A friend of mine mentioned that she was listening to this song and there were a couple lines in it that really spoke to her. The song was “As We Are” by Kongos. Sound like something I listen to? No, no it does not. I had to go look it up. The song is not my style, but the message is good none the less. Have you ever heard it?
Another friend of ours said that those two lines were a great topic to discuss with a glass of wine. Well, I don’t need that glass to go there. I am sure you figured that by now. But, a glass of wine, especially with a pit fire, would be nice. I digress.
“It’s said we must look within
‘Cause love is to be and to be is to love”
That is fact of life to me. The secret. The key. The AHAmoment. One of the greatest things about working with horses is that they make you look within yourself to be the best human/horseman you can be. They teach you to love yourself among many other important life lessons. Once you love yourself for your true self, you are open and able to truly love another. All that right there? That is God looking at you through them.
My mother always says that the people in your life are like a Wardrobe. Yes, like a wardrobe (My mother is full of little tidbits like that). It is of a certain size that can only hold so much. There are some people that are in your life for only a season. There are some that are in your life for a few seasons or several years. Then there are some that are, as they say, timeless, that are in your life for the long haul. For the rest of your life.
Have you ever noticed that?
It used to upset me when I was not on the same level of friendship with someone as I once was for no real reason other than life just happened. It made me feel like a bad friend. Like I did something wrong or that it was my fault. My mother would always remind me of the wardrobe analogy. To be honest, it still at times will put me in a slightly melancholic mood.
Here is the thing though. Life just happens, as it should. Even when you may think it is not or you are doing whatever you can to keep it from happening. Each person is on their own path and every single person that comes into your life is a blessing. They are there for a reason.
I am beyond grateful for all the people that used to be in my life, the people that are in my life, and for all the people yet to be in my life. You are all a blessing to me. You are part of what makes me who I am and part of what makes my life, my life. Thank you for everything you have taught me or given me. Thank you for making my life richer, bolder, and full of color. Thank you for the smiles and laughs. Thank you for being there and being you.
I hope I did the same for you.
“Oh, but seasons come for moving
Forces greater than ourselves
But there’s nothing we are losing
Keep it right there on the shelf
I guess I’ll see you when I see you
And pray you’re safe and well ’til then
And all the miles that lie between us
Will be away back in the end
Oh, the time we shared was a blessing
I’d love to live it all again
I guess I’ll see you when I see you
Happy travels, my old friend”
“They say that we all need companions
And how nobody goes alone
Over mountains and through canyons
From the poor house to the throne
Oh, but time is quite a driver
It lays a whip unto the team
It pulls apart the fibers
‘Til its time we split the seam
I guess I’ll see you when I see you
And pray you’re safe and well ’til then
And all the miles that lie between us
Will be a way back in the end
Oh, the time we shared was a blessing
I’d love to live it all again
I guess I’ll see you when I see you
Happy travels, my old friend
Oh, we watched the sun set on us
And then come back up without rest
We spoke of things in honest
All we needed to confess
Oh, but seasons come for moving
Forces greater than ourselves
But there’s nothing we are losing
Keep it right there on the shelf
I guess I’ll see you when I see you
And pray you’re safe and well ’til then
And all the miles that lie between us
Will be a way back in the end
Oh, the time we shared was a blessing
I’d love to live it all again
I guess I’ll see you when I see you
Happy travels, my old friend
Oh, the time we shared was a blessing
I’d love to live it all again
I guess I’ll see you when I see you
Happy travels, my old friend
I guess I’ll see you when I see you
Happy travels, my old friend”
~Jason Boland & The Stragglers
I hope you enjoyed the song.
This Wednesday went by extremely fast. I looked at the clock and it was 9 AM. Before I knew it, it was time to go home! Here is to the rest of the week going by just as quickly, so I can get out of the city!
Was it not just yesterday that I was excited we had entered the ‘ber’ months? Elated for everything fall? Now we are less than one day shy of March. It is crazy how looking back over the last few months it seems to have gone by so fast. So fast in fact, that today feels like Wednesday. In the midst of it all, it felt terribly slow.
So much has happened in such a short time. Or maybe not so much has happened?
It feels like a lot.
Not too terribly much to report over here. Pretty boring, actually. Do you want to know something? I am OK with that at the moment. Work is chugging along. I have many loads of laundry to do. I no longer have any clean riding jeans and I am running out of boot socks. Who cares about work clothes. The situation is dire on the home front. Priorities. I loathe doing laundry. Anyone else out there also really dislike laundry? Sure, a stack of neatly folded clothes is oddly satisfying, but the process of getting there? Not really. Darcy needs a bath. Darcy always needs a bath. Every weekend she finds something nasty to roll in. It is a gift she has.
