, depending on who you ask. Some people may even call this blog, created almost a year ago, a quarter life crisis.
If I can say that I am still my own
Without the rules that they forced upon.
At least since they day that I was had
because I can’t go back.”
At twenty eight, I sometimes feel like I am back where I was at twenty three, fresh out of undergrad, wondering why on earth I worked to graduate on time and give up my ability to ride every day. Still with an urge to dye my hair and blame it on a quarter life crisis just because. Just because I feel antsy. Questioning my life decisions and wondering. What is next? What am I supposed to be learning here?
I don’t think a season of life in transition, with God pushing me into rest, prayer, and waiting, can be considered a quarter life crisis. That is what I think most people do.
Here is the thing though. Everyone is in their own boat on the same sea. It is all a part of the journey. AHAmoment. The path. Individual and unique, just like you. The end destination is the same for everyone on different roads with different challenges. Might as well enjoy the ride! Look back at the end and marvel at what was experienced and accomplished instead of regrets or what went wrong. There will be many more seasons of transition to prepare you for what is next, often feeling like the waves going up and down the beach. One minute you think you are up and then the next you are back. The key is to stay the course. Just like working with a horse. One bad ride does not doom the next. Give them time to learn and figure it out. One mistake does not define a life. Mistakes do not exist if we learn from them. Be patient. Pray. Learn and grow. It is hard, yes, but in due time, His time, you will know what the next step is and when to take it. The next season will begin.
So, no. No crisis. Never was and never will be. I am over here, happily in transition. Faithfully waiting. My current season of rest. Still. It does not come easy for me, but with His help, it will get easier. I will be prepared.
I’m not going to dye my hair, don’t worry. At least I don’t think so.
How I get to all of that from listening to one song is a wonder to me. Hello? Did I lose you? Anyone still there?
The good news is, the strangles scare was just that, a scare. I will still check each horse just in case while I am out tending to my Lito man. Speaking of Lito. He still seems to be recovering well and is enjoying his short workouts. Keeping sound with no added heat or swelling. Barring any schedule changes, we should be ready for his vet check by Wednesday or Thursday next week. Fingers crossed, dear readers.
Walk in love!
…or was, as it were.
Sunrise. My favorite time of day. If you have not deduced that little factoid about me yet. It is. It is just my favorite time of day. Everything is new, fresh, and innocent. Dynamic and colorful. An event you can count on every day. For me, I am always struck by the blessing. The blessing to have a new day as a gift. A fresh start. To do what makes my heart smile. To begin a new day in the best way possible viewing God’s painting. It certainly did not hurt that I got to see all of the horses right before I had to load up in my car and head to town for work. Nothing like country morning air laced with the smell of horse. I started out the day seeing the positive. The beautiful. The light. These shots were taken by the front gate as I was leaving.
I usually take her with me, but I left Darcy in town for the night because I was not going to get to the farm till late just to turn around and come right back. Barely enough time to do what needs doing, but it needed doing. Anyway, dogs always amaze me. I left her at my parents’ house in the care of my dad while she looked at me with confusion and sadness and came back to her happy face and wagging tail, seemingly asking where I had been. All perceived sadness and confusion gone as if it were not there in the first place. Today I came to pick her up after work and there she was, all smiles and ready to go. Are we going? Yes, we are going!
On Sunday, when I got back from my girls riding weekend, we had a much needed, grass growing rain. I got everything unloaded and the trailer cleaned out and parked before I took care of a couple of things. I cooked burgers for a late lunch with my parents while they worked on some chores themselves. They had been working all morning. Just as we sat to eat the sky opened up. It didn’t last terribly long, but the drops were big and plentiful. You know the kind. The kind that drenches everything before you realize it’s raining.
This weekend was much needed. I can’t say that I necessarily rested, but it was relaxing and I was able to forget my anxieties and all the balls floating in the air. There were 5 of us. We ate. We drank. We rode. We talked. We were leisurely and relaxed. We lounged by the pool. Rain was promised all weekend and we did not get any. We saw stunning sunsets set in thunderclouds illuminaded by lightning and serenaded by distant rolling thunder. Everyone was able to get home safe before the rain on Sunday.
My Cheetah girl was her usual, saucy self, but settled nicely once we got riding. We both needed that weekend.
Lito and I are proceeding with our hand walking regimen. It started out a little dicey, but today he was much better. But let us be honest, he is still easier than probably most other 4 year olds. After our walk, I let him graze for a little but while I enjoyed the shade and the sounds around me. Let us all marvel how he has not rubbed his mane out while being penned up!
I miss you, my dear readers, and can not wait to get back to talking with you more!
Until then, walk in love.
I mean, just take me to church. I will let the lyrics speak for themselves. Your AHAmoment for the day brought to you by Zac Wilkerson. Thanks to Zac Wilkerson – Topic on YouTube for the vid.
“When I’m in the valley when my body’s weak
When life’s chains are shackled upon my feet
I will fear no evil death has lost its sting
Love falls all around me
Love rescues me
Hallelujah Hallelujah
Love falls all around me
Love rescues me
I was a wounded beggar I was an orphaned son
I was a weary wanderer so far from home
I was filthy garment I was a leprous man
But I fell into love’s water
Now I’m clean again
Hallelujah Hallelujah
I fell into loves water
Now I’m clean again
And when my life is over and I toil no more
And I stand on the banks of love’s golden shore
I’m gonna cross that river and I will run for home
And love will run to meet me and call me his own
Hallelujah Hallelujah
Love runs to meet me
Calls me his own”
~Zac Wilkerson
Dear readers, your faith is your own. It is personal and intimate. Don’t let another person tell you how it ‘should’ be. I had a great phone call with a dear friend of mine. We met our freshman year in college and she now lives across the country. I have not talked to her in a long time. We talked about everything under the sun. Our conversation meandered to her finding a church to meet some new people now that she is newly single. Music is a very big part of both of our personal relationships with our Lord. When I first heard this song not that long ago, I about fell over. I proceeded to listen to it on repeat and send it to my whole family. He speaks to each of us in different ways. Make it personal and make it your own. God is love!
Middle sister K and husband T are coming into town this weekend! We are celebrating her birthday along with my Niece’s 2nd birthday on Saturday. Of course, Mother’s Day on Sunday!
Still trying to get back into everyday reality this week.
In other news, I am moving at the end of the month! More on that later.
Have a great one! Walk in love, dear readers.