We are entering the last month of the first quarter of the year. I am happy to report that I have so far made good on my riding goals for the year. The other things, oh well, maybe not as good, but I have not forgotten them and am still working on them. That is a win in my book.
I do not think I waxed poetic earlier this week about how awesome Lito is. Do not worry, I am not going to do that now. Well, at least I do not think I am. Anyway, I am planning his first off property ride with a friend for sometime in the next two months. I am pretty excited about it. I am glad to be making progress with him. I also spoke with my Aunt and Cousin about getting them on the farm schedule so I can have the support to continue to ride him regularly (Sorry for the repeat vid, but honestly, I can’t get enough of it!). Cheetah is doing well and I am excited about taking some lessons and going to a show in the second quarter of the year. I am also more than ready for the time to change back. Give me more daylight so I can ride more! I am planning to increase my rides by at least one more during the week. The next thing on my execution list is getting lessons actually on the calendar.
I have been listening to Midland this week. I like their older country feel. I also have a serious thing for 70’s fashion. I want a whole new wardrobe of just 70’s. Strange, I know.
So many words and not much said. Makes me think of this Jason Eady song with the line “words that come too easy sometimes tell the bigger truth.”
Anything exciting going on? A calm, everyday life is pretty comforting for me right now. How are y’all doing on your new year resolutions?
As most of you know, I spend at least a few hours out in the country every weekend. There are many reasons for this, but it is mainly because, well, I need it. My soul needs it. It is where I feel most at home. Where I want to end up one day.
Thanks to Brent Cobb for posting this on his YouTube, for recording it, and to his Dad and Uncle for writing it.
This may be a dramatic statement to some, but this song is how I feel sometimes. Maybe more than just sometimes. Also, the whole John Denver combined with Robert Ellis vibe? Wow. I almost can not handle it.
It is necessary for me to unplug and get away. If I do not do this, I lose my sight and focus. I get anxious. What is it that they say? Lose the forest for the trees? Or the sun for the rays? I do not know why I am this way, I just am. Sometimes, I need it more than just once a week.
At the end of last week, I was struggling to get anything finished. You know when that happens? You have a lot to do and you find yourself just staring at it? Like hello, get going, move it! This happens to me more and more it seems. AHAmoment. This just occurred to me. I might start giving myself deadlines. Anyway, that is a story for another day. I was more than ready to get out of town and recharge.
The point is, when I do, I am able to see, hear, feel, and truly experience things like this. For what it is. In vivid detail. This is why I need it. My horses are also there. My family is often there. And there is that whole side benefit of, hey all I have to do is get through this week and I get to go to the farm! Oh, am I not supposed to admit that? Oh well. I want to eventually be able to have that every day.
I was walking back from the barn with Niece and Nephew after going to see the horses. I looked up and was amazed watching them walk through the grass off into the sunset. Completely in the moment. There is nothing better for them than this.
Sitting by the pong with my sister, her family, and some friends. Watching the sunset and the boys fish. Sunsets are so spiritual to me. Each moment both different and sacred.
I snapped these of my Bro in law. Fishing is his number one passion, like horses are for me.
A quick video of me riding the best baby horse of all time. Kids, do not video while you ride. Right after this, I dropped my phone. It still works though!
Cuddle time with my main mare.
For all you people with the Monday feels…this is truth. I found this on a friend’s Facebook page. Truth it may be, it can still be hard!
Great family dinner last night that was good for the soul.
You know how memories or emotions can sneak up on you when you least expect them? Like a sneak attack? Sometimes happy, sometimes…not?
For instance, today, when I left my office building and entered the open air parking garage to drive home for lunch. The garage is where the smokers smoke. Every time I smell the distant, faint smell, I am immediately transported to the barn I used to take horseback riding lessons at. Where I first started. My instructor smoked. The lounge smelled of it. She smelled of it. The arena faintly smelled of it.
Sometimes, when I smell cigarette smoke, in fact most times, I think of negative things like cancer. Morbid, I know. Not in our parking garage though. I hear Dorthy’s voice calling out instructions during a lesson, in her raspy, characteristic voice. I think of the dusty arena and stall aisles. The golden light that shone through the barn boards and onto the shiny, clipped Saddlebreds as they ate in their stalls. I think of that lady who boarded her two Quarter Horses there. One of them was a gray mare. That kind lady would let me help her groom and sit on that mare’s back during my sister’s lesson. I often go back to the feeling of my favorite lesson of all time where I got to leave the indoor arena to have my lesson in one of two grassy turnouts out back. I do not remember the actual lesson. Maybe there was not really one. Maybe I just got to ride. That is what I remember. Riding. Just being with the horse, the sunlight, the grass, and the wind in the trees and the horse’s mane. I was riding Smokey, a gray gelding. It was over too fast. Maybe this is why I have always had a thing for grays. Those two favorites of mine at the barn. I was 7 or 8 at the time.
The sneak attack is not always a happy memory, is it? We had a big conference for work
last week and, if you remember, on the first day I spilled my coffee on my white shirt. I seem to have a problem with spilling on myself. You learn new things about yourself when you blog. Anyway, the first thing that came to mind was when you are trying to get the last of a drink in a cup full of ice. You know, when the ice holds tight to the base of the glass until you are convinced you are safe to enjoy the last sip, and then wham, out tumbling comes the ice in your face like boulders off a mountain. Major sneak attack, whether it is coffee or ice. I figured I would cover it up the best I could with my name tag and, if need be, use it as a good ice breaker for people coming up to the booth to talk.
That same day, during a short, slow stint in the booth, feeling self conscious about my coffee stain, I was blankly staring down the aisle at the various people wandering and talking. I caught sight of this man. He was talking to the people in a booth diagonally down a ways. I had a rear, 45 degree angle view on him. The first thing I realized when I clued into my thoughts was, is that my Uncle B? Everything came screeching to halt in my brain. If I had been drinking coffee, I might have spilled on myself again. This man had the same hair, clothes, height, stance, and profile as my Uncle from what I could see. The shock, sadness, and surprise came on me again all at once. Not dissimilar to the feeling when I saw his brother that looks exactly like him through a window on that day. Luckily for me last week, the feeling was fleeting.
I spoke with my mother about it when we went on a walk ride Sunday morning. I was not going to share it with her because I did not want to focus on the negative, I wanted to remember the positive. He would have been eager to hear how the conference went and what people were talking about the next time we got together. Were people getting hopeful or excited yet in the industry. Asking if I networked and met new people.
My mother was the one who brought it up. She was walking and I was riding. It is our thing. There was a lull in the conversation and we were together in the silence. I was remembering that moment at the conference the very second that my mother started to talk about him. Funny how that happens. We all are experiencing the same things in our own ways. We are never alone in anything that we go through. AHAmoment.
Have you had any sneak attacks lately? Good or not so?
The quiet times in the morning are my favorite. I like to have my time in the morning to sit and drink my coffee. To wake up. To be quiet. Reflect. Listen and think. It is my time.
This morning, my early morning wake up call was accompanied by distant rolling thunder. After a quick cuddle with my Darcy dog, adimitedly considering catching a quick five minutes more to listen to the thunder in bed, I crawled out and suited up for the day.
I left as the sun was rising and the rain began to fall. The drive downtown was pleasant and not too terribly crazy. I imagine, full of many people like me, who like to be early.
I got to the booth at the conference before everyone else. I filled the flyer and business card holders, replenished the candy bowl, and went in search of coffee with hopes of not spilling it on myself today. I wore a white shirt again.
When I got back to the booth, some others from my company were sitting at the booth. I sat down, happily drinking coffee (haven’t spilled yet!), listening to their conversation, and watching the other attendees slowly come in.
It got me thinking just now about a time when I was up early reading for grad school while my Darcy, a puppy at the time, sat in her bed by the Christmas tree and fire place. I snapped a quick photo of her and sent it to a friend. She replied, “never lose sight of times that are simply perfect.” AHAmoment.
This feels like one of those times to me. I have a great job with great people. This week has been crazy busy both with work and socially. I have been able to catch up with old friends. I get to see and hopefully ride my horses this weekend. I get to celebrate a dear friend’s birthday on Saturday. I have Monday off!
You may say that perfect does not exist in this world. However, the Lord made it. It is all a part of His plan. He does not make mistakes. We do, but the point is to learn from them. To grow closer to Him through it.
Sometimes I wish I had more and different things to share with y’all. More interesting. More insightful or earth shattering. However, this is not so bad to me.
I stumbled upon Carla Ber‘s blog a little while ago. Yesterday, not so coincidentally, she published a post entitled, ‘Go Deep. You Are Not Alone‘ basically discussing the very thing I was talking about yesterday, but just a little deeper (See what I did there?). Really, there are several things I have read lately that align with this.
The surface is boring, for all involved. Share your story with someone worthy. You will be amazed at how light and free you feel. By the connections you make. You are not alone. Am I a broken record yet?
It is the very core of why I wanted to start this blog. It is scary. It is hard. Boy, has it been worth it to me. To connect with you, my dear readers.
Sharing the story of my Uncle and the days following was terribly difficult for me. I almost did not do it because I was scared and heartbroken. I did not want to be judged or have my family judged. Thankfully, I realized that not sharing was not only the wrong thing for me, but it would have been the wrong thing for y’all. I feel stronger, lighter, and better for doing it. I can not thank y’all enough for your kind words and prayers. This is more than just about me though, I know that my sharing helped at least one person.
It is a serious kick in the gut to me (my pride) when I have a terrible ride and it is really all my fault. I try to share that though (and probably not very well because, hello, pride and ego) because that is the reality of working with horses. The reality of life. Everyone has bad rides and bad days. I walk in there with a big head, my horse is sure to humble me right down. It is about what you learn from it and how you grow from it. What you do with it and what you make of it. I at least know enough to know that I do not know everything. God willing, I have a lot of life left to live and learn. The horse has way more to teach me that I have to teach him. Most of all, to show up, continue to strive to be my best every day, and not compare my walk with that of another. Many days I feel like I suck at it, but that is OK because I am working on it.
I want to relate with you and know that I am not alone in my struggles. Know that you are not alone in yours. Spark ideas and open our minds.
Anyway, me being me and the way my mind works, reading her post made me think of this song (I know, I am obsessed with him). I hope you enjoy.
“I’m getting sick and tired
Of livin’ on the surface
And in between the lines”
You can not chase happiness, you have to find it where you are.
That is easy enough to say. Harder to believe it all the way through. Harder still to put in practice and do.
It is a choice. AHAmoment. We all have a choice in everything.
A choice to cut out all the negative and embrace all that you have.
Live full and whole hearted. Be compassionate. Have empathy. Be vulnerable. Cultivate gratitude and joy. Love your whole self, your authentic self, but love the Lord first.
The rest? The rest will come. In its own time. It is different for every person.
It seems hard, but it is for everyone. I will be honest, it is hard for me.
Be brave.
Walk in love, dear readers, and do not lose heart.
Watching the super bowl made me think of how much has changed in this world and what
My favorite part I think!
life is like these days. How many years ago was it that you had to wait weeks for mail or news to cross the country and that was your only communication outside of the odd telegram? No smart phone always at an arm’s reach. Can you really imagine that in this day and age of social media?
Being 28, I never got to experience any semblance of that, but it sure does sound lovely. Idyllic even. To be truly disconnected and actually experience what is in front of you. I remember when the internet became a basic household staple. Dial up, yes, but still. Instant messaging on AOL. I got my first cell phone before I even turned 16, which was after most of my friends got cell phones.
Now, all you have to do is open your phone and your immediate thoughts can be seen by everyone, whether or not you sleep on it. More people should sleep on their thoughts. To me, it is a scary thing to think…and to witness. That is another story for another day, I digress. back to the super bowl. The game was barely even over when they switched screens to talk about what everyone was saying about it on various social networks! Who cares! Let us hear what the players and coaches have to say in the moment! It really took away from the experience.
Anyway, on to other things.Yesterday was one of those days. Both literally and metaphorically cloudy. The low, flat winter kind that makes you long for the summer sun to take away the ‘seasonal affective disorder.’ I do not actually have SAD, it just feels that way sometimes when I am being melodramatic.
Those eyes. This is what it looks like when you are frustrated with the weather tampering with your plans.
Why was I being melodramatic? It rained basically all Sunday morning. The one moment that I had the audacity to think I could fit in a ride before going home, the sky unleashed the real precipitation and made the ground slick as oil. Weather man, you mentioned nothing like this, by the way.
I spent Saturday morning doing chores because it was unexpectedly cold. I rode Cheetah Saturday afternoon which was, interesting. It was not the best ride in the world. Read this as the nut of the issue. At one point I had to dismount and lunge her by the reins so she could find her brain. Apparently we were both in a mood this weekend. Let us just be honest here. I really wanted to erase that ride with a better one Sunday morning. It just was not going to happen. Insert frustrated, annoyed me. Oh well, tomorrow is a new day, as they say.
My Lito could tell I was not my normal self and was extra attentive to me. I love him for that. Animals are great that way.
I will do a happy dance when the time changes back!
I got home and the sun was SHINING with no signs of past rain. Just an hour drive away. Naturally, I made brownies. The best brownies, seriously. I added a little strong brewed coffee, some coffee grounds, and cinnamon…and a little simple cream cheese frosting to top it off…oops. That made me feel a little better. Go make them. Pawning them off at the office today.
Post cleaning up my baking mess, there was going to be no cooking or cleaning for dinner. Insert the cheese tray. How I love thee. Winning as an adult. It was good game watching food.
What did y’all think of the game?
That is all for today. Clearly still random. Make it a great Monday, I am going to try to!
